God – Page 6 – Healing with Harotian

May 16, 2018May 16, 2018

May is Mental Health Awareness

Hey Friends,

So, last week I blogged about how May is Lupus Awareness Month, but many of you may know that it is also Mental Health Awareness month. Fortunately, I struggle with both Lupus and mental illness.

Yep! You read that correctly, I said “fortunately”. Why would I feel fortunate to have both a physical illness and a mental illness? It doesn’t make sense. I must be plum crazy right?

We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us. -2 Corinthians 1:7

Well, if it weren’t for my current circumstance, I would have never found a reason to draw closer to the Lord. Some people like to call it “hitting rock bottom”. I became so depressed, I had no other choice but to seek God’s grace and beg for him to either take the illness’ away or help me cope with it.

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. -1 Thessalonians 5:18

Who Prays When You Can’t?

In yesterday’s post Prayer Is The Best Medicine , I spoke about the importance of prayer.

Although prayer is important, there are times where we feel like we just do not have it in us to pray. There was a time when my heart was so broken, all I could do was cry out, “Abba Father, help me!”

I felt so helpless and alone because I was once told that when praying to God, I had to be specific about what I wanted, needed, and craved. So, if I am unable to verbally express my needs, then how would he know what I need prayer for? How would he be able to answer my prayers if I am unable to articulate my heart?

In scripture, it says, “And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.” -Romans 8:26

This is so refreshing because there are many days where I feel that I do not have the words or even the strength to utter the appropriate words to says to our Father in heaven. So knowing that the Holy Spirit is like, “No worries girl, I got you!” is truly amazing.

So, if you are unsure what to say, how to say it, or even if you should say it, the Holy Spirit knows your heart and he will pray it for you. Lean on the Holy Spirit to carry you when your feet or too tired to carry you the rest of the way.

God bless you all and I hope you all are having a wonderful start to your week.

“So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” For his spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. And since we are his children, we are his heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.” -Romans 8:15-17

May 13, 2018

Prayer Is The Best Medicine

Have you ever complained about chaos or pain happening in your life and someone responded with “Just pray about it.”

I don’t know about you, but my response would be, “I don’t need prayer, I need help!” Little did I know, prayer was exactly the help that I needed.

Prayer is the most powerful tool anyone could have. I am proof that it truly works.

God says, “The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” -James 5:16

I used to think that when I prayed, it had to be formal, otherwise, the Lord wouldn’t accept it.

But then I learned that prayer is just having a conversation with our Father. So, I did a little experiment. I began praying to God like I was talking to one of the homies. Here’s a fictional example:

Dear heavenly Father. How’s it been, Lord? I’m not doing so well. Today was such a hard day and I’m really upset about it. Kelly said something that hurt my feelings and I just wanted to smack her upside the head, but I’m trying to get right with you, Jesus. It says in your word to forgive those who trespass against me, so please, Lord, help me forgive her. Cause you know I struggle with tolerating foolishness.

There is absolutely nothing formal about the above prayer, but he still hears us AND answers us. I love to tell new Christians to not get caught up in the formalities. Concentrate on developing a personal (intimate) relationship with Jesus and the rest will follow.

Once I began my prayers like normal conversations, I noticed that I felt more relaxed. I didn’t say, “Ummm” so much, nor did I feel ashamed praying out loud in front of other people.

Here is an example of a prayer that I wrote in my journal a few weeks ago:

Abba, Father. Please throw me a bone! Please give me some kind of relieft from the constant tragadies in my life. Please provide a break through.

After this prayer, our Father didn’t say, “Girl, what kind of prayer was this? Get it together and come back later.”

Instead, he said, “Yes, baby, I got you. Just hold on a little longer.” I mean, that’s how I took it…and guess what! He answered my prayer. Not only did he throw me a “bone” AND provide a breakthrough, but he also continued to bless me beyond what I deserve.

God is so good! And there is no one that can tell me otherwise. He continues to bless me and provide all of my emotional needs. And do you want to know why??? Because I talk to him like he is one of the homies…I pray!

In scripture, it says, “You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day has passed.” -Psalm 139:16

This means he knew he that I would struggle with prayer. He knew that the enemy would try to convince me that I didn’t know how to pray, therefore I shouldn’t do it. I say, not today, nor any day, Satan.

May 9, 2018May 9, 2018

Lupus Awareness Month

Hey Friends!

This month is officially Lupus Awareness Month. Until I was diagnosed 2 years ago, I really never knew what Lupus was. I’ve heard of it here and there through conversation, like, “Hey, so and so has Lupus.” The only thing I knew about it was that it made you really sick. Now, since it is a struggle that I am now facing, I’ve had to educate myself about it. Ways to live with and cope with this illness, and how to overcome it.

So first, What Is Lupus? If you are a new follower and have never heard of it, Lupus is an inflammatory disease caused when the immune system attacks the healthy tissues in your body.

Lupus can cause:

Organ damage/failure
Inflammation
Swelling
Damage to Joints/Skin/Kidneys/Blood, Heart/Lungs
Other illness’ such as Von Willebrands disease (blood clot disorder), Fibromyalgia, Raynaud’s Disease (numbness in fingers and toes), Cardiovascular disease, etc.

There are 4 different types of Lupus:

Systemic lupus erythematosus, or SLE, is the most common form of lupus.
Discoid lupus erythematosus causes a skin rash that doesn’t go away.
Subacute cutaneous lupus erythematosus causes skin sores on areas of the body exposed to the sun.
Neonatal lupus affects newborns.

Lupus is known as the silent killer. Why? Because most of the time, you become extremely sick before you know anything is wrong. Most times, there are no warning signs. For me, one day, I didn’t feel well. I gradually became sick over a 3 month period. Until finally, I became so ill, I had to stop working.

Please read my Lupus story When It Rains, It Pours

Unfortunately, there is no cure for Lupus, but fortunately, there are ways you can ease your symptoms.

Contact a Rheumatologist if you have any of the above symptoms.
DO NOT take no for answer- There are so many who say that they’ve been to the doctor and they said there was nothing wrong with them. You know your body. You know when something is wrong. Trust your instinct
Please read They Tried to Kill Me!: How To Become Your Own Advocate
Research natural redemies to boost your immune system or just read:

How can you support a loved one with Lupus?

Annoying things to say to a Lupus warrior?

“But you don’t look that sick…” – Looks can be deceiving
“Have you tried…” – We love your suggestions, but trust me, we’ve tried everything
“…but everybody’s tired.” – I get that, but not everyone is “lupus” tired.
“I wish I could spend all day in bed.” – Uhhh, no you don’t!
“You’re STILL sick?” – Uh, yea, bish, it’s Lupus.

Now, when my loved ones say these things, I know they are coming from a place of pure and utter love. Also, it is coming from a place of confusion. Honestly, doctors aren’t even able to fully comprehend what Lupus really is and it’s origin. There are so many unknowns, it would be unfair for anyone to “blame” others for not understanding themselves.

So, here are helpful tips on things you can say to a loved one with lupus

“I understand you couldn’t make it…” – This helps with the guilt we carry for always missing important events and parties
“I’ll be praying for you…” – We sure need it
“What can I do to help…” – I’ve found that most Lupus warriors don’t like accepting help. It hurts an already fragile pride, but knowing that you care helps tremendously.
“I’m going to educate myself more on the topic.” – Just offering support and understanding will lift our spirits. It’ll help us feel less alone.

Lupus is extremely expensive. All of the medications that I take equal up to about $300 per month. If it is in your heart, please donate Ashley’s GoFundMe Medical Expenses. Thank you all in advance for your prayers and well wishes.

Thank you guys for reading my thoughts. Have a wonderfully blessed day. And if you see one, hug a Lupus warrior today!

May 7, 2018May 24, 2018

Seeking God Part 4

Happy Sunday Friends!

This journey of seeking God has not been an easy one, but it has been worth it. I have seen God’s power, love, and mercy so much since I’ve taken my journey seriously. If you haven’t noticed, my blog has turned into God’s blog. A couple of months ago, the Lord told me that he wanted me to use my blog to spread his word. I was hesitant. I didn’t want to lose my non-Christian followers and I didn’t want to offend anyone. After a while, I could no longer deny his request.

Whenever I posted an article that he didn’t put on my heart to post, my numbers were down. You guys weren’t messing with me. Then, when I began to post content that he put on my heart, the number of views and followers increased tenfold. Don’t get me wrong, I lost a few followers, but I gained many more.

So, I have no choice but to trust him. He has shown this undeserving sinner more love and mercy than I expected. That is what’s so awesome about God. When he blesses you, he blesses you in overabundance, forcing you to do nothing but fall to your knees and cry out, “Abba, Father, thank you!”

If you are stubborn like me, the Lord will use your circumstances to bring you closer to him so he can mold you and strengthen you. In my case, I would say he has used Lupus and mental illness to get me to surrender to his will. Surrender…what a strong word. A lot of people think it is an insult to surrender, when in fact, it is a blessing. A Christ believer will tell you that surrendering is not a sign of weakness, as some will make you believe.

Surrending to the Lord requires more strength than people would like to acknowledge. Yet, once we surrender, we are able to get out of our own way and allow God to work. And, baby…when God works, he works wonders. His wonderful blessings are always more than we wanted for ourselves. Miracles happen. Please Letting Go, Letting God read how Jesus showed up in my bathroom and saved my life. True story 🙂

I no longer see my illness as a punishment, yet an opportunity to grow. Kind of like job training. I ask the Lord to allow me to be a great mom to my children. The Lord responded, “So be it my child, but first, I must prepare you.”

Think of a block of clay. When you purchase it from the craft store, it’s bland, boring, and ugly. But once the artist purchases it from the store (in God case, Jesus purchased us with his life), the artist then begins to transform it into a beautiful masterpiece.

The tools that the artist use are sharp and plentiful. If clay had feelings, one would think that the artist is torturing the clay, being unfair. But the sharp tools are necessary in order to mold the clay with precision and accuracy. Jesus paid the price. God uses our circumstances as tools to create a wonderful masterpiece within us. More times than often, it is going to hurt. But while he is sculpting us, he has given us resources to help us through the process, such as the Bible, elders of the church, prayer, and other Christians.

“Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord. Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well. And if you have committed any sins, you will be forgiven.” -James 5:14-15

Most importantly, he gives us his love and promises to be with us no matter what through the process.

The Lord says, “For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing.” -Jeremiah 31:25. To me, this means, during my sorrow, he will be there to give me comfort.

He also says, “…I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them.” -Psalm 91:14-15

Personally, I can’t speak for every Christian. I believe in Jesus because he was the only one that showed up when I cried out for help. Not Buddha, not Deity, not money or sex, but Jesus himself. The only thing I can do is give my life to the one who saved it, to the one who continues to bless my children with a mother.

Yesterday, I was blessed with mood stabilizers. As many of you may know, I struggle with Bipolar Disorder I. I have been unmedicated for some time now, which is dangerous. But, the Lord was so gracious and he heard my cries. So, I was able to receive a 90 day free supply of Depakote. I’m excited and scared at the same time. My biggest fear with taking mood stabilizers and anti-depressants is that I will lose the best parts of me; my creativity, my bubbly personality, my love of all things Life. But this is where trusting the Lord comes in.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” -Jeremiah 29:11

“Trust the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” -Proverbs 3:5-6

My faith, my trust in God’s plan (cues Drakes “Gods Plan”) for me is the only reason why I’m still alive. If I followed the world’s thinking, my kids would be without a mother.

Thank you all for reading my thoughts and for sharing this journey with me. I truly hope that I am able to inspire someone to trust that God has a plan for your life, and the struggles that you are facing are NOT it. God bless you!

“If the stars were made to worship, so will I. If the mountains bow in reverence, so will I. If the oceans roar Your greatness, so will I. For if everything exists to lift You high, so will I. If the wind goes where You send it, so will I. If the rocks cry out in silence, so will I. If the sum of all our praises still falls shy, then we’ll sing again a hundred billion times.” -So Will I (100 Billion X) by Hillsong Worship

To catch up, please read:

May 3, 2018May 3, 2018

Happy National Day of Prayer

Hey friends!

Prayer has been a huge part of my life. I haven’t always been a prayer warrior, but after it saved my life (along with the love of Jesus, of course), I’ve been talking to God all day, every day. There is so much to pray for, nowadays. We pray for our finances, we pray for our children, and we pray for each other, but it seems our nations need prayer more than ever before.

The National Day of Prayer is an annual day of observance in the United States, held on the first Thursday of May to come together and pray for our nation. If you don’t live under a rock, I’m sure you’ve heard about the countless murders and suicides happening all over the world. This is a sign that people are hurting, more than ever before, and the only solution they seem to have is to hurt someone else or themselves.

So, please join me in praying for our nation and our fellow sisters and brothers.

This prayer was sent to me by a sister in Christ from my church. It is so powerful, I thought I would share it.

Our Dear Heavenly Father, while we come to You in complete humility, we also come to You with boldness in the authoritative name of Your One and Only Son, Jesus Christ, who is the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world. In Jesus’ name, fill us now with Your Holy Spirit and lead us as we pray in Jesus’ name for America.

Oh God, we are burdened for our nation today. We turn from the sins that we have committed against your Word and your Name. We turn away from our contentious words and ways toward one another that has led us to division and polarization. We turn away from our disrespect and lack of dignity toward each other, and we turn away from our continual devaluation of all human life from the womb until death in this world. We also turn away from and refuse to participate in skepticism, criticism, and cynicism in our nation. We turn away from anything that divides us, and we run toward the gospel of Jesus Christ that is the only thing that has the power to unite us together.

Lord, in this critical hour in our nation, we pray for unity in America. Only You can bring unity, harmony, and oneness in America. As your Word calls us in Ephesians 4:3, “Making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace”, we ask You to empower us to make every effort to live in unity, to call for unity, and to forward unity in America continually.

We pray for the churches in America to unify in Jesus Christ and to pray as one unified spiritual family for America. May Your Church pray for America passionately, perpetually, privately, and publicly.

We pray for God’s power to unify families, workplaces, communities, and cities in America. By Your Spirit, lead us to forgiveness, reconciliation, healing, and unity.

We pray for people of all ethnicities and races in America to come together as one, living in peace and unity together. Oh Lord, because each of us is created in Your image, please give us the courage to stand against all racial and ethnic division, denouncing it as evil and sinful, while simultaneously coming together in unity with all persons knowing this is God’s will for us.

We pray in unity for the security of our nation. We ask You to preserve the United States of America from the forces of evil that are threatening our lives and our future. God, please guard all persons in public and private settings from anyone or anything that desires to harm us or take our lives. Our future is in Your hands.

We agree clearly, unite visibly, and pray extraordinarily for the next Great Spiritual Awakening in America. Oh Lord, wake up Your church spiritually and convict Your people to agree clearly, unite visibly, and pray extraordinarily until the next Great Spiritual Awakening occurs in our generation.

Oh God, we stand together upon Your words in Psalm 133:1, “How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony.” Through Jesus’ name and by the Holy Spirit’s power, we pray for all Americans to unify and to live together in unity.

In the mighty and majestic name of Jesus Christ who is the Only Savior and the Only Hope in this world, we pray. Amen.

If you don’t live in the United States, you can pray this prayer for your country, or even better, for the world.

I also pray that everyone who is reading this is blessed with Your love and comfort, God. I ask you, Abba Father, to be with those who need you, those who are crying out for you. Your love is more precious than anything of this world, and I pray that you show your unconditional love to all of your children during this time of confusion. Amen

“Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.” -2 Chronicles 7:14

April 24, 2018April 24, 2018

Music is Life: What Now

Hey Friends,

I would like to share a song by Rihanna from her Unapologetic album, titled What Now. I love singing this song at the top of my lungs when I’m frustrated, hurt, happy, sad, or just in a singing mood. If you’ve never heard this song, I hope you enjoy it. As you know, music is such a huge part of my blogging life. It provides wonderful inspiration and allows me to tap into a place in my heart, I would otherwise try to hide.

What Now by Rihanna

I been ignoring this big lump in my throat
I shouldn’t be crying, tears were for the weak
The days I’m stronger, know what, so I say
That’s something missing

Whatever it is, it feels like it’s laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror
Whatever it is, it’s just sitting there laughing at me
And I just wanna scream

What now? I just can’t figure it out
What now? I guess I’ll just wait it out
What now? Ohhhh what now?

I found the one he changed my life
But was it me that changed
And he just happened to come at the right time
I’m supposed to be in love
But I’m not mugging

Whatever it is, it feels like it’s laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror
Whatever it is, it’s just sitting there laughing at me
And I just wanna scream

What now?…

April 23, 2018April 23, 2018

Why You Should Believe You’ll Be Just Fine

In January 2010, I joined the United States Army. At the time, I was married to my first husband. Hannah and Rj were only 3 and 1 at the time. It was such a hard decision for me, but because of the Army’s benefits, I felt as though it was the best decision for my family. So, I signed up to fight for my country.

During MOS (military occupational specialty) training, while on an FTX (field training exercise), I fractured both sides of my hips and basically wore down the cartilage in my knees. So because I had served less than a year, the US Amry said, “thanks for your service, but you’re no longer needed” and sent my butt home. I was Rick James, for real.

My pride and self-worth were hurt because I felt like the biggest failure. On top of the fact that I can longer justify why I left my kids.

When I returned home and healed a bit, I had to meet with my commanding officers to discuss the honorable discharge that I had received. That is when my sergeant had notified me that as soon as I would have graduated from MOS training, my unit was being deployed to Afghanistan for 12 months.

Talk about relief! My self-pity immediately turned into gratitude. Although I wasn’t able to be a US Army soldier like I originally planned, I wasn’t about to be deployed neither. I later found out that a few of my battle buddies didn’t return home. Y’all, that could have been me!

What’s my point, you ask? Ok, let me get to it before this turns into a novel.

Sometimes in life, we put ourselves down when we are unable to accomplish the goals that we set for ourselves. We become discouraged and even feel worthless. But unbeknownst to us, God is really saving us from disaster. Whether it’s a relationship, marriage, friendship, job opportunity, etc. You never know that the Lord is doing behind the scenes in our lives. This is why we have to trust Him and know that His plan for us is more extravagant than any plan we can possibly have for ourselves.

The Good Book says,

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” -Proverbs 3:5-6

This verse has been my anchor, especially during this season of my life. I do not understand why things are happening the way that they are happening, but I trust the Lord with all of my heart to not only get me through this season but allow me to become healed.

Things may not make sense to you right now, but trust that God will not only pull you through, but you will come out of the other end stronger. I am living proof!

Stay blessed friends!

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” -Jeremiah 29:11

April 20, 2018April 21, 2018

Funny Friday

Oh crap! I’ve been so wrapped up in mental wellness, I almost forgot to post today’s Funny Friday. Why didn’t anyone tell me? Oh yea, that’s right…you’re not suppose to!

Today’s Funny Friday is brought to you by my 4 year old, Christian.

Christian: Mom can we go to field trip (QuikTrip gas station) to get a donut?

Me: I don’t mind, but I have to take a shower first.

Christian: Why?

Me: Cause I haven’t showered yet and I’m starting to smell.

Christian: …don’t forget to wash your tate o tots (testicles).

Me: Girls don’t have testicles

Christian: Yes they do. And they’re musty so you have to wash them!

Have a wonderful Friday! Stay blessed

April 18, 2018April 19, 2018

Thank You Ms. Carey

Today, I received a notification from Apple News that read, “Mariah Carey Once Hospitalized After Believing Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, & Prince Were Dinner Guest”. Wait! Before you stop reading, this post is NOT celebrity gossip or even my opinion on the matter. I promise, there’s a point.

So, if you are a fan of pop culture, then you would know that the mother of two, multi-platinum selling recording artist, Mariah Carey recently announced that she struggles with Bipolar Disorder to the public. When I read the headline I immediately assumed that if the incident did happen (cause let’s be honest, you can’t believe everything you read in the media), I’m sure it was during a manic episode. Or maybe, she is a medium and communicates with spirits. Honestly, you never know.

My point is, I feel sad for her, but I’m so grateful that she has decided to share her story. She is a world-renowned diva, whose voice and passion has gotten me through some rough times. Her decision to be open about her condition has brought awareness to millions of her fans. And I appreciate that. More awareness brings additional education and understanding and hopefully better resources. So the next time, we find out a loved-one may have symptoms of Bipolar Disorder, you can help them and not judge them.

Please read She Must Be Crazy on how to approach a loved one if you suspect they are struggling with a mental illness.

Also, please read I’m Coming Out, I Want the World to Know about my personal journey with Bipolar Disorder. I’ve never had dinner plans with the deceased, but I probably wouldn’t mind it neither.

I pray that God is with everyone who is struggling with mental/physical illness, addiction, heartbreak, and any other ailment, that He heals us and comforts us. That He extends His love so we know that we are not alone. I also pray that we find healing in your word, for you tell us that “your word is alive and powerful” and that “it is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword cutting between soul and spirit” (Hebrews 4:12). We are all in this fight together as children of God.

Thank you to everyone who took the time out of their day to sending inspirational, loving comments under my last post. I was going through it for a moment, but after I prayed a few prayers and talked to supportive people, I was able to come out of the dark space I was in. I began to doubt whether or not I should have allowed myself to be so public with my breakdown, but then sharing my journey wouldn’t be authentic. 🙂 So thank you to everyone who prayed for me. And of course, thank you to everyone who I began has enough patience to read my long post. I can go on and on and on, like now.

Love you all! Thank you for your continued support. Stay blessed!

“With God’s help we will do mighty things, for he will trample down our foes.” -Psalm 60:12

April 18, 2018

Imbalance

It seems that when one is trying to get right with God, the enemy tries to discourage you. I’m apologizing ahead of time for the grammatical errors and misspelling. Tears are streaming down my face as I try to wrap my heart around how I’m supposed to deal with everyday life and battle my mental illness. It seems so impossible.

God has been trying to convince me that He will not put anything on me that I cannot handle and I know He knows me better than I know myself, but…why, why do I have to hurt so much? Why is it so hard just to get through one hour or even one minute of every day?

Lord I’m trying to flood my mind with your word, but my thoughts are becoming louder. Please save me.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Today, I was supposed to post another article on Autism, but really, my heart isn’t there right now. So, please visit Autism Speaks to get more information on ways to cope with Autism Spectrum Disorder. They have helped me understand what autism means and provided wonderful ways to support my son, RJ.

To catch up on his story, please visit 💙❤️💛💚Dancing To Your Own Beat: Autism Awareness💙❤️💛💚 and Rj’s First Fist Fight…And Im A Little Proud!.

Thank you all for reading my thoughts. Please pray for one another. Everyone is struggling because more and more people are depending on God, instead of themselves, so the enemy is working overtime to prevent that from happening.

For those who are having a rough day, here is a cute puppy video to lift your spirits.

Love you all and stay blessed!

^“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11

April 15, 2018April 15, 2018

Crash the Chatterbox

Did you know that the average human being has up to approximately 60,000 negative thoughts per day? According to Psychology Today, 70% of our thoughts are negative. That’s a lot, right. I mean, out of all of the things that we think about, 70% are negative? It makes me sad to know that I have spent so much of my energy on negative thinking, but it also makes me feel better to know that I am not alone when it comes to having negative thoughts.

So, what next? How do we not have so many negative thoughts, when obviously, it’s a flaw that most people struggle with.

In my attempt to grow closer to Christ, I have joined a handful of support and community groups at my church. I so badly want to drown out the negative thoughts that plague my mind. Do any of these sound familiar?

I’m not worthy
I’m ugly
I’m fat/skinny
No one loves me
My life is meaningless
God doesn’t love me
No one understands me or my condition

Pity party, right? Well, no more! One of the classes that I joined is based on the Christian bible study called Crash the Chatterbox by Steven Furtick. This study focuses on how to replace your own negative thoughts (the chatterbox) with the word of God. It also focuses on building a closer relationship with Jesus so you can learn how to seek him in peace and turmoil.

Related Post: Seeking Emotional Refuge in God

When I first learned about this study, I was super excited. I am so tired of hearing my own thoughts, getting caught up in my own mind. Now, I am learning to turn off the chatterbox and directing my focus completely on Jesus.

This weeks lesson we learned that:

The chatterbox will always try to convince you that God doesn’t love you
We have to turn on focus on Jesus. When we focus less on ourselves and more on Jesus, we are able to hear him clearly and feel his unconditional love.
- Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. -Proverbs 3:5-6
Gods says I amOverpowering who I say I am
- When Moses said to God, “If I come to the people of Israel and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ what shall I say to them?” God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.” And he said, “Say this to the people of Israel, ‘I AM has sent me to you.’” God also said to Moses, “Say this to the people of Israel, ‘The Lord, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has sent me to you.’ This is my name forever, and thus I am to be remembered throughout all generations.” (Exodus 3:13–15)
Gods says He willOverpowering my fear
- So we can say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?” -Hebrews 13: 6
God says He hasOverpowering condemnation
- In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. -1 Peter 5:10
Gods says I canOverpowering the lies of discouragement
- Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. -Psalm 139: 14-15
The Chatterbox will always try to make you misunderstand the nature of who you are in relation to who God is.
God wants us to have confidence in his everlasting love and notin our circumstances

There is so much more in this study that I am unable to go over without turning this post into a book. If you are interested in learning how to turn off the chatterbox on your mind and focus on what God has planned for you, please click here for the complete set; study guide, book, and DVD.

Click this link to view Steven Furtick teaching one of his lessons. He’s really inspiring and you’re always left feeling inspired as well.

I’ve been doing this study for two weeks and I can already see a difference in my thought process. Please read Changing your Mindset; Becoming More Mindful for more ways you can transform your mind to become more positive.

Please remember friends, allow God to transform your thoughts into his word. Allow Him to transform your heart and your mind to be more like him. So you can have peace knowing that Jesus is always with you. Pray so he can hear you. Read His word to hear him. Stay blessed, family. I love you all and I pray that you are having a beautiful Sunday.

“Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God said this, ‘I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” -Hebrews 13:5

Image borrowed from google pics

April 11, 2018April 11, 2018

💙❤️💛💚Dancing To Your Own Beat: Autism Awareness💙❤️💛💚

Autism Awareness Month

The word Autism has been coming up more and more in our society for about 30 years now, but what is it exactly?

💙❤️💛💚💙❤️💛💛💚❤️💛💛💙❤️💛💚💙❤️

It wasn’t until 2011 that I began to learn what Autism was and how it was about to change my life dramatically. My baby boy, RJ, was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder in 2013 when he turned five years old. When he was diagnosed, I had already prepared myself, at least I thought. Honestly, there wasn’t anything that could have prepared me for such an emotional journey. By the time RJ turned one years old, we noticed Rj’s speech and motor skills weren’t developing like they should have been. He wasn’t able to speak until he was almost two years old, which delayed not only his speech but language.

When RJ began preschool, we immediately connected with the special school district in our neighborhood so he could receive additional learning services, such as an IEP (Individualized Education Program) for social/emotional development, speech and language, and fine motor development. Since then, RJ has thrived and excelled in every area of reading, language, math, etc. You could understand 50% of his verbiage by the time he was five years old and now you can’t get him to be quiet. He struggled for a while, but my baby boy is so smart. He has and continues to overcome every obstacle in his way.

Ok, I’m going to brag a little bit. My RJ is a master builder at legos. I have seen this kid build a 250 piece complex Dinosaur lego set in less than 2 hours. It takes me that long to read the instructions. 😉 He loves history. He can tell you most of the important facts about the Titanic; specs of the ship, size, number of survivors, date it sank, date it was built, etc. It’s truly impressive to hear him speak about all of the interesting details of historical moments way before his time. He is a wonderful, patient big and little brother. He has more patience than anyone I know. It takes him a lot to get frustrated or to even cry. He is an amazing helper and loves, loves, loves Godzilla. He is truly an amazing kid. ❤️

That being said I would like to dedicate the month of April to my Rj. Although he “dances to a different beat”, he is one of the best dancers I know (I have hours of video to prove it). And I cannot wait to see what God has in store for our little wonder.

So for the next few posts, I want to talk about how to understand Autism and how we can help our loved ones who see the world in a brighter way. Since I like to go on and on (blah, blah, blah), I thought maybe breaking it up into multiple posts would give you guys shorter post to read (🚨blogging advice alert🚨).

Anyway, thanks for reading my thoughts and allowing me to introduce you to one of the loves of my life. I hope we are all able to learn new information from each other throughout this journey.

Please feel free to drop a comment below to share an experience or relationship you have with someone who is Autistic. Or maybe you have a question about Autism that you would like for me to answer in my future post.

Please read Rj’s First Fist Fight…And Im A Little Proud! to learn more about RJ and our response to his first fight. It’ll surprise you!

Love you all and stay blessed!

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“Everyone has a mountain to climb and autism has not been my mountain, it has been my opportunity for victory.” –Rachel Barcellona

Autism images borrowed from google pics

April 6, 2018April 6, 2018

Funny Friday: Doc, I’m Dying

So, I came across this awesome site, Boredpanda.com, that shares real, but funny Emergency room stories, told by doctors.

For today’s Funny Friday, I would like to share a hilarious story that I read. Please enjoy and have a blessed Friday.

An older lady was brought into the ED barely conscious by her husband. In a very thick Italian accent she told the doctor she was dying. She had complained of feeling tingly and having a dry mouth prior to passing out.
The doctor sat the husband down and they did a history. No serious medical problems and she was very fit. In fact she spent the morning cleaning her sons bar, as she often did on a Sunday morning.
Considering her age they took these symptoms very seriously and begun running tests to find the source of her ailments.
The son came in to visit his mother, and on the way he bypassed his bar. He noticed that his mother had helped herself to some of the ‘treats’ prepared the night before.
The son, the apple of his parents eye, had to then explain to his father and the doctor that the treats she had enjoyed were space cakes. And apparently she really enjoyed them as she ate quite a few.
They then had to sit down and tell this elderly lady that she was not dying, and that she was in fact stoned!
Fortunately she was still high enough to see the humour.

😉

Image borrowed from media.giphy.com

April 5, 2018April 8, 2018

I’m Coming Out, I Want the World to Know

My dark passenger is angry, possessive, and selfish. I like to call her, Harley. She is someone that I have hidden for a very long time. She is cruel, inconsiderate, and too smart for her own good.

When I experience a manic episode, Harley rears her ugly head. She is no longer easily tamed but instead crazed for attention and dangerous fun. She used to be someone I wished I could always be, but that was the mania talking. After speaking to a few people who have experienced Harley, come to find out, she’s not that great at all.

If you are unfamiliar with my story, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I in 2003 when I was 17 years old. For the next few years, I would take depression medication here and there, but honestly, I didn’t take my diagnosis seriously. I thought I was perfectly ok when really I wasn’t…far from it.

People, like myself, who struggle with Bipolar Disorder usually experience manic episodes. Clinically, manic episodes are defined as periods of extremely elevated mood that are not just feeling “good” or “high,” but moods that are beyond reason and cause major distress and life impairment.

Symptoms of mania or manic episodes include:

Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity-You feel like you’re on top of the world and no one and nothing can stop you.
Increased Insomnia- One time I was awake for 46 hours straight
More talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking
Flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing- Your brain never turns off, NEVER!
Attention is easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant items
Excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., engaging in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments)

I experience every last symptom listed above, some more than others at times. Sometimes, I don’t realize I’m manic until I’m at the end of it and I begin to crash. For me, a manic episode can last for days, sometimes weeks. Once the mania is over, my mind goes into a deep, deep depression. I can’t stop it. I can’t prepare for it. It literally hits me like a ton of bricks every time.

Mania Crash Symptoms Include:

• Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
• Difficulty concentrating
• Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed
• Difficulty sleeping
• Overeating or loss of appetite
• Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
• Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

I hid my condition for a very, very long time. I was afraid that people who see me as crazy and unlovable. I felt as though no one would understand because who would listen to a “crazy” person, right? I lied to my family and friends all of the time. I created a facade, a secret identity, if you will, so no one would see the real me, Harley. I later realized (just recently) that I am not really Harley. She is just my dark passenger called Bipolar Disorder I.

After Harley comes out to play, I, Ashley, is left with the destruction. Confused by the wreckage and heartbreak that Harley has left behind, I would always feel so ashamed, I would hide. I’ve lost a lot of great people in my life due to Harley, but what can a gal do?

Anyway, this post is what some may call My Coming Out post. I’ve briefly mentioned my bipolar diagnosis in other posts, but I’ve always felt the need to kind of hide. You know, mention it, but not really deal with it. I would think, what if someone that hates me read that I am Bipolar? They would probably say, I knew she was crazy! But I wouldn’t be fulfilling the purpose of my blog if I continued to hide my mental illness from the world. I’m choosing to deal with this head-on.

Love me or hate me, I’m bipolar.

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” ~ Mary Anne Radmacher

If you know someone who is struggling with Bipolar Disorder, please let them they are not alone. If you are experiencing any of the symptoms above, please contact your healthcare professional. Bipolar disorder is manageable, but not without treatment. Take care of yourself!

If you liked this reading, please visit Journey to Forgiving Yourself and Blogging With Depression to learn more ways cope with mental illness.