Motivational – Page 4 – Healing with Harotian

May 29, 2018May 31, 2018

Letter To A Broken Heart

Hey Friends,

So, a good friend of mines, who I care for dearly, even though we have never met in person, is suffering from heartbreak. This pain is so familiar to me and I’m sure to you as well. There are very few people, if any, walking this planet who hasn’t experienced a broken heart. Whether it was from a breakup, betrayal, or even loss of a loved one (literally or figuratively).

Heartbreak has been known to claims lives. According to the American Heart Association, Broken Heart Syndrome can resemble symptoms that of a heart attack due to stress-induced cardiomyopathy aka a broken heart.

Personally, the last time my heart was broken, it felt like death had both of his hands wrapped around my heart, squeezing so hard that every breath that I took was unbearable. Every tear that ran down my face was that of physical and emotional twinge. I begged for relief, at one point, even hoped for death to finally claim the pieces of what was left of what used to pump life throughout my limp, lifeless body.

As my friend described her pain, I couldn’t help but be reminded of my own grief. I felt helpless on how to tell her ways to overcome such horrific agony. Honestly, I barely remember how I made it through myself.

Then, I prayed and asked God to reveal to me the right words to say which prompted tonight’s post.

My Dear Friend,

I know that you are hurting right now. The pain that you feel is unbearable. It feels as though life cannot possibly go on for one more minute of agony surrounding your mind. I do not have the answers that you seek, nor the cure for your discomfort, but one thing is for sure. The love that Jesus has for you will get you through this difficult time. Our Creator designed us to have needs and wants. He has designed us to love and take care of one another and you were betrayed by a person who promised they would protect you. There is only one person who can fulfill your need and desire for unconditional love, Yahweh. Even saying his name…Yahweh, allows you to create a new breath with every letter.

He created your needs and wants to match up with his. Your desire to be loved lines up perfectly with his need and desire to love you like your hand fitting into a glove. It is natural to try to find our desires here on earth in things and people other than God. So, it is not your fault. Please forgive yourself, friend. No one saw this coming, including you. But you know who did? Jesus! He knew that the world would break your heart. That is why is he waiting with his arms open wide, awaiting you to climb into his lap like an infant so he can comfort you that way a Father should comfort their child.

God promises that he will satisfy all of our needs and wants, including our need and want to be loved. He also promised to never break your heart as the world has. We will never be fully satisfied here on earth because the earth is not our permanent home. His kingdom is. We will find contentment for which we were created when we let our desires become fulfilled by him, and him alone. During times of suffering, he says, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” (2 Cor. 12:9). Take this opportunity to draw closer to him. He is waiting for you, friend. I promise he will give you more love and joy that this world has to offer. His word says, “So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7).

I love you so much, sis. I will continue to pray that the Lord makes every day easier to bear. Until then, know that I and our Abba Father are here for you.

Sincerely,

Ashley

If you are experiencing heartache, this letter applies to you also. Please know that I am here for you. You can email me, and I will be more than happy to pray for you and try to give you the best advice that I possibly can without judgment. I do not have all of the answers, but I know who does. Jesus and I are tight like size 2 underwear on a size 20 bear.

Love you guys with all my heart. Stay safe!

May 28, 2018May 28, 2018

“…but God, I Don’t Wanna!”

Hey Friends,

It is becoming abundantly clear that I whine to God…a lot. Not just a little, but way too much for my comfort. Here I am thinking, “Hmmm, I’m pretty mature. I got this being 32 years old down, pretty well.” Ha! That couldn’t be furthest from the truth when it comes to Jesus. I find myself being more child-like than anything, but then I think that it’s kind of the point, right? How do we try to obtain perfection in the eyes of the only true perfectionist?

In the morning, I try to spend time with God for two main reasons: 1. To set the tone for the rest of my day and 2. To check it off of my “to-do” list. As the day progresses and I haven’t spent time with him, I become more nervous because I know my chances of actually doing it becomes very slim. Not because I am extremely busy, but because I begin to whine to God as to why I unable to do it.

For example, imagine a very whiney Ashley saying, “…but Lord, I’m so tired. I need sleep. I have to spend time with the kids. I have to make dinner. I’m so tired, Lord.”

Then here comes the bargaining. “Ok, ok, God, give me like an hour to get my body together. Let me put something on my stomach, first, Jesus. Ok, ok, really, I haven’t forgotten about you. Lemme just watch this show real quick.”

Then, all of the sudden it’s midnight and I’m saying, “Oh Jesus, I will definitely spend time with you in the morning.” Then morning comes and the process starts all over again. You get my drift, right?

For me after a few days, guilt begins to set in. I’ll feel guilty that I’ve promised God my time and haven’t given to him. I’ll feel like a child asking for forgiveness, pleading and begging for another chance of redemption. Not realizing that he already knew that my lazy butt was going to make excuses and he has already forgiven me when he sent Jesus to die for me…and you. Pause and let that sink in, but come back cause I have more to say.

We sin all of the time. Even we are whining and crying like children at 32 years old, we are forgiven. Once I allowed that that to seep into my brain, spending time with him has become more of a pleasure than a chore. Now, I look forward to it. And when I miss the opportunity, I no longer beat myself up. Instead, I pray that I get another chance to hear his words and adhere to his glory and grace since it has already been gifted to you and me.

Plus, it’s a win/win because I always feel so much better after I open my bible. Me, personally, I love having a book to open and read, take notes, and highlight. But if you’re not like that, there is always the free digital bibles online. It’s literally a click away.

Spend a little time with God. He will give you the sustenance to get you through the next day. For Yahweh says, “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” -Matthew 6:34.

And if someone tells me not to worry about it, you guys should know me well enough to know my whiny butt is not going to worry about. Think of it like this…if someone tells you not to worry about paying the check for dinner, are you still going to pull out your wallet? I think not! I don’t know if that analogy fits, but oh well. I put it in there anyway.

I love you guys! I pray that you are having an amazing start to your week. I pray that your bellies are full, your beds are warm (or cool) and that your minds are at peace. I thank that Lord each day for all that read my thoughts, cause Jesus knows that they are crazy. Amen.

“Reading the Bible will help you get to know the word, but it’s when you put it down and live your life that you get to know the author.”― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

Mental and Physical Illness Is My Thorn

Hey Friends,

Today I want to talk about something that has been on my heart to share. So I decided since I am kidless for the next couple of hours, I would take this opportunity to allow the Holy Spirit to use me to speak to you. That’s if you have time to read it, of course.

So, here’s goes. Self-pity is a very real entity in my life. It is for a lot of people, but very few will admit it. I’m sure everyone has gone through a moment of despair and uncertainty and have asked, “Why me? Why is this happening to me? I’m a good person. I don’t deserve this.” Whether it’s a loss of a loved one or possession, job, or when dealing with an unexpected unfortunate event, such as mental and/or physical illness.

There are so many times, I have asked God, “What did I do to deserve this?” I originally anchored my illness to the idea that it was punishment for all of the horrible things I have done over the years. And it seemed that he would never answer me back. He would only give me tools to get through whatever “crisis” that I was experiencing to get through it, such as, bible scriptures, support from my family and friends, and as of lately, support from my church elders.

There are two scriptures that I have learned to “lean on” during times of self-pity, just in case you’re feeling pitiful right now…

Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”

One day, last week, during a moment of “why me?”, I felt God said, “Baby, stop whining and come here. Let me tell you why this is happening.” Or at least that’s how I interpreted it. I’m sure God was so much kinder and gentler, but it was almost like a smack upside the head.

The Holy Spirit lead me to 2 Corinthians 12, where it talks about the visions and revelations that God gave to Paul about heaven (2 Corinthians 12:3-4). Paul says, “…that I was caught up to paradise and heard things so astounding that they cannot be expressed in words, things no human is allowed to tell.”

Heaven is also described in Isaiah 6:1, which states, “It was in the year King Uzziah died that I saw the Lord. He was sitting on a lofty throne, and the train of his robe filled the Temple.” and also in Revelation 4, which John describes seeing “a throne in heaven and someone sitting on it. The one sitting on the throne was as brilliant as gemstones…and the glow of an emerald circled his throne like a rainbow.” In verse 6, John also described “…in front of the throne was a shiny sea of glass, sparkling like a crystal.”

Paul then goes on to say that God gave him a thorn in his flesh to prevent him from becoming too proud, or full of himself. In other words, Paul was forced to be uncomfortable to remain humble with all of the wonderful blessings that he was receiving (2 Cor. 12: 7-9). Paul even states that his visions are worth boasting about, but he doesn’t want to do it because then it would take away from the fact that it was because of God’s grace that he was able to have such beautiful visions in the first place. Talk about humility.

In verse 8, Paul states that he asked God three times to remove the thorns. And do you know what God said…

2 Corinthians 12:9

“Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.'”

When I first read this, I was like, “wait, what?” I need a little bit more than that Lord. I need money, I need health insurance, I need peace of mind. But then I learned the meaning of God’s grace.

The Old Testament word describing God’s grace is chesed. This word speaks of deliverance from enemies, affliction, or adversity. It also denotes enablement, daily guidance, forgiveness, and preservation. Grace means God moving heaven and earth to save sinners who could not lift a finger to save themselves. Grace means God sending His only Son to descend into hell on the cross so that we guilty ones might be reconciled to God and received into heaven. –AllAboutGod.com

See 2 Corinthians 5:21, Romans 3:22-24,Ephesians 2:8-10

And that’s not even to the tip of the iceberg. So then I was like…

Then our Abba Father hit me with his Tsunami-sized grace that had me like…

I was weeping like a baby, shouting, “Yes Lord, thank you, Jesus!!” Like Paul said, “That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor. 12:10)

So in conclusion (if you’ve made it this far down this extremely long post) I no longer see my mental and physical illness as a punishment, but yet the thorn in my flesh to draw me closer to our Abba Father and help further his agenda of drawing you closer to him as well. To be extremely honest, I wouldn’t have sought an intimate relationship with Jesus if I weren’t sick. I would still be living a life of sin…that good ole nasty, sticky sin, too. You know what I’m talking about.

My friends, if you are going through trials, hardships, loss, persecutions, and troubles as Paul describes, do not fret. Use this opportunity to draw closer to him. He will give you his grace on a platter. He will not only help you through it but restore you and heal you during the aftermath. He promised to never leave, nor forsake us. (Hebrew 13:5)

I love you all. I pray that each and every one of you is having a great start to your week. Happy Memorial Day to all of my United States followers. Stay safe out there.

“So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” -Deuteronomy 31:6

May 7, 2018May 24, 2018

Seeking God Part 4

Happy Sunday Friends!

This journey of seeking God has not been an easy one, but it has been worth it. I have seen God’s power, love, and mercy so much since I’ve taken my journey seriously. If you haven’t noticed, my blog has turned into God’s blog. A couple of months ago, the Lord told me that he wanted me to use my blog to spread his word. I was hesitant. I didn’t want to lose my non-Christian followers and I didn’t want to offend anyone. After a while, I could no longer deny his request.

Whenever I posted an article that he didn’t put on my heart to post, my numbers were down. You guys weren’t messing with me. Then, when I began to post content that he put on my heart, the number of views and followers increased tenfold. Don’t get me wrong, I lost a few followers, but I gained many more.

So, I have no choice but to trust him. He has shown this undeserving sinner more love and mercy than I expected. That is what’s so awesome about God. When he blesses you, he blesses you in overabundance, forcing you to do nothing but fall to your knees and cry out, “Abba, Father, thank you!”

If you are stubborn like me, the Lord will use your circumstances to bring you closer to him so he can mold you and strengthen you. In my case, I would say he has used Lupus and mental illness to get me to surrender to his will. Surrender…what a strong word. A lot of people think it is an insult to surrender, when in fact, it is a blessing. A Christ believer will tell you that surrendering is not a sign of weakness, as some will make you believe.

Surrending to the Lord requires more strength than people would like to acknowledge. Yet, once we surrender, we are able to get out of our own way and allow God to work. And, baby…when God works, he works wonders. His wonderful blessings are always more than we wanted for ourselves. Miracles happen. Please Letting Go, Letting God read how Jesus showed up in my bathroom and saved my life. True story 🙂

I no longer see my illness as a punishment, yet an opportunity to grow. Kind of like job training. I ask the Lord to allow me to be a great mom to my children. The Lord responded, “So be it my child, but first, I must prepare you.”

Think of a block of clay. When you purchase it from the craft store, it’s bland, boring, and ugly. But once the artist purchases it from the store (in God case, Jesus purchased us with his life), the artist then begins to transform it into a beautiful masterpiece.

The tools that the artist use are sharp and plentiful. If clay had feelings, one would think that the artist is torturing the clay, being unfair. But the sharp tools are necessary in order to mold the clay with precision and accuracy. Jesus paid the price. God uses our circumstances as tools to create a wonderful masterpiece within us. More times than often, it is going to hurt. But while he is sculpting us, he has given us resources to help us through the process, such as the Bible, elders of the church, prayer, and other Christians.

“Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord. Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well. And if you have committed any sins, you will be forgiven.” -James 5:14-15

Most importantly, he gives us his love and promises to be with us no matter what through the process.

The Lord says, “For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing.” -Jeremiah 31:25. To me, this means, during my sorrow, he will be there to give me comfort.

He also says, “…I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them.” -Psalm 91:14-15

Personally, I can’t speak for every Christian. I believe in Jesus because he was the only one that showed up when I cried out for help. Not Buddha, not Deity, not money or sex, but Jesus himself. The only thing I can do is give my life to the one who saved it, to the one who continues to bless my children with a mother.

Yesterday, I was blessed with mood stabilizers. As many of you may know, I struggle with Bipolar Disorder I. I have been unmedicated for some time now, which is dangerous. But, the Lord was so gracious and he heard my cries. So, I was able to receive a 90 day free supply of Depakote. I’m excited and scared at the same time. My biggest fear with taking mood stabilizers and anti-depressants is that I will lose the best parts of me; my creativity, my bubbly personality, my love of all things Life. But this is where trusting the Lord comes in.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” -Jeremiah 29:11

“Trust the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” -Proverbs 3:5-6

My faith, my trust in God’s plan (cues Drakes “Gods Plan”) for me is the only reason why I’m still alive. If I followed the world’s thinking, my kids would be without a mother.

Thank you all for reading my thoughts and for sharing this journey with me. I truly hope that I am able to inspire someone to trust that God has a plan for your life, and the struggles that you are facing are NOT it. God bless you!

“If the stars were made to worship, so will I. If the mountains bow in reverence, so will I. If the oceans roar Your greatness, so will I. For if everything exists to lift You high, so will I. If the wind goes where You send it, so will I. If the rocks cry out in silence, so will I. If the sum of all our praises still falls shy, then we’ll sing again a hundred billion times.” -So Will I (100 Billion X) by Hillsong Worship

To catch up, please read:

April 23, 2018April 23, 2018

Why You Should Believe You’ll Be Just Fine

In January 2010, I joined the United States Army. At the time, I was married to my first husband. Hannah and Rj were only 3 and 1 at the time. It was such a hard decision for me, but because of the Army’s benefits, I felt as though it was the best decision for my family. So, I signed up to fight for my country.

During MOS (military occupational specialty) training, while on an FTX (field training exercise), I fractured both sides of my hips and basically wore down the cartilage in my knees. So because I had served less than a year, the US Amry said, “thanks for your service, but you’re no longer needed” and sent my butt home. I was Rick James, for real.

My pride and self-worth were hurt because I felt like the biggest failure. On top of the fact that I can longer justify why I left my kids.

When I returned home and healed a bit, I had to meet with my commanding officers to discuss the honorable discharge that I had received. That is when my sergeant had notified me that as soon as I would have graduated from MOS training, my unit was being deployed to Afghanistan for 12 months.

Talk about relief! My self-pity immediately turned into gratitude. Although I wasn’t able to be a US Army soldier like I originally planned, I wasn’t about to be deployed neither. I later found out that a few of my battle buddies didn’t return home. Y’all, that could have been me!

What’s my point, you ask? Ok, let me get to it before this turns into a novel.

Sometimes in life, we put ourselves down when we are unable to accomplish the goals that we set for ourselves. We become discouraged and even feel worthless. But unbeknownst to us, God is really saving us from disaster. Whether it’s a relationship, marriage, friendship, job opportunity, etc. You never know that the Lord is doing behind the scenes in our lives. This is why we have to trust Him and know that His plan for us is more extravagant than any plan we can possibly have for ourselves.

The Good Book says,

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” -Proverbs 3:5-6

This verse has been my anchor, especially during this season of my life. I do not understand why things are happening the way that they are happening, but I trust the Lord with all of my heart to not only get me through this season but allow me to become healed.

Things may not make sense to you right now, but trust that God will not only pull you through, but you will come out of the other end stronger. I am living proof!

Stay blessed friends!

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” -Jeremiah 29:11

April 18, 2018April 19, 2018

Thank You Ms. Carey

Today, I received a notification from Apple News that read, “Mariah Carey Once Hospitalized After Believing Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, & Prince Were Dinner Guest”. Wait! Before you stop reading, this post is NOT celebrity gossip or even my opinion on the matter. I promise, there’s a point.

So, if you are a fan of pop culture, then you would know that the mother of two, multi-platinum selling recording artist, Mariah Carey recently announced that she struggles with Bipolar Disorder to the public. When I read the headline I immediately assumed that if the incident did happen (cause let’s be honest, you can’t believe everything you read in the media), I’m sure it was during a manic episode. Or maybe, she is a medium and communicates with spirits. Honestly, you never know.

My point is, I feel sad for her, but I’m so grateful that she has decided to share her story. She is a world-renowned diva, whose voice and passion has gotten me through some rough times. Her decision to be open about her condition has brought awareness to millions of her fans. And I appreciate that. More awareness brings additional education and understanding and hopefully better resources. So the next time, we find out a loved-one may have symptoms of Bipolar Disorder, you can help them and not judge them.

Please read She Must Be Crazy on how to approach a loved one if you suspect they are struggling with a mental illness.

Also, please read I’m Coming Out, I Want the World to Know about my personal journey with Bipolar Disorder. I’ve never had dinner plans with the deceased, but I probably wouldn’t mind it neither.

I pray that God is with everyone who is struggling with mental/physical illness, addiction, heartbreak, and any other ailment, that He heals us and comforts us. That He extends His love so we know that we are not alone. I also pray that we find healing in your word, for you tell us that “your word is alive and powerful” and that “it is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword cutting between soul and spirit” (Hebrews 4:12). We are all in this fight together as children of God.

Thank you to everyone who took the time out of their day to sending inspirational, loving comments under my last post. I was going through it for a moment, but after I prayed a few prayers and talked to supportive people, I was able to come out of the dark space I was in. I began to doubt whether or not I should have allowed myself to be so public with my breakdown, but then sharing my journey wouldn’t be authentic. 🙂 So thank you to everyone who prayed for me. And of course, thank you to everyone who I began has enough patience to read my long post. I can go on and on and on, like now.

Love you all! Thank you for your continued support. Stay blessed!

“With God’s help we will do mighty things, for he will trample down our foes.” -Psalm 60:12

April 17, 2018April 17, 2018

7 Reasons Why We Avoid Progress

Hello Friends!

Have you ever been afraid to become a better you? That sounds crazy right. You’re probably saying, “why would someone be afraid of progressing in life?” We would like to think that we want and need progression in our lives, but very few people will admit to being afraid of it. I know I am.

I so desperately want to get better, feel better, and do better. So why does the thought of “being a better me” frighten me so much? There must be something wrong with me, right? WRONG!

Ron Edmondson is a church leader and pastor of Immanuel Baptist Chruch and is an avid believer in Jesus. I was introduced to him by one of my church elders and leader of the group that I’m in called Crash the Chatterbox, Bert.

Bert gave our class a handout that explained why we are afraid of progress written by Ron Edmondson. When I first read it, I thought the same thing you said, “Why would anyone be afraid of progress?” But then I started reading. The reasons he stated makes sense and has transformed my perception, so hopefully, it’ll transform yours as well. Let’s do this!

7 Reasons We Avoid Progress by Ron Edmondson

It stretches us– Progress will lead to unchartered territories; areas that you have never been in before. The unknown can be scary
It invites us– Progress loves to create interest in new activities and circumstances. In order to fuel and maintain the momentum, one must embrace the continuous change that is going to happen.
You HAVE to improve– Progress requires more energy and effort as it progresses. Keep in mind, “You have to get better to get bigger.”
It’s often messy– I like to say, “Anything worth having is going to require a fight.” If it were easy, everyone would be rich, everyone would be successful, everyone would have the spouse of there dreams.
It often defies logic or boundaries– Think about this, 100 years ago, you would have been locked up in an insane asylum if you told them that is it possible to pick up a device, put it to your ear, and talk to someone 2,000 miles away in 30 seconds? Sometimes, stepping outside of the box will take you further than staying in it.
It invites competition– “Show people a little progress and someone will want to join the fun!” -Bert V. In today’s social media infested society, it seems that everyone is losing their individuality to become more like celebrities, and the celebrities are copying each other. So, maybe, if you progress, then others would want that for themselves, too.
It begs for more– This couldn’t be truer. One time I thought to myself, “Ugh! Blogging requires so much time and attention, and I need my naps, soooo…. maybe this is something I don’t want to do. I’m glad I didn’t listen to myself but instead listened to God. I sounded stupid. Blogging has become my safe haven, my beach, my getaway. Why would I deprive myself of such harmony just because I need naps? Don’t be a turd in a hot tub, floating around, waiting to get flushed. Nurture what nurtures you.

Reading over this broadened my perception. I didn’t know that I was afraid of progressing until I said, “Yea, I’m afraid of that” to most of the reasons. I was like the chicken in the video clip. A part of improving, unfortunately, is taking a really good look at yourself. Not your outer appearance, but your soul. And you may not like what you see. I surely don’t! But you know what, it is very much worth it.

I love the feeling that I have when I know I’m improving myself. I feel great when I know something that I have struggling with is now no longer a concern. All it took what a hard look, a little vodka, and a whole lotta Jesus. Joking about the vodka, cause boy, I wish.

Anyway, thank you so so much for reading my thoughts. I appreciate all of the love that is shown to me and I love each and every one you in Jesus name. Stay blessed, family.

PS…sorry for all of the cute furry animals. I wanted to use furry cuteness to represent my mood, but I think all it’s going to do is make you guys go…

“Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning.” -Benjamin Franklin

April 15, 2018April 15, 2018

Crash the Chatterbox

Did you know that the average human being has up to approximately 60,000 negative thoughts per day? According to Psychology Today, 70% of our thoughts are negative. That’s a lot, right. I mean, out of all of the things that we think about, 70% are negative? It makes me sad to know that I have spent so much of my energy on negative thinking, but it also makes me feel better to know that I am not alone when it comes to having negative thoughts.

So, what next? How do we not have so many negative thoughts, when obviously, it’s a flaw that most people struggle with.

In my attempt to grow closer to Christ, I have joined a handful of support and community groups at my church. I so badly want to drown out the negative thoughts that plague my mind. Do any of these sound familiar?

I’m not worthy
I’m ugly
I’m fat/skinny
No one loves me
My life is meaningless
God doesn’t love me
No one understands me or my condition

Pity party, right? Well, no more! One of the classes that I joined is based on the Christian bible study called Crash the Chatterbox by Steven Furtick. This study focuses on how to replace your own negative thoughts (the chatterbox) with the word of God. It also focuses on building a closer relationship with Jesus so you can learn how to seek him in peace and turmoil.

Related Post: Seeking Emotional Refuge in God

When I first learned about this study, I was super excited. I am so tired of hearing my own thoughts, getting caught up in my own mind. Now, I am learning to turn off the chatterbox and directing my focus completely on Jesus.

This weeks lesson we learned that:

The chatterbox will always try to convince you that God doesn’t love you
We have to turn on focus on Jesus. When we focus less on ourselves and more on Jesus, we are able to hear him clearly and feel his unconditional love.
- Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. -Proverbs 3:5-6
Gods says I amOverpowering who I say I am
- When Moses said to God, “If I come to the people of Israel and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ what shall I say to them?” God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.” And he said, “Say this to the people of Israel, ‘I AM has sent me to you.’” God also said to Moses, “Say this to the people of Israel, ‘The Lord, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has sent me to you.’ This is my name forever, and thus I am to be remembered throughout all generations.” (Exodus 3:13–15)
Gods says He willOverpowering my fear
- So we can say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?” -Hebrews 13: 6
God says He hasOverpowering condemnation
- In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. -1 Peter 5:10
Gods says I canOverpowering the lies of discouragement
- Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. -Psalm 139: 14-15
The Chatterbox will always try to make you misunderstand the nature of who you are in relation to who God is.
God wants us to have confidence in his everlasting love and notin our circumstances

There is so much more in this study that I am unable to go over without turning this post into a book. If you are interested in learning how to turn off the chatterbox on your mind and focus on what God has planned for you, please click here for the complete set; study guide, book, and DVD.

Click this link to view Steven Furtick teaching one of his lessons. He’s really inspiring and you’re always left feeling inspired as well.

I’ve been doing this study for two weeks and I can already see a difference in my thought process. Please read Changing your Mindset; Becoming More Mindful for more ways you can transform your mind to become more positive.

Please remember friends, allow God to transform your thoughts into his word. Allow Him to transform your heart and your mind to be more like him. So you can have peace knowing that Jesus is always with you. Pray so he can hear you. Read His word to hear him. Stay blessed, family. I love you all and I pray that you are having a beautiful Sunday.

“Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God said this, ‘I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” -Hebrews 13:5

Image borrowed from google pics

April 8, 2018April 7, 2018

Seeking God Part 3

This morning, I’m scrolling WordPress per usual. Catching up on reading my favorite bloggers and checking out new ones. You know, blogger stuff. So anyway, I click on one of my favs bloggers Tammy’s GodInspiredArt Blog to catch up with her latest shenanigans and she has this wonderful idea (click here to visit) to open up your bible to the verse based on the current time. For example, it’s 9:36 a.m., so I would turn to any book in the Bible that has 9:36 and allow the Holy Spirit to take it from there.

This morning, I opened my bible and the Holy Spirit lead me to Mark 9:24, which reads The father instantly cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!”

As the kids say, I was shooketh!

This exactly what I cried out to the Lord last night. I believe but I need help casting out any doubts I still have. Thank you, Lord, for speaking to me.

Then of course you know I had to keep reading. And that’s when Jesus revealed more of himself to me. Mark 9:25-29 reads

When Jesus saw that the crowd of onlookers was growing, he rebuked the evil spirit. “Listen, you spirit that makes this boy unable to hear and speak,” he said. “I command you to come out of this child and never enter him again!”

26 Then the spirit screamed and threw the boy into another violent convulsion and left him. The boy appeared to be dead. A murmur ran through the crowd as people said, “He’s dead.” 27 But Jesus took him by the hand and helped him to his feet, and he stood up.

28 Afterward, when Jesus was alone in the house with his disciples, they asked him, “Why couldn’t we cast out that evil spirit?”

29 Jesus replied, “This kind can be cast out only by prayer.”

Friends, this made me give out a genuine sigh of relief. Just the other day, I spoke about my dark passenger. Click here to read more about it. And then Jesus speaks. We are the child and our struggles are the evil spirit. In my case, Harley. When Jesus commanded the evil spirit to remove itself from the little boy, the boy’s reaction sounds painful, “threw the boy into violent convulsions…” Everyone thought he was dead. But then JESUS came along and helped him to his feet.

Going through it is seemingly impossible and very painful. Sometimes I feel my mind is going into “convulsions”, but now I know, that Jesus will be there, not just to cast out my dark passenger, but also to pick me up, dust me off, and become my new passenger for eternity. Thank you, God, for Jesus!!

**Quick Praise Break**

Oh the best part, afterward when Jesus and his disciples were alone, they asked why they weren’t able to do it cast out the evil spirit. Jesus reply was “This kind can be cast out only by prayer.” (v.29) Thank you, Jesus! Yes!

The demon that we’re facing is powerful, but his power doesn’t even compare to the power of Jesus. Our demons, our mental illness, our finances, our sickness, our heartbreak, our anxiety, our fears, WILL BE cast out forever, leaving us with eternal peace in Jesus, through prayer.

Thank you, Tammy, for allowing God to use you to speak to me.

God bless everyone who is reading this. Please be inspired to read your bible and pray. I am living proof that prayer works. And with God, I will beat this! PRAY, pray, pray! Pray so He can hear you, read your bible so you can hear Him.

“How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered. I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!” -Psalm 139:17-18

April 4, 2018April 4, 2018

How to Maintain a Successful Relationship

At 32 years old, I never thought that I would find anyone to marry me, let alone two people. Before my current husband, I was married for about eight years. My ex-husband and I got married very young for the wrong reasons. After we separated, he expressed to me that the only reason why he married me was that I was pregnant with our daughter and he thought I would leave him. I couldn’t be offended by that answer because I only married him so I wouldn’t be another statistic. I was 19 years old, pregnant, and wanted my daughter to grow up in a two-parent household. At that time, I think we loved each other. Honestly, I think we both were in love with the idea of family and not in love with each other.

Shortly after my daughter was born, things quickly changed. I think for my ex-husband, he became a father without knowing what that really meant. So he withdrew himself. He distracted himself with online games and hanging out with his friends. The more pressure I put on him to be a good father, the more he withdrew himself away from us. Until eventually, I gave up and asked for the divorce.

I spent many years after our separation blaming him for the destruction of our marriage. I blamed his selfishness and lack of attention that he put into the relationship he had with me and our children. After a while, though, I was forced to look at my actions that contributed to marriage failing. It was hard. It was easier for me to blame him for everything, but most of the time, when a relationship fails, it was caused by both people.

Looking back, I see the things that we both could have done differently. After our divorce was finalized, I took time to learn about myself. I had to take a hard, honest look at who I was and what kind of partner I would be to someone else. I’ll be honest, a lot of the stuff that I learned I didn’t like. For instance, I realized that I was extremely controlling. I not only wanted to control my household, but I wanted to control my ex-husband. I wanted to control his feelings and his reactions to my feelings. I wanted to control how he treated me and I wanted to control how he treated me as his wife. I allowed my expectations of what a husband and wife relationship should be versus allowing us to learn and grow together.

I didn’t notice that I was being so controlling. I was so afraid of being treated badly, I allowed my fear to create another wedge in our relationship. Don’t get me wrong, we definitely do not belong together. We are better parents apart than we ever were together, but I’m glad that we went through it because it was one of the greatest learning experiences that I’ve ever had. My relationship with my ex-husband prepared me for my marriage with my current husband. I’ve definitely learned something along the way that has helped my husband and I get through those annoying marital issues that come up every now and then.

Below are tips that I have learned that has allowed my husband and I to have a great relationship. We still have out bumps in the road, but the following tips have made those bumps more like ant hills and less like mountains. So let’s begin.

Tip#1: Always be willing to adapt– Would you say that you are the same person you were ten years ago? Probably not. You’ve changed, right? Well, that is never going to change. As human beings, we are constantly changing, growing from our experiences. So, the person that you fell in love with will more than likely change over the years as well. You have to be ready to fall in love with the new changes that your partner may present. For example, let’s say you fell in love with your partner because he/she is a successful musician, but then one day, they wake up and decide they want to become an accountant. Would you leave them or adapt to their decision? Having a successful relationship means choosing to love them through whatever decision they make.

Tip #2 Be Honest- Trust takes years to earn, but only seconds to lose. We all lie (well most of us) to protect the people that we love, but lying has the potential to do more harm than good. It easier to work through a bad decision that your partner made versus working through a bad decision and a lie. In my experience, the truth will always be revealed.

Tip #3 Patience– Having patience with your partner will take you further than you realize. When my husband and I are having a discussion, I have to take a deep breath at least 20 times during our conversation. It’s a little trick I’ve learned to prevent myself from interrupting him. It’s not 100% effective, but it has made a huge difference on how our conversations turn out.

Tip #4 Seek God Together– Discerning the voice of God will play a huge part in any relationship you are in. When you know Gods instructions on how he wants us to treat each other, it helps with how we interact with each other. I respect my husband more because of the love I know that I am supposed to have for him. I allow Gods love to guide how I feel about my husband versus allowing the world to guide me on how to love my husband. I see a lot of post on social media that tells us that we should love each other based off of what that person can do for us, but God says that we should serve and love each other, despite how it may benefit us. Do not love your spouse because of what they can do for you. Love them because God loves you.

Tip #5 Respect each other– This is a hard one for a lot of people because nowadays, people only respect someone if they too feel respected, but being in a relationship isn’t about that. In a marriage, sometimes, you may feel that your spouse has disrespected you. When my husband was unfaithful during our marriage, I felt very disrespected. I felt he disrespected me, our relationship, and our family. But does that mean I should stop respecting him? Absolutely not. This is where I had to learn the true meaning of forgiveness. As easy as it would have been to walk away, that would have been the wrong choice. His bad decision did not change who he is as a father and a husband. It just simply meant he made a mistake. And since he is human and mistakes are expected, I trusted God to help us work through it. Now, we are stronger than ever before. All thanks to his mistake.

Tip #6 Pick your battles– Not everything has to be a fight or a battle. There are some potential arguments that you are able to walk away from. When we first started dating, my husband told me that I was like a doormat. That I allowed anything to fly. This couldn’t be furthest from the truth. It’s not that I allowed anything to fly, I just didn’t like arguing over things that were meaningless. If he does something that was annoying or something I don’t like, I think “Is this really worth an argument?” In my opinion, some situations are unavoidable, but other situations can be let go if you don’t allow your pride and ego to get in the way. Sometimes you just have to LET IT GO. Save your energy for the more important fights because trust me, they will happen.

Tip #7 Active listening– I used to complain all of the time about how I felt my husband wasn’t actively listening to me. Sometimes when I would talk about a subject that was important to me, he would be playing his game or reading an article online. I would purposely say an assinine remark, just to see if he was listening and the majority of the time he was not. I’m sure a lot of men get grief about this when sports are on television or if they too own a game system. But just imagine how much less bickering you hear if you look your partner in the eye while they were talking. This would benefit your relationship in three ways:

It will allow your partner to feel like you are listening, thus creating trust and desire to share more intimate details about themselves.
It will give you an opportunity to add your two cents. If you listen to what that person has to say, then they are more likely to hear what you have to say, thus, creating a healthy “back and forth” conversation.
The bond between you and your partner will grow that much stronger. We all want someone that we feel we can talk to. Why not that person be the person who’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with.

It took 2 marriages and multiple failed relationships for me to come with this short list. I’ve made plenty of mistakes, so I take pride in learning from each and every one. It is my hope that, regardless of what kind of relationship you may be in; husband and wife, partner and partner, best friends, work relationship, church relationship; you are able to take away any helpful tips to gain a healthier, successful relationship.

My relationship with my husband isn’t perfect and it will never be perfect. We are two human beings who are constantly evolving in a sinful world who’s bound to make countless mistakes. Knowing this, I chose to fall in love with my husband every day that I have the blessing of waking up next to him. Each day, I learn something new about him. Sometimes I like what I learn and some days I don’t. But I chose to love him despite his flaws because he chooses to love me despite mine. Sometimes I feel I give him more reasons than none NOT to love me, but he continues to show me through Gods love, his love, support, and dedication to our marriage every day that his love for me is unconditional.

Thank you for reading my thoughts. I pray that God blesses each and every one of you beyond your deepest desires.

“Nobody can predict the future. You just have to give your all to the relationship you’re in and do your best to take care of your partner, communicate and give them every last drop of love you have. I think one of the most important things in a relationship is caring for your significant other through good times and bad.” -Nick Cannon

March 25, 2018April 4, 2018

Fighting The Good Fight

Hey Friends!

I’ve been away for longer than I expected and I’m so sorry.

There were some circumstances happening in my personal life that triggered a “dark moment”. Dark moments occur when I’ve lost control of depression and it desperately tries to take over my life.

It’s a process to get through such moments and it takes a lot of support from God and my loved ones to get through it, otherwise, depression and anxiety would swallow me whole. Yet, I continue to fight the good fight towards emotional stability and overall wellness; mind, body, soul.

That being said, I came across this quote that convinced me to continue blogging. I entertained the thought of giving up my blog because there is so much going on and I have to let something go. Right now, life is overwhelming and I have to take a step back.

So instead of giving up completely, I will go back to blogging 4 days a week just until I am able to dedicate more time. Plus, it would be so stupid and selfish of me to give up something 1. I love, 2. I’ve dedicated a lot of time and effort to, 3. Gods blessing.

I don’t know where I’m headed, Per se…I just know blogging will get me there and I cannot give up, no matter what challenges present themselves.

I’m really proud of myself for posting daily, even if it lasted for a few weeks. It’s all about celebrating the small things, I guess 🤷🏽‍♀️

I pray that whatever you are facing in life, that you have the courage to continue your journey and allow God to use what’s in your heart to illuminate your path. I pray that instead of regretting what you didn’t accomplish, you will celebrate because YOU did it, YOU tried it and that’s more than a lot of people have done. Be proud of yourself!

One Love! Stay blessed!

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.” -Steve Jobs

March 12, 2018March 12, 2018

Fuel for Thoughts: Monday Motivation

Happy Monday Friends!

I want you to know that right now, your struggle is only temporary. I mentioned in my post yesterday Seeking God Part 2 that your circumstances aren’t designed to hurt you, but to make you stronger. If we avoid our problems, then we will be missing out on a chance to become a better “us”.

Allow your struggles to teach you, not hinder you. Allow them to mold you so in the future you become to better equipped to deal with any of life’s challenges.

It’s ok to feel defeated, but that is when you pick yourself up by your bootstraps and push forward. Don’t live in defeat. Don’t allow defeat to become apart of you. Acknowledge it, pray on it, and give it God. Stay faithful to his will and the Lord will provide you with everything that you need.

Have a wonderful Monday, my friends. I pray your day is as beautiful as you are.

“Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle.” -Napoleon Hill

March 7, 2018March 10, 2018

Let Me Go, Guilt!

guilt Do you feel guilty? I do, well at least I used to. It was very easy to feel guilty about the things that I would say or do. I would feel guilty for stooping down to someone’s juvenile behavior by arguing or “seeking revenge”. I would feel guilty about being rude or disrespectful. I would feel guilty if someone sneezed and I wouldn’t say “bless you”.

After a while, I was tired of feeling guilty all of the time. At first, I blamed other people. I would even go as far to say that someone else “made me do it” or “made me say it”. Suddenly, I came to the realization that guilt is a burden that we were never meant to bear.

aaeaaqaaaaaaaaypaaaajdqzngjjmdgylwm4owytngjizs1hymrklwjlnzm4yjkznjzioa I’ve realized that guilt is such a meaningless emotion, yet it has the ability to crumble the sturdiest of foundations. So, why do we bother giving attention to an emotion that is essentially a waste of time? Judgment! Usually, we feel guilty about something because we are afraid of being judged. Let’s say you cheated on your wife/husband. You may feel guilt because you know that if your spouse found out, they would be extremely hurt. Let’s say you and your spouse have an open marriage (meaning you can carry on relationships with other people outside of your relationship). Would you feel guilty for sleeping with someone else, then? Probably not, because you know that your spouse is ok with it.

When you do something wrong, you’ve done it. That’s it. You can’t undo it. You can’t “unring a bell”, as they say. So why feel guilty? Why agonize over the terrible thing that you’ve done? You’re human and you’re going to make mistake no matter how much you try not to. The only person that walked this earth that was perfect was Jesus and even Jesus was judged and crucified by His peers. So, the question is are you, Jesus? If your answer is no, then you can stop expecting perfection. If your answer is yes, then maybe you should reevaluate your life. Just a suggestion. The expectation of perfection is almost as asinine as feeling guilty for your actions. If we truly think about it, it doesn’t make sense.

32666-fatherandson-forgiveness-sunset-1200w-tn I recently hurt my baby boy by accident. Afterward, saying I felt guilty wouldn’t be an accurate description of my true feelings. The more appropriate words would be cow dung. It wasn’t long before I realized that feeling guilty or like cow dung wasn’t going to help my baby boy feel better. The only accomplishments that guilt would result in are negative thoughts and self-pity. “Oh, woe is me…I’m such a crappy mother…I hurt my baby…wah, wah, wah.” You get the picture. The feeling of guilt had to be pushed to the side. I had to come up with a plan to help him feel better, along with making a mental note to not hurt him in the manner again. I asked for forgiveness from my son and my Lord and kept it pushing. I know that my son and God forgave me, so that wasn’t much more for me to do. “For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved” (John 3:17)

Meaning, God already knew that I was going to mess up. He already knew that I was going to hurt my son, but He tells us not to worry. As long as I say sorry, or repent, I will be forgiven. So why should I feel ashamed of something that I have already been forgiven for? I know that we encounter people into our lives that may be as forgiving as our heavenly Father. I have a few of those people in my family, but if someone chooses not to forgive you or hold onto a grudge to make you feel guilty, then that seems more like their problem and not yours.

Throughout the day, guilt would try to attach itself to me when I saw my sons big beautiful brown eyes glaring up at me. I would think, “how could I hurt someone that darn cute.” But then, I would immediately dismiss it. I thought, “It’s done. It’s over with. I’ve fixed it and there is nothing that I can do now except move on.”

Below are a few thoughts that I recited to myself to kick guilts butt. I hope you are able to find them helpful so you can be free from any guilt that you may be holding onto:

I did what I did and I said what I said. There is no way to go back and change it. What I will do TODAY, is appreciate every darn thing I did badly. Because tomorrow, I won’t do it again.
“No matter how frustrated, disappointed and discouraged we may feel in the face of our failures, it’s only temporary. And the faster you can stop wallowing in guilt, blame or resentment, the faster you can put it behind you.” -Fabrizio Moreira
I am the master of my own feelings. I am only here to learn from my mistakes. I am not perfect and I don’t expect anyone else to be. What I choose to do now, is learn and grow from my mistakes.
An exciting and inspiring future awaits you beyond the noise in your mind, beyond the guilt, doubt, fear, shame, insecurity, and heaviness of the past you carry around. -Debbie Ford
“~~An apology may be a sign of weakness~~, but having the courage to go up to someone and say sorry is a strength!” -Unknown
“Mistakes are part of life, everyone makes them, everyone regrets them. But, some learn from them and some end up making them again. It’s up to you to decide if you’ll use your mistakes to your advantage.”– Meredith Sapp

Drop a comment below to share any affirmations or quotes that help you get rid of guilt. Otherwise, have a wonderful rest of your day. I love you all for reading my thoughts and wish nothing but joy and peace in your life. God bless!

Images borrowed from Crosswalk.com, Linkedin, and Writers Bloc

February 26, 2018April 11, 2018

Steps to Manifesting Your Goals

Hello fellow bloggers,

giphy8 Sometimes, when dealing with stress, we forget about the goals that we had before those other situations arose. My kids were surprised when I told them I had dreams. Hannah said, “…but moms don’t have dreams. We are your dreams.”

giphy9

I realized at that moment, that they only know me as, Mom. Not, Ashley the poet, Ashley the dreamer, Ashley the artist, Ashley the super beautiful, super intelligent, super awesome-sauce life giver. 😉☝🏽Just, Mom.😎

I spend so much time doing this and doing that (mom duties) that they haven’t seen me in Ashley mode. Well, in their defense, I haven’t been in Ashley mode in over a year due to mental and physical ailments, but all of that is slowly changing. I am determined to be “me” again, whoever “me” is.

Today, I finally took a step towards developing my candle business. “You make candles, Ashley?” Oh, thanks for asking, and yes, yes I do! It’s so relaxing and I love it. I came up with a bunch of excuses (which we love to do) when it comes to following our dreams: giphy13

I cant afford it
The candle supply store is too far
No one is going to buy them
That money can be used else where
I’m too busy
Ain’t nobody got time for that

So today, I took that leap (well my husband drug me) to the candle supply store to buy supplies. Now, I can’t wait to get to work.

I would like to share with you a list of goals that we should try to manifest in our daily lives in order to LIVE our lives to the fullest and accomplish our goals.

I found this list from a wonderful Instagram page dedicated to meditating and love. If you have Instagram, I recommend visiting her page for daily doses of inspiration. You can find her at @meditateandlove. Don’t worry, I took a screenshot of this list before my social media fast. I just found it and was like, “Ooohhh, I don’t know what to blog about, so I’m just going to blog about something that someone else came up with.”

Meditate to reprogram your mind
Set a vision/goal board and visualize it
Be grateful and have faith
Have a plan
Acquire necessary skills to get there
Focus on your goal
Take action

Thoughts I had after I read this:

giphy11

🌸“Come on, warrior!” (I call myself warrior when I’m trying to get motivated. Don’t judge me!)

🌸”You got this!”

🌸”Get up, move.”

🌸”Push it, push it, push it.”

🌸”If they can do it (whoever ‘they’ is) then you can do it.”

🌸”Make Jesus proud. He didn’t die for you to moan and cry all the time.”

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men” (Colossians 3:23)

The moral is follow your D.R.E.A.M.S! Do not allow your circumstances to discourage you. My motto is, if you think about a goal that you want to accomplish more than fives times a week, then you need to get off your rump shaker and go for it!🤪👍🏽

“Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases and its toll on success and happiness is heavy.” -Wayne Gretzky

February 22, 2018April 10, 2018

Apple Pickens Giggen Bottoms

Hey friends!

So I wanted to share a true moment of joy for me. Right now, I am chilling in very large/very small sofa couch thing. Sorry, I don’t know the technical name for it. Anyway, it’s in a private spot that my husband set up for me next to our patio door so I can have a “zen” writing area. My view is filled with naked trees, modern buildings, but most importantly a beautiful, bright blue sky.

wildmedicalindiancow-size_restricted So this moment of joy that I’ve just experienced was brought by one small memory. Picture this, 12-year-old Ashley, feeling unloved and unwanted by her loved ones. While struggling with the developments of puberty (but then again, who didn’t struggle with puberty?). My boyfriend (very 1st) introduced me to the sweet sounds of Boyz II Men. I will never forget hearing…

I long for, the warmth of, days gone by
When you were mine
But now those days are memories in time
Life’s empty, without you
By my side
My heart belongs to you
No matter what I try

-Boyz II Men, 4 Seasons of Lonliness

…for the first time.

sinfulclumsybactrian-size_restricted Since that moment, I became obsessed. I consider myself one of the biggest Boyz II Men fans in the world. There are very few celebrities that I would stop traffic for, Jesus, Leonardo Decaprio, and Boyz II Men. I developed a connection with this group because they got me through a lot! They were with me when the depression began to rear its ugly head. They convinced me to forgive when my boyfriend broke my heart. They told me to forgive my mother when I was upset with her. They taught me I am worthy to be loved. They taught me to love God and most importantly, love myself. Every song, every melody, every precious note that hit my hear was inspiring my soul.

They replanted the seed of self-worth that has been slowly picked out by heartbreak and betrayal. They taught me how I deserved to be treated as a woman and a mother by my future spouse. I developed a sense of love, hope, and happiness. They helped me daydream of moments that inspire me today to be a good woman, wife, and mother. I wanted to be loved, but I wanted to love deeply and unconditionally. They inspired the hopeless romantic poet you see before you. They taught me how to be expressive. Oddly, they taught me how to love and how to be loved. They taught me my first lesson of developing healthy habits to control my emotions.

I was able to use poetry as an outlet. This later grew into a hunger for learning as much as I can so I can write as much I can. And now I am a blogger. I’ve been writing since I could remember, but it was Boyz II Men (and the love of Jesus) that ignited a passion for what I wanted to write about. A flood of emotions began pouring out like a wild but tamed storm Each time my pencil would mark my notepad. I felt a star being born (a literal star, not “I’m going to be a star” star).

Just now, while typing another blog about (well, I’ll let it be a surprise), a sweet angelic voice came out of my laptop speakers singing

She was like nothing I’d ever known
Her eyes shine like diamonds in a field of snow
The way destiny led her to me
Made me feel like life was now complete

-Boyz II Men, Pass You By

I had to stop what I was doing to share this moment. When Wanye began singing his heart out from my Youtube app, I was immediately reminded of the amount of self-worth and pride I developed. I was reminded of a happier time in society, where self-esteem was not an issue because there were men in this world who knew the value of a woman, a good woman. That woman aren’t b***ches and h**s, but are beautiful creatures gracing the earth with our knowledge and love.

So, ok, you’re saying, “Ashley, get to the point! Why did you to completely stop what you’re doing to share this moment with us?” Or maybe you’re saying, “Ashley, get to the point! This post is taking way too long to read.” Either way, I wanted to completely stop what I was doing to tell you that you are loved. You deserve to be treated like the king/queen that you are. Live every moment of your life feeling every positive emotion that you can; happiness, joy, hope, serenity, kindness, gratitude. Remember the awesome things that make you, you.

You are awesome-sauce! I don’t care what your boss said. I don’t care what your mama said. I don’t care what your kid said. You are BEAUTIFUL! You are WONDERFUL! You are the perfect result of God’s creation and best believe He makes NO mistakes. Boyz II Men told me, now I’m telling you. Love deeply, love intensely, but most importantly, love yourself!

“I love the lord, he heard my cry.” Boyz II Men, Dear God

By the way, if you had noticed, my blog title has nothing to do with my post. I just couldn’t come up with a title and this was the first thing that popped into my head. Thanks for reading. Even all the way down here cause this is a long post. 🙂 Love you all!