So I wanted to share a true moment of joy for me. Right now, I am chilling in very large/very small sofa couch thing. Sorry, I don’t know the technical name for it. Anyway, it’s in a private spot that my husband set up for me next to our patio door so I can have a “zen” writing area. My view is filled with naked trees, modern buildings, but most importantly a beautiful, bright blue sky.
So this moment of joy that I’ve just experienced was brought by one small memory. Picture this, 12-year-old Ashley, feeling unloved and unwanted by her loved ones. While struggling with the developments of puberty (but then again, who didn’t struggle with puberty?). My boyfriend (very 1st) introduced me to the sweet sounds of Boyz II Men. I will never forget hearing…
I long for, the warmth of, days gone by
When you were mine
But now those days are memories in time
Life’s empty, without you
By my side
My heart belongs to you
No matter what I try
-Boyz II Men, 4 Seasons of Lonliness
…for the first time.
Since that moment, I became obsessed. I consider myself one of the biggest Boyz II Men fans in the world. There are very few celebrities that I would stop traffic for, Jesus, Leonardo Decaprio, and Boyz II Men. I developed a connection with this group because they got me through a lot! They were with me when the depression began to rear its ugly head. They convinced me to forgive when my boyfriend broke my heart. They told me to forgive my mother when I was upset with her. They taught me I am worthy to be loved. They taught me to love God and most importantly, love myself. Every song, every melody, every precious note that hit my hear was inspiring my soul.
They replanted the seed of self-worth that has been slowly picked out by heartbreak and betrayal. They taught me how I deserved to be treated as a woman and a mother by my future spouse. I developed a sense of love, hope, and happiness. They helped me daydream of moments that inspire me today to be a good woman, wife, and mother. I wanted to be loved, but I wanted to love deeply and unconditionally. They inspired the hopeless romantic poet you see before you. They taught me how to be expressive. Oddly, they taught me how to love and how to be loved. They taught me my first lesson of developing healthy habits to control my emotions.
I was able to use poetry as an outlet. This later grew into a hunger for learning as much as I can so I can write as much I can. And now I am a blogger. I’ve been writing since I could remember, but it was Boyz II Men (and the love of Jesus) that ignited a passion for what I wanted to write about. A flood of emotions began pouring out like a wild but tamed storm Each time my pencil would mark my notepad. I felt a star being born (a literal star, not “I’m going to be a star” star).
Just now, while typing another blog about (well, I’ll let it be a surprise), a sweet angelic voice came out of my laptop speakers singing
She was like nothing I’d ever known
Her eyes shine like diamonds in a field of snow
The way destiny led her to me
Made me feel like life was now complete
-Boyz II Men, Pass You By
I had to stop what I was doing to share this moment. When Wanye began singing his heart out from my Youtube app, I was immediately reminded of the amount of self-worth and pride I developed. I was reminded of a happier time in society, where self-esteem was not an issue because there were men in this world who knew the value of a woman, a good woman. That woman aren’t b***ches and h**s, but are beautiful creatures gracing the earth with our knowledge and love.
So, ok, you’re saying, “Ashley, get to the point! Why did you to completely stop what you’re doing to share this moment with us?” Or maybe you’re saying, “Ashley, get to the point! This post is taking way too long to read.” Either way, I wanted to completely stop what I was doing to tell you that you are loved. You deserve to be treated like the king/queen that you are. Live every moment of your life feeling every positive emotion that you can; happiness, joy, hope, serenity, kindness, gratitude. Remember the awesome things that make you, you.
You are awesome-sauce! I don’t care what your boss said. I don’t care what your mama said. I don’t care what your kid said. You are BEAUTIFUL! You are WONDERFUL! You are the perfect result of God’s creation and best believe He makes NO mistakes. Boyz II Men told me, now I’m telling you. Love deeply, love intensely, but most importantly, love yourself!
“I love the lord, he heard my cry.” Boyz II Men, Dear God
By the way, if you had noticed, my blog title has nothing to do with my post. I just couldn’t come up with a title and this was the first thing that popped into my head. Thanks for reading. Even all the way down here cause this is a long post. 🙂 Love you all!