motivation – Page 3 – Healing with Harotian

August 24, 2018August 24, 2018

Funny Friday: Three Brothers

Hey Friends,

Happy Friday! Please enjoy today’s Funny Friday joke brought to you by Sunny Skyz.com

I pray that you all are having a wonderful start to your weekend. Love you all and please remember to pray for one another.

Three Brothers Age 92, 94 And 96 Live Together

One night the 96-year-old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”

The 94-year old yells back, “I don’t know, I’ll come up and see.” He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells, “Was I going up the stairs or coming down?”

The 92-year-old was sitting at the kitchen table having coffee listening to his brothers. He shakes his head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.” He knocks on wood for good luck.

He then yells, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

August 21, 2018August 21, 2018

Do You Have High Self-Worth or High Self-Esteem?

Hello Friends,

Yesterday, I gave an example of how I struggle with self-worth (click HERE). Many people do not realize that there is a difference between self-worth and self-esteem. Self-esteem is how much you THINK you’re worth, while self-worth is what you are ACTUALLY worth.

The world will trick you into believing that self-esteem is more important than self-worth. Self-esteem is measured by what you have financially, economically, socially, and physically. While self-worth is measured by the fact that God sacrificed his only son so that we can be saved from eternal damnation.

Let’s go over the facts…

God created everything (Genesis 1)…

God created man to rule over all creatures of the earth (Genesis 1:26)

God provides food and water for all plants and animals on earth (Psalm 147:8-9) We see proof of this everytime we walk outside and hear birds chirping, leaves blowing in the wind, grass sprouting in our front yards, and sunrise/sunsets.

If he loves even the smallest creatures enough to provide food for them to survive, then can you imagine how much he loves the creatures that he put in charge of said small plants and animals? He even loves those ugly bugs that you see in the seal of your window during the summer months.

It shouldn’t matter what others think of us because the world has a bad habit of lowering our self-esteem in order to make itself feel better. For some reason, people only feel better about themselves when others feel worse about themselves. It’s a paradox that has us stuck in a cruel cycle.

Here are ways that you can FIND YOUR SELF WORTH

Know your strengths and weakness
- Related Post: Weakness Is Strength
- What comes easily to you?
- What would you like to do?
Become more aware of yourself
- remove distractions
- stop comparing yourself to other people
- try to face the hard truths about yourself
Be courageous
- Related Post: Why You Should Believe You’ll Be Just Fine
- face your fears
- be honest about your likes/dislikes
- find what motivates you/discourages you
Learn and reflect on your past and present mistakes to make a better future
- understand that self-awareness is a lifelong journey
- ask yourself-
- - What happened?
- - What could I have done better?
- - Where did I go wrong?
- - Where did I go right?
- - What I can do better next time?
Try new things
- embrace the word “yes”
- go outside of your comfort zone

Find the oppurtunities that exist. Create the ones that don’t

Use all of your available resources
- internet
- textbooks
Improve yourself by investing in yourself
- Related Post: Unapologetically Living Life
Think, Reflect, Accept, Action
Ask yourself- What’s affecting your awareness of self-worth?
Avoid negative thoughts
- Related Post: Journey to Forgiving Yourself
- Retrain your thoughts
- See yourself as God sees you
Connect with other positive people
- Related Post: How I Got Rid of Toxic People In My Life
- join a small or large group
Create attainable goals:
- Related Post: Steps to Manifesting Your Goals
- Check them off one by one
- It doesn’t matter how big of a step you take, as long as it’s in the right direction

Thank you all for reading my thoughts. I pray that each and every one of you allow God to show you His awesome love so you can know that you are more than worthy of it. Please remember to pray for one another and I pray that you are having a wonderful start to your Tuesday.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. -Psalm 139:14

**pictures belong to google**

August 20, 2018August 18, 2018

Questioing Self-Worth

It wasn’t until recently I noticed that I thought I was undeserving of nice things. An opportunity came up where my family and I was offered to sublease a really nice condo from a fellow church member. Her home was really, really nice. It is a lot nicer than my current home and in a way better neighborhood.

After viewing her home, anxiety set it. It was heavy anxiety. The kind that kept me up at night. I couldn’t put my finger on why I felt so uncomfortable. I loved her home. I loved the space, the funky wallpaper, the furniture, the animals, even the backyard. I loved the neighborhood, the school district for my children, and even the private parking space.

So, why did I feel uncomfortable? When I walked into my apartment after viewing hers, I looked around to see the broken light fixture that apartment management has taken weeks to come by and fix. I look at the broken screen door leading out to the patio and the small cluttered space that has my family basically living on top of each other.

I was confused. The opportunity to sublease her nice home compared to staying in my broken down apartment should have made me happy. So why wasn’t I?

Then I became conscious of a recurring thought that I’ve been having for most of my life, subsequently, I was never aware of it. It was a lightbulb moment. I was thinking why would someone like me deserve a nice home like that?

When I became aware of this thought, I was genuinely shocked. Why wouldn’t I be deserving of a nice home? I mean, of course, I am, right? I immediately asked myself, what kind of person thinks like this? Then the answer quickly came to me. The kind of person who has done so much wrong, they feel like they can never be redeemed. The kind of person who feels like they are deserving of every bad thing that happens in their life because of shameful acts from the past. The kind of person who doesn’t believe that their sins died on the cross with Jesus.

Wow! What a wake-up call. There are so many negative feelings that I continue to work through on a daily basis. It’s crazy how thoughts and emotions have been embedded into our psyche that has the ability to prevent is from accepting God’s blessings in our lives.

I’m being reminded on a daily basis that feelings of shame, guilt, and regret have to be fought continuously. One day I’ll feel forgiven and the next day, I’ll feel unworthy of all things good in life. Sometimes I even look at my children and wonder how they can love someone like me.

The way I see it, I am grateful that I am now aware of these feelings. Now I can be proactive about retraining my mind and thoughts to know that I am worthy of a nice home and other things that God wants to bless me with.

Thank you all for reading my thoughts. I pray that you guys see that how wonderful you are and that you too are worthy of Gods awesome blessings. Please remember to pray for one another.

“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.” -August Wilson

August 15, 2018

The Depth of Relating

Good Day Friends,

I pray everyone is having a wonderful morning. This morning I woke up feeling a mixture of sad and angry. Not sure why, but I refuse to allow those feelings to control my day and how I interact with my loved ones. So, after I sent the kids off to school, I cleaned my house and spent time with Jesus.

He always provides perfect calming methods when things seem like a struggle. This is the best part of having a relationship with Christ. He understands me. He accepts me. During the up and downs, he is always there to comfort me.

This makes me think about personal relationships that we have with each other on earth. There are not that many people willing to go through life’s devastations with you like Jesus does.

There are so many people who want to be in a relationship, but not willing to evolve when the relationship evolves.

Everyone in life will go through a devastation; loss of a loved one, financial hardships, mental or physical illness, etc. It confuses me when people say they want to be in a relationship when they put limitations on what kind of love they accept and receive.

It is my belief that once we understand Gods love, then and only then, will we be able to understand the kind of love we should show others. It’s my personal opinion that ONE of the reasons why God allow people to be single because they haven’t figured out how to love others the way God loves them. And the only way to love others the way God loves us is to allow God to replace your heart with his own.

That means forgiving when you don’t want to forgive. That means loving when you don’t want to love. That means being patient and kind when you don’t want to do that neither. That means being faithful when that person hasn’t been faithful to you. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

He promises that when we display this kind of love, we will be blessed. (Deuteronomy 7:9)

When I’m mad at God, He doesn’t get mad at me back. When I turned my back on Him, He continued to seek me and call out to me. He knows my worth even when I question it on a daily basis. THAT IS LOVE! And that is the love that He wants us to show towards each other.

Jesus is the perfect companion. If you don’t know how to love the only perfect man that walked this earth, then you certainly don’t know how to love an imperfect, broken man or woman of this earth, right?

I have a wonderful husband, but he isn’t perfect. He has made mistakes. Over time, I’ve been able to love him as God loves him, and not put my Expectations of love on him. Every day, I chose to love the man that I’ve woken up to. Sometimes, that’s a different person than yesterday (an example of evolving). It has strengthened our marriage in a way that we could have never done on our own.

For me, staying in God’s word is so important. It is a daily reminder of his love and how I should love. My relationship with Jesus is the driving force behind how I raise my family and interactions with my loved ones.

Thank you, Jesus, for your sacrifice because my life is truly better with you on my side. Thank you all for reading my thoughts. Have a wonderful, blessed day everyone. Love you and remember, please pray for one another.

Whew! I feel better than I did before I started blogging. Thank you, Jesus.

Three things will last forever-faith, hope, and love-and the greatest of these is love. -1 Corinthians 13:13

July 18, 2018August 30, 2018

Lord of Restoration

Hey Friends,

“They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest.” -Psalm 126:6

I think that this is another verse that we can lean on when we are opening up those old wounds in order to heal and move past our shame. Knowing there is “light at the end of the tunnel” and that we are going to come out no only healed, but “filled with laughter and (sing) for joy” (Psalm 126:2).

Our Abba Father is the God is restoration, not destruction. So, when are faced with situations that we have to revisit, know that God is with us the entire way.

As I’ve discussed in Expectations and July Monthly Theme: Emotionally Healing, I’ve been forced to deal with old wounds of rejection and abandonment from my past. They are definitely getting in the way of current relationships in life, including my marriage and co-parenting with my ex-husband. I know that those wounds have been opened so I can heal from them; so God can make some major opportunities happen for me.

I love spring cleaning. Well, I love how I feel after I am done spring cleaning, but during the process it absolutely sucks. To be honest, I hate getting into the nooks and cranny’s, making sure I get all of the dirt and dust that pilled has up before from the past months. Climbing on ladders, lifting furniture, moving heavy furniture it needless to say a hassle. I have to remind myself during the process that’ll it all be worth it once the cleaning over.

God is doing major spring cleaning in my life right now. I think he is doing that for everyone. We just have to be patient and trust him. I know once he is done spring cleaning during this season of my life it would be so worth it. I know that He will provide my true heart’s desire (Psalm 37:4) and his will for my life (Jeremiah 29:11).

God has wonderful plans for all of our lives. He loves us so much. He takes delight in making us happy, as any great father would for their children. (Psalm 149:4)

Take this time to allow God to spring clean your life. It may hurt. It may be uncomfortable. But remember, anything worth having comes with a price. If it were easy, everyone would do it.

Think of our ancestors. I’m sure Abraham was uncomfortable when he moved to a completely different area. I’m sure David was uncomfortable when he fought Goliath after the Israelite Army couldn’t. I’m sure Elijah was uncomfortable living with a woman who didn’t know, nor had little faith. And I know Noah was uncomfortable being a boat with all of those animals…what about Sarah, Moses, Samson, Peter, John, and most of all Jesus. I’m sure our brother was very uncomfortable being beaten, whipped, and hung from a cross for six hours in the hot sun.

Allow our Father to restore you, fill you, and love you.

Thank you for reading my thoughts. I pray you all to embrace the love of Jesus so God can move mountains in your life. I love you all. Please remember to pray for one another. Allow the Holy Spirit to direct you and comfort you during your spring cleaning.

July 17, 2018July 17, 2018

July Monthly Theme: Emotionally Healing

Hey Friends,

The past few days have been filled with much needed up’s and downs. The ups are always wanted and appreciated, but down days are filled with learning and worship. Does that make sense? I know it may sound crazy, but I’ve learned to take my bad days as learning experiences from God. Like little pop quizzes from what I have learned from good days.

Instead of allowing my mind to be filled with doubt and despair, I’ve learned to rely on the strength of the Lord to get me through. It doesn’t feel like the end of the world anymore. Better yet, it feels like God is giving me more time to correct my life so I can become who he needs me to be for his glory and kingdom.

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My down days have forced me to deal with bitterness that I didn’t know I was harboring. I thought I was over it until my ex-husband decided to make a decision that would not only change the lives of our lovely children but everyone in our family. My ex-husband decided to move to another state despite how it would affect our children. Needless to say, I was angry. Mostly because I knew the pain that my children would feel since I experienced the same abandonment and rejection by my own father.

Right after the move, I concentrated on making sure my children felt loved more than ever. I initially ignored my feelings so I can concentrate on theirs. I felt as though I was over it as the days and months went by because of the feeling of “I want to rip his head off” became less and less. But then, he would say something rude or selfish and those “I hate you” feelings would come rushing back.

Unbeknownst to me, I was becoming bitter. Or maybe I was already bitter and didn’t know how fast it was growing inside of me from the moment I heard “I’m moving!” Recently, I began reading this book called Chaos Beneath The Shade: How To Uproot And Stay Free From Bitterness written by Tracey Bickle. It shined a light on how I truly felt and what I need to do to get over my feelings. I don’t want to “hate” the father of my two oldest children. I most definitely don’t want how I feel to spew out onto them. That would break my heart even more.

So, I’ve come to the realization that I need to heal from the situation. I’m not the first woman to be left to raise her children without the father and unfortunately, I won’t be the last. Plus, I have a wonderful husband who has gladly stepped in to pick up what my ex-husband has left behind. So, first I began to pray, Lord, please heal my heart. Please remove this hatred stirring inside of me. That wasn’t enough though and Tracey Bickle let me know why.

How to Begin to Heal Emotionally

Pray for the person that has wronged you. At first, I didn’t like this idea, but there are a couple of reasons why praying for the person that has hurt is effective:
- Forgiveness breaks the cycle- So my children won’t be affected
- When you consistently pray for them, your heart will begin to heal itself
- Jesus said so…But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! -Matthew 5:44
- Why did Jesus say so? Because “If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much.” Matthew 5:46
- “[Forgiveness] softens our heart to see the temporary nature of the conflict.” -Tracey Bickle
Going through the process of forgiveness is helping you trust God and because you are being obedient, He will bless you. He will then hold the person who offended you accountable for their own actions. “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;” -Luke 6:37
Talk it out. Seek counseling or talk to someone who you trust that would be able to help you look at the bigger picture. We need those who can see what we don’t and with compassion, tenderness, and kindness, they can help us walk through it.
Let it go. It was hard for me to let go because I felt like he is “getting away with” abandoning his responsibilities, while he’s living his best life; doing as he pleases when he pleases. But I have to trust that God will hold him accountable for the real reason that he left. “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” -1 Timothy 5:8

Simply put, this is not my fight, nor my worry anymore. I love my children more than anything! I will do anything for them to have great lives. And if that means letting go of the bitterness that I hold against their father, then I HAVE to do that. Plus, bitterness causes illness and I’m already sick enough, so this is my declaration that I am letting it go.

Thank you all for reading my thoughts. I pray that if you are holding onto any bitterness from someone that has hurt you, that you are able to hand it over to God so you can begin to heal. I love you all. Please remember to pray for one another.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. -Ephesians 4:32

**Pictures borrowed from google pics*

July 15, 2018July 11, 2018

Expectations

Happy Sunday, Friends!

A friend of mines, husband, posted a comment saying Jesus followers were stupid for believing “someone rose from the dead to save lives”. At first, I was offended. I didn’t understand why he would post something like that knowing he had “friends” that were believers.

My first thought was that as a friend, I respected his choices not to believe, so he should respect my choice to believe.

God brought it to my attention that I was being selfish and unreasonable. I know right, how am I being selfish if he offended me? Well, I selfishly projected my expectations onto him. I expected him to respect my life choices as I respected his. I got upset because I expected more than what he is able to give. So, who’s really responsible for my hurt feelings? ME!

It’s not right to expect someone to behave in a manner I thought was appropriate. I then began to understand, that instead of being upset with him, I should pray for him.

Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. (Luke 6:27-28)

I would ask, how or why would I bless him if he is judging me for my faith. Then I had I ask myself, who am I to judge. Wasn’t I once the same person who judged others for their faith? It is then I realized that it is God job to hold him accountable, not me. Just like, God held me accountable for my transgressions, no one else.

He has his opinion because he’s never felt the warmth of Jesus’ presence. The love and grace He gives you when you cry out his name in either pain or praise. It’s hard to believe that someone who has experienced his mercy would say such a thing.

So I began praying that my friends’ husband feels that kind of love. That good ole’ tears are flowing, heart is open, Holy Spirit is flowing, kind of love.

It’s taken me a while to get to this point. I am a believer because He was the only one that showed up and to pull me out of the pit of death. For me, believing in God is not a choice that I have, other than death. I’ve tried the worlds way of dealing with my illness and it almost killed me. Jesus is the only antidote to my sickness. That has been proven over and over again. So if that makes me stupid, then…🤷🏽‍♀️ It is what it is.

That being said, if you’ve run into someone that doesn’t share the same love of Christ as you do, don’t be upset. Please understand through a heavenly perspectively, that they don’t know what they are saying. Pray for them, so they can too, one day feel that good ole’ Jesus love and join us in heaven.

July 13, 2018July 11, 2018

Funny Friday: Don’t Make Me Get My Belt

Good Day, Friends!

Welcome to Funny Friday!

Today, I would like to share a video that I’m sure most us can relate to. If not, please enjoy a great laugh, while the rest of us have flash backs of when our moms used these infamous one-liners!

Have a wonderful, blessed Friday. Please remember to pray for one another. Love you all!

July 12, 2018July 11, 2018

Liebster Award

Thank you so much to Englepip Blog for nominating me for the another Liebster Award. This is way overdue because I was originally nominated back in March, but I really appreciate when you guys take the time to nominate me. Thank you, thank you, thank you for thinking of me. I am always truly honored when you guys pick me out of millions of others bloggers. So, again, thank you!

Please check out my friend’s blog, Englepip Blog, to check out their wonderful content; poems, pictures, and short stories.

So, let’s get this party started! Since I chose to accept the Liebster Award nomination, the rules are simple:

♥Acknowledge the blog who nominated you.
♥Answer the 11 questions your nominator asked.
♥Nominate 11 other bloggers.
♥Ask them 11 questions.
♥Let them know you have nominated them.

Questions from Englepip Blog

1. When and why did you start your blog?

I officially started my blog in March 2017 because I love to write, but then throughout my recovery, it has developed into something so much more.

2. Who has most influenced your life choices?

Definitely the Holy Trinity; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit

3. Where have you spent most of your life and what is good/ bad about living there?

I’ve spent most of my time in my town, St. Louis, Missouri. The worst thing about living here is the violence. The best thing about living here is the history.

4.What is your favourite food and what makes it so special for you?

My favorite food is pancakes only because they are extremely delicious.

5. If you could do something for the world what would it be?

Save it

6. What is your favourite film and who did you see it with?

My favorite movie with Nightmare Before Christmas and I dont remember who I first saw it with. I believe it was by myself.

7.What would be your favourite holiday?

My favorite holiday is definitely Christmas

8. If you could have your life again what is one thing you might you do differently?

Nothing. Ever thing has happened the way it was suppose to happen. I wouldn’t want to risk a “Butterfly Effect”

9. If you could meet anyone from the present or from history, who would it be and why?

Jesus

10.How much time a week do you reckon you spend using the internet? (Include time spent using internet at work, please.)

I maybe spend about 2 hours a day on the internet

11. If you had three things to do or achieve, on a bucket list, what would they be and why?

Not sure.

Thank you again so much for the nomination and I apologize for taking so long. If you are new to my blog, then I will tell you that I like to nominate all of my followers. Everyone who takes the time to share their knowledge, facts, and/or opinions with the world are worthy of a nomination.

Love you all so much! I pray you all are having a wonderful day.

July 9, 2018July 9, 2018

Monday Inspiration: Warriors NOT Worriers

Happy Monday Friends,

It’s been a little bit since my last post, Healing: July Monthly Theme. I had to take a little time to concentrate on my mental, which was much needed. I’ve started attending counseling sessions and I can say that it’s going really well so far.

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I want to remind you that God did not create us to be stressed and worried all of the time. He wants us to trust that he will provide all of our needs today, tomorrow, and every day afterwards (Matthew 6:33-34).

When stressful times come, when the enemy seems ruthless while attacking you from every direction, remember

ARM YOURSELF WITH (Ephesians 6:10-18)

The belt of truth
Breastplate of righteousness
Shoes of the gospel
Helmet of salvation
Shield of faith
Sword of the spirit

Throughout the day, speak the words of God, the Good News of the gospel, and share your testimony. The more we speak the words of God, the more we defeat the enemy. It’s easy to speak the words of the enemy. It is in our sinful nature. Do what it right, not what it easy.

As I type these words to you, I am reminding myself as well. Lately, I’ve been faced with the reality that bitterness is no longer hiding like roots in the ground, but being released in the fruit that I bear.

This is what the enemy wants and I cannot allow it. No one likes to admit that they are bitter. At first, I didn’t want to admit it neither, but you can’t fix what you are not unaware of and what you choose to ignore.

So as I face the day, I shall wear the full armor of God, speak His truths, and relinquish my bitterness piece by peice:

Praying for those who have hurt me
Reading and listening to Gods words
Bringing light into the darkness, bringing hope to the hopeless, and bring love where it is needed.

I pray that each and everyone of you have wonderful day. May God continue to bless your lives with every breath.

Peace. Love. Happiness in Jesus.

July 2, 2018July 2, 2018

Healing: July Monthly Theme

Good Day Friends,

So, this month I want to concentrate on healing, the various of forms of healing and what we need healing from. Some of us need physical healing, while others need spiritual, emotional, and even metaphysical healing.

Stress is the number one factor of so many illness, including autoimmune disorders, such as Lupus. You have books, seminars, blog post, etc. on different ways to lower stress. I truly believe that most of our stress comes from pain whether physical or mental that is currently affecting our lives or pain from our past.

For me, a lot of my stress comes from my mental and physical health status. The more sick I am, the more stressed I become. It can become a vicious cycle.

Experts suggest everything from exercise to eating healthier foods as ways to lower stress, which is great! But for me, I would like to explore more of a biblical answer including the other suggestions on ways to heal, thus lowering stress.

So this month, while I study Gods words on the matter, I will be sharing my findings and what God will reveal to me.

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In the book of Exodus Chapter 15, when Moses led God’s people away from the Red Sea, they moved into the desert of Shur (v.22). God’s people were complaining and angry because they had gone three days without water and when they finally came across water, it was too bitter to drink. Moses was like, “God, what are going to drink?” So, God was like, “Chill, I got you. Take this piece of wood and throw it into the water and you’ll be able to drink the water.”

Moses did it and BAM! It worked! The water was consumable. Can you imagine? I would have felt pretty foolish. God was faithful to them the entire time, and they still questioned him.

Anyway, afterwards, God said, “If you will listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in his sight, obeying his commands and keeping all his decrees, then I will not make you suffer any of the diseases I sent on the Egyptians; for I am the Lord who heals you.” (emphasizes added)

God used this opportunity to prove to his people that they should trust him. It’s just like us, isn’t it? God can show us over and over again that we can trust him and as soon as we get jammed up, we’re screaming, “God, what are we going to do? How will get healed? When will I get healed?” or my favorite “Will I ever get healed?” I’m good for that one. Yet, he proves over and over that he is not a healer, but THE HEALER.

When we need healing, sometimes all we have to do is

SURRENDER. PRAY. TRUST. BE STILL.

Let him be God and do his thing.

Thank you for reading my thoughts. I pray each and every one of you are having a wonderful start to your week. I pray that God heals you in whatever area in your life that needs it. God bless you all. Peace. Love. Happiness in Jesus.

Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the Earth. He never grows weak and weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. -Isaiah 40:28-29

July 1, 2018June 30, 2018

Need Healing?

Good Morning Friends,

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was a person who would take all of our pain away? It would be so awesome if this same person promised that they would do so no matter what the pain is or even how the pain occurred?

Every time we look up, there is some kind of tragedy happening in the world. It’s hard to manage our own lives, let alone the lives of other people who we may feel so connected to. When we hear about a tragedy, most of us can feel the pain of the person that it happened to. For instance, as a mother, I feel the heartache of what it would be like to lose a child. It makes me nervous to think that it could happen to my children.

No wonder most of us are walking around a nervous wreck; taking this pill and that pill just to numb the anxiety that we feel every day and night.

The great thing is that we have someone who promises that they will take that pain away. They also promise that no matter what the pain is or how the pain occurred, that they will provide comfort and healing to get us through the heartbreak of such tragedy.

He [God] heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. -Psalms 147:3

The Lord is close to all who call on him, yes, to all who call on him in truth. He grants the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cries for help and rescues them. -Psalm 145:18-19

God specializes in the business of healing the brokenhearted, which is great, because we live in such a broken world. He has so much compassion for those who are oppressed by suffering and are crushed in spirit. He binds up our emotional wounds.

Do you need healing? He not only heals the body, but mind and spirit. The Lord’s power to heal to absolute and continuous. When you ask, the very life of Jesus through the Holy Spirit will flow into your heart and make it new.

We must remember that God’s power to rescue his people is in his own timing. We may never understand why, but scripture says

His power is absolute! His understanding is beyond comprehension! -Psalm 147:5

Abba Father saves us from evil more times than we know. So when tragedy happens, we have to find comfort in Jesus and trust in the plan that he has for our life. Easier said than done, right? Right now, sometimes it’s hard for me to accept, but at the same time, I find comfort in knowing that one moment or tragedy doesn’t define who I am and what I mean to him.

While asking for healing for whatever reason, remember as Moses sang as his took God’s people from Pharaoh to The Promised Land, “The Lord is my strength and my song; he has given me victory.” -Exodus 15:2

June 19, 2018

Not Just Staying Alive

Hello Friends,

Thank you to everyone who has left kind, encouraging words under my blogs. Like I’ve said before, there are not enough words in the universe to express my gratitude. Your words help my flame flicker when I feel it is about to go out.

This week was a hard week, but God showed his mercy and love the entire way through. I recognize that I am more blessed than most. I have supportive family members who understand my illness and try to help the best way they can.

I have a church family that I can call to gain spiritual counsel when I am feeling weary and mad at God, and I have you guys who inspire me to continue to write. It’s a miracle if I’ve ever seen one.

It is truly my faith in God that keeps me grounded. This week my faith was tested. A few days ago, I found myself screaming at God, “What more do you want from me!” as I felt abandoned. I had faith that he would provide, but I was frustrated not knowing when he would while other hardships kept piling up; more and more things kept happening, pushing me to become more discouraged every second of every day. It was to the point where all I could pray was, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus” because I didn’t know what else to say.

A lot of people have their opinion about taking medication for mental disorders. Some people believe say it is all in your head while others think that my depression is situational or circumstantial. I’m here to tell you it is not. I have been manic when things were perfect in my life. I have been 100% well when things have been falling apart. One thing that I have learned mistake, after mistake, after mistake, is that for me, having Bipolar Disorder I and Manic Depression has to managed with medication. It has to be.

My faith in Jesus is 1/3 of my treatment, medication is 1/3, and Christian counseling is the other 1/3.

I now see that bad things are going to happen in our lives, whether you are a Christian or not. God makes that perfectly clear in his word. When sin came, so did our desires for sin, sin against ourselves and sin against other people. It’s human nature. And the Lord knows that I have sinned a lot! Everything that I do is centered around The Holy Trinity because it is the only way for me to live this life with the shame, guilt, and disappointment that Jesus says he died to take from me.

If that had been necessary, Christ would have had to die again and again, ever since the world began. But now, once for all time, he has appeared at the end of the age to remove sin by his own death as a sacrifice. -Hebrews 9:26 nlt

Otherwise, shame and guilt would consume me. I’ve done some jacked up stuff guys! Like, realllll jacked up! But knowing that he bore that shame for me at the cross gives me the courage to live my life with him walking alongside me because I have my children looking up to me; copying my every move, watching all of my decision, counting on me to provide for them and educate them.

I recently read a quote that says

Christ is not a resevoir but a spring. His life is continual, active and ever passing on with an outflow as necessary as its inflow. If we do not perpetually draw the fresh supply from the living Fountain, we shall either grow stangant or empty. It is, therefore, not so much a perpetual fullness as a perpetual filling/ -A.B. Simpson

Taking medication every day to ensure my mind has the correct chemical balance, and regularly going to each of my doctors and counseling appointments, I have to stay connected to Jesus. He is my lifeline. Otherwise, I would have ended my life a long time ago.

At one time, I felt so much shame as a mother, I thought of leaving them in the care of my family members would be better for them. But that was the enemy talking and that was before I knew how to give my shame to Jesus. It is still a daily battle, but with the Full Armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-20), I will be called home by Jesus and not by my own hands.

Please love one another as God loves you. Pray for another as the Holy Spirit prays for you. And help one another as Jesus helps you. I love you all. Please stay safe out here. It doesn’t matter what part of the country you are in, there is always someone suffering. Stay blessed, family.

*all images from google pics*

June 6, 2018June 6, 2018

Being Eeyore At A Tigger Party

Hello Friends,

If you are unfamiliar, Eeyore is a character in the Winnie-the-Pooh books by A. A. Milne. He is well known for his gloomy, depressed personality. Truthfully speaking, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized why Eeyore was my favorite character out of all the others. I could relate. No matter what was going on, he was sad. The difference between Eeyore and I was that I felt the need to mask my sadness, even as a child.

I remember being told a few times throughout my life that “no one wanted to be around someone who was sad all of the time.” This forced me to put on such “mask” because I didn’t want to be shunned by society. Honestly, I love people. I love the energy that people provide, I love their smiles, I love helping them when they are in need, I love humanity as a whole. So, I did what I had to do to be a part of society. I hid. Hiding created anxiety because I didn’t want to be discovered. I didn’t want anyone; family, friends, co-workers, God…to see my sadness. I needed everyone to know I was ok, like everyone else. But let me tell you, once you suppress something long enough, it would eventually bubble to the surface. Trust me.

Recently, I’ve been faced with social anxiety. My sadness has reared it’s ugly head and I can no longer contain it with my own strength (if you guys haven’t been able to notice), thus causing extreme anxiety. Sadness is not something I can’t control, nor is it something that I voluntarily chose to have (like some would like to think). This is why it is called a “mental illness”.

My church started offering a social event called, Parents Connect. It’s a night where parents come together once a month, without their children, and socialize. I tried to attend the first event. I drove the twelve minutes to get there, grabbed my purse, stepped out of my car, checked the rearview mirror to see if I had anything on my face, walked to the door, and looked through the window like a creep. I suddenly felt the need to turn around and run (which I did, well more of a fast paced walked). My palms became sweaty, I began to shake and tremble. It was horrible. It was the beginning of a full-blown anxiety attack. I saw all of those parents who were well dressed, smiling, laughing, enjoying themselves. Honestly, I just felt like I wouldn’t fit in. So, I ran. Sat in my car for the next hour reading a book…in the church parking lot because I was too ashamed to come home and tell my husband that I couldn’t handle it.

How did Eeyore do it? How was he so sad all of the time, yet was able to have fun with Tigger and the rest of his friends during social events? If you are unfamiliar with Tigger, he is also a character in Winnie-the-Pooh. His personality was very exuberant, friendly, and energetic. The complete opposite of Eeyore. I believe the reason why Eeyore was able to be sad but still have friends was that he didn’t put on a mask. He didn’t have to suppress his sadness because that’s just who he was. He accepted it and his friends did too.

Which brings me to my next point, anxiety just isn’t anxiety. Anxiety is the result of a deeper, rooted issue. For me, my rooted issue is fear. Fear of being discovered. Fear of judgement. Fear of rejection. When I saw the other parents living it up like it was 1999, I was afraid. I was afraid that I would walk in like Eeyore at a Tigger party, except they would judge me or treat me like a leaper because “no one likes to be around a person who is sad all of the time.” So I ran and spent time with the only person I knew wouldn’t judge me; Jesus. If you thought I was going to say myself, that would have been a whole lie because I judge myself all of the time.

I’ve been feeling really anxious lately, but then God revealed to me it is due to fear. Once I thought about it, I couldn’t help but agree. I am truly afraid. I’m afraid all of the time. I’m afraid for my children’s future. I’m afraid of what people may say about my appearance or health. I’m afraid of certain family members and their judgement. I’m afraid of the choices I’ve made and the result of them. I’m afraid that I may never get better. Any of this sound familiar? If not, it wouldn’t surprise me that I’m the only crazy worrying about this kind of nonsense because let’s be honest, who cares what people think? Or better yet, why do I care? Because I’ve always cared. It’s been a driving factor in my life to do well and be in the “elite class” of humanity. And when I fall short, I am judged, thus creating fear. I wish I wasn’t like this. I pray every day for the Lord to take it away, but then if I don’t have it, will I still have the passion that I have for humanity as a whole? Ok, I think I’m going down a rabbit hole with this one.

Louie Giglio, a pastor at Passion City Church, wrote, “The antidote to fear is faith, and the soundtrack of faith is worship.” When we are feeling fearful or anxious, this is the time to draw closer to God.

We must remind ourselves that he is able by refocusing on him and his plan for our lives. Did you know that in the Bible, God tells us to “fear not” 366 times? That’s every day of the year including leap year. Fear and anxiety is not something we are supposed to carry.

It is easy to say, I will not let fear reign over me when it feels like my chest has an elephant sitting on it. I have to remind myself that God says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

I know his plans for me aren’t to walk around in fear, that’s what Satan wants. He is not of God of fear, but a God of mercy and righteousness. His gift of grace does not include fear, anxiety, depression, addiction, anger, hopelessness, rejection, nor judgment. Those are the enemies tricks and lies.

But now God has shown us a way to be made right with him without keeping the requirements of the law, as was promised in the writings of Moses^[a] and the prophets long ago. ²²We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are.

²³For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.²⁴Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. -Romans 3:21-24

Next time you feel anxious about anything, I recommend you to do two things: (1.) Find the root of the anxiety so whatever fruit you bear will be free of it (2.) Draw nearer to Jesus because he bore that fear and punishment for you on the cross. Give it to God!

Remember, as I stated Prayer Is The Best Medicine. Pray for yourself, pray for others, pray for those in need, which is everyone! We all need Jesus. I love you all and have a wonderful day.

June 5, 2018June 5, 2018

Seeking God Part 5: Shame

Hey Friends,

Remember when I said I Suck At Maintaining Friendships, well I also meant online relationships as well. I apologize if many of you feel as though I don’t reciprocate the same love on your blogs as you do mine. I blog to release my feelings and share God’s words. So I apologize and will try to work on it. I truly love you all and are very proud of each and every one of you for doing what you love to do day in and day out.

Now that is out of the way, I want to share what happened to me tonight. Right now, I am currently reading a book by Christine Caine titled Unashamed. This is such a great read, especially if you are like me who has been carrying around the burden of shame since adolescent years.

While reading, it kind of ties into what happened tonight. So, as I was getting ready to head out to one of my classes at church, I looked for what seemed like an eternity for a shirt that didn’t show how skinny I am (current shame); anything too baggy or too tight would reveal an alarming skeleton frame. But, Eureka! I found a white shirt that I felt fit perfectly.

I get to my class, sit down next to my classmates, pull out my bible and notebook, look down only to see two large orange stains on the front of my shirt. Those stains led my eyes to a large brown stain on the left side of my shirt. My first thought was, “what the hell! This shirt was clean when I left the house 15 minutes ago.” After further inspection, it seems as though the stains were “sat-in” stains…meaning, even though I had washed it, those stains weren’t going anywhere.

Needless to say, I was embarrassed. I began to think about what other people would say to themselves when they noticed the stains. Would they think…“Oh, she’s dirty? She’s nasty? Why would she leave her house with a dirty shirt on?”

I would have never left the house in a shirt with stains all over it, for this exact reason…shame. Then I realized the lighting in my room and the lighting in my class are completely different. The lighting in my room made the shirt look nice, white, and clean. But the lighting in our classroom made my shirt look dingy with stains.

This made me think about my relationship with God. Before I began my journey, I felt like my life was nice, white, and clean. But then the more I sought God and the closer I became, the more He began to reveal that my life was just the opposite; gross, dingy, and stained. But he did this out of love to show me that the only way to “change my shirt” was through him.

Sitting in class, as embarrassed as I was, I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to hear what God had to say to me. Since this week has been emotionally tough, I needed to hear hope. But God didn’t speak to me during this class…or at least I didn’t listen to what he had to say. The chatter in my head about the stain on my shirt (and other nonsense I have no control over) was too loud for me to hear anything God had to say to me. So he chose to speak to me through Christine Caine.

The more we draw closer to God, the more God shines a light on our shortcomings… it may make us feel ashamed, embarrassed, just as Adam and Eve did when they ate the fruit from the forbidden tree. “At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.” Genesis 3:7).

When God shines his light on our shortcomings, it’s not to shame us, it’s to draw us closer to him. We were created to feel no shame. We were created in his image, his likeness (Genesis 1:27-28). Is God ashamed of us? No, quite the opposite. He made us “reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.” (Genesis 1:28).

As yourself, you would give that kind of authority to someone you were ashamed of? Would you kill your only Son for people you were ashamed of?

That is what’s so amazing about his love. God forgave Adam and Eve, even though they didn’t listen to the one and only rule he had given them; “But the Lord God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden— ¹⁷except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.” Genesis 2:16-17.

God still gave up the most precious gift he had, Jesus, so we didn’t have to feel shame, or guilt, or regret, or hate, or anxiety. He gave us his word as a guide and his promises that through him, we will see better days. Remember folks, the enemy has already been defeated on the cross…that battle has been won, through Jesus name. But I was told that even if you’ve cut the head off of a rattlesnake, his venom can still harm, or even kill you. Meaning, even though Satan was defeated on the cross, his “minions” are still working hard to turn you away from Jesus and shame has become one of best tactics.

When you walk into the brighter light and see of all of the stains in your life, don’t turn away from it. Don’t turn off of the light, but embrace it. God will tackle all of those stains one by one. Turn to Jesus when Satan throws another stain on your shirt because he is the only one that can get the stain out.

Love you all. Have a wonderful day. Please pray for Guatemala, each other, and anyone else you know who is suffering. The enemy is busy, but God is almighty. Blessed be, family.

“Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you…” Isaiah 54:4