life – Page 2 – Healing with Harotian

January 4, 2019

Funny Friday

Hey Friends!

I’m so glad to be back. Writing is the source of my calm. Even if I wanted to stop ✋, I couldn’t! It’s my life’s passion. It’s like breathing for me. Do you have a passion like that? Do you find yourself missing something that used to be your “calm”?💆🏽‍♀️ Make sure you make it a priority to get back to doing whatever made your heart flutter. 💕We all need a healthy escape from life sometimes. 😉

Anyway, welcome back to Funny Friday! I pray that you all have a wonderful weekend filled with many blessings and Gods endless grace and love. Please remember to pray for one another and don’t forget to laugh! 🤗

A BUS FULL OF UGLY PEOPLE

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, “I want to be gorgeous.” God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man’s turn came, he laughed and said, “I wish they were all ugly again.”

January 2, 2019July 3, 2019

Can I Get A Lil’ Bit Of That Anointing Oil, Please?

Happy New Year, Beloveds!

Early yesterday morning after the ball dropped, I watched a movie with my little ones. I love spending time with my kids. I remember a time when it was hard to spend time with them. I was so convinced that they deserved a better mother, so I began to put a wedge between me and them. Now that I think about, my thinking was so warped. What a great example of how the enemy will use such tactics to get inside our heads to destroy our families and each other. Praise God that I decided to allow God to heal my heart, soul, and mind. Now my children not only have the mother that they need but the mother that they deserve.

After our movie, at around 3 a.m., we decided to anoint our home. I’m not sure how often we should do it, but I thought to start the New Year off, we should do it. Plus, my children have been complaining of nightmares so what great way to get rid of the evil spirits that are trying to plague the minds of my children.

There are so many benefits to anointing our homes and our families. Through the blood of Jesus and Psalm 91, we are PROMISED protection from every danger, which included but not limited to sickness, disease, assault, crime, tornadoes, fire and any other threat to your safety and well-being. But God’s protection is not automatic. There are things we have to do in order for God to be our refuge.

4 Steps to Anointing Your Home and Family

Obtain Olive Oil – I’ve been told that extra virgin cold-pressed olive oil is the best to use because of its purity, but I’m sure any olive oil will suffice. You can also grab anointing oil from your local religious and secular stores.

Pray over your oil – Some people believe that only a religious leader can anoint oil. I believe that we can do it ourselves as long as we have Christ living within us. We pray to Him about everything else, right? Here’s an example of the prayer that I used to pray over our olive oil:
- In the name of Jesus, I set this oil apart to be holy anointing oil. Jesus, thank you for your sacrifice so that we can have complete healing and wholeness. This holy anointing oil speaks to the perfection of your finished work. I thank you that whatever this oil touches, the fullness of your grace, power, provision, and healing virtue will flow according to your living word. I pray that wherever this oil is applied, it will bring glory and praise to your name. Amen.
Understanding Anointing Oil – Understand that the power of the oil is from God and God only. Anointing oil is a symbol of our faith, trusting that God will fulfill his promises of protecting us. And if you don’t know God is incapable of lying! He is a God of His word:
- “God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?” -Number 23:19
- Please know that without faith, anointed oil is useless. You must believe in the power of God and the authority that Christ has given you. *Remember, the same power that raised Christ from the dead is living inside of each and every one of us (Romans 8:11)*
Using Anointing Oil – There are many things that we can anoint; ourselves, our home, our children, our vehicles, our office, etc. When I anointed my home, my mentor told me to take the anointed oil, put a small amount on my finger (many people place it on their right thumb), and rub it around the entrance of each room while praying Psalm 91. Remove all objects that have evil roots attached to them; false idols and/or statues, evil masks, etc. If you are unsure, pray for God to reveal those items to you so you can throw them out. God revealed to my husband and I that a wooden table that was donated to us had evil spirits attached to it. Once we got rid of it and prayed over our home, you could tell the difference.
- When anointing my family, I placed a small amount on my thumb, made a sign of the cross across the foreheads of my children and my husband and prayed Psalm 91.
- If you are using anointing oil for healing, you can rub a small amount of oil across the damaged area of the body while praying for healing.
- When I prayed Psalm 91, I made into personal prayer. God loves it when we repeat scripture back to him, especially when we pray His words. It not only glorifies him, but it also turns him into a blushing papa.

I pray that this helps you and your family start anew this year. Although I feel this should be done more often than once a year, at least we’re all starting off on the right foot. This year, I would like for whoever is reading is this to be free from the strongholds that Satan has on you and your loved ones. We must accept who we are in Christ and begin to see ourselves how our Abba Father sees us; more precious than anything in the universe, in order to do so.

I love you all and please remember to pray for one another. Don’t forget to hit the follow button to the right so you can receive email updates on new blog post. Oh and let me know in the comment section on how you anoint your home and other living spaces. Peace and love!

“Then he poured some of the anointing oil on Aaron’s head, anointing him and making him holy for his work.” -Leviticus 8:12

July 17, 2018July 17, 2018

July Monthly Theme: Emotionally Healing

Hey Friends,

The past few days have been filled with much needed up’s and downs. The ups are always wanted and appreciated, but down days are filled with learning and worship. Does that make sense? I know it may sound crazy, but I’ve learned to take my bad days as learning experiences from God. Like little pop quizzes from what I have learned from good days.

Instead of allowing my mind to be filled with doubt and despair, I’ve learned to rely on the strength of the Lord to get me through. It doesn’t feel like the end of the world anymore. Better yet, it feels like God is giving me more time to correct my life so I can become who he needs me to be for his glory and kingdom.

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My down days have forced me to deal with bitterness that I didn’t know I was harboring. I thought I was over it until my ex-husband decided to make a decision that would not only change the lives of our lovely children but everyone in our family. My ex-husband decided to move to another state despite how it would affect our children. Needless to say, I was angry. Mostly because I knew the pain that my children would feel since I experienced the same abandonment and rejection by my own father.

Right after the move, I concentrated on making sure my children felt loved more than ever. I initially ignored my feelings so I can concentrate on theirs. I felt as though I was over it as the days and months went by because of the feeling of “I want to rip his head off” became less and less. But then, he would say something rude or selfish and those “I hate you” feelings would come rushing back.

Unbeknownst to me, I was becoming bitter. Or maybe I was already bitter and didn’t know how fast it was growing inside of me from the moment I heard “I’m moving!” Recently, I began reading this book called Chaos Beneath The Shade: How To Uproot And Stay Free From Bitterness written by Tracey Bickle. It shined a light on how I truly felt and what I need to do to get over my feelings. I don’t want to “hate” the father of my two oldest children. I most definitely don’t want how I feel to spew out onto them. That would break my heart even more.

So, I’ve come to the realization that I need to heal from the situation. I’m not the first woman to be left to raise her children without the father and unfortunately, I won’t be the last. Plus, I have a wonderful husband who has gladly stepped in to pick up what my ex-husband has left behind. So, first I began to pray, Lord, please heal my heart. Please remove this hatred stirring inside of me. That wasn’t enough though and Tracey Bickle let me know why.

How to Begin to Heal Emotionally

Pray for the person that has wronged you. At first, I didn’t like this idea, but there are a couple of reasons why praying for the person that has hurt is effective:
- Forgiveness breaks the cycle- So my children won’t be affected
- When you consistently pray for them, your heart will begin to heal itself
- Jesus said so…But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! -Matthew 5:44
- Why did Jesus say so? Because “If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much.” Matthew 5:46
- “[Forgiveness] softens our heart to see the temporary nature of the conflict.” -Tracey Bickle
Going through the process of forgiveness is helping you trust God and because you are being obedient, He will bless you. He will then hold the person who offended you accountable for their own actions. “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;” -Luke 6:37
Talk it out. Seek counseling or talk to someone who you trust that would be able to help you look at the bigger picture. We need those who can see what we don’t and with compassion, tenderness, and kindness, they can help us walk through it.
Let it go. It was hard for me to let go because I felt like he is “getting away with” abandoning his responsibilities, while he’s living his best life; doing as he pleases when he pleases. But I have to trust that God will hold him accountable for the real reason that he left. “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” -1 Timothy 5:8

Simply put, this is not my fight, nor my worry anymore. I love my children more than anything! I will do anything for them to have great lives. And if that means letting go of the bitterness that I hold against their father, then I HAVE to do that. Plus, bitterness causes illness and I’m already sick enough, so this is my declaration that I am letting it go.

Thank you all for reading my thoughts. I pray that if you are holding onto any bitterness from someone that has hurt you, that you are able to hand it over to God so you can begin to heal. I love you all. Please remember to pray for one another.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. -Ephesians 4:32

**Pictures borrowed from google pics*

June 6, 2018June 6, 2018

Being Eeyore At A Tigger Party

Hello Friends,

If you are unfamiliar, Eeyore is a character in the Winnie-the-Pooh books by A. A. Milne. He is well known for his gloomy, depressed personality. Truthfully speaking, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized why Eeyore was my favorite character out of all the others. I could relate. No matter what was going on, he was sad. The difference between Eeyore and I was that I felt the need to mask my sadness, even as a child.

I remember being told a few times throughout my life that “no one wanted to be around someone who was sad all of the time.” This forced me to put on such “mask” because I didn’t want to be shunned by society. Honestly, I love people. I love the energy that people provide, I love their smiles, I love helping them when they are in need, I love humanity as a whole. So, I did what I had to do to be a part of society. I hid. Hiding created anxiety because I didn’t want to be discovered. I didn’t want anyone; family, friends, co-workers, God…to see my sadness. I needed everyone to know I was ok, like everyone else. But let me tell you, once you suppress something long enough, it would eventually bubble to the surface. Trust me.

Recently, I’ve been faced with social anxiety. My sadness has reared it’s ugly head and I can no longer contain it with my own strength (if you guys haven’t been able to notice), thus causing extreme anxiety. Sadness is not something I can’t control, nor is it something that I voluntarily chose to have (like some would like to think). This is why it is called a “mental illness”.

My church started offering a social event called, Parents Connect. It’s a night where parents come together once a month, without their children, and socialize. I tried to attend the first event. I drove the twelve minutes to get there, grabbed my purse, stepped out of my car, checked the rearview mirror to see if I had anything on my face, walked to the door, and looked through the window like a creep. I suddenly felt the need to turn around and run (which I did, well more of a fast paced walked). My palms became sweaty, I began to shake and tremble. It was horrible. It was the beginning of a full-blown anxiety attack. I saw all of those parents who were well dressed, smiling, laughing, enjoying themselves. Honestly, I just felt like I wouldn’t fit in. So, I ran. Sat in my car for the next hour reading a book…in the church parking lot because I was too ashamed to come home and tell my husband that I couldn’t handle it.

How did Eeyore do it? How was he so sad all of the time, yet was able to have fun with Tigger and the rest of his friends during social events? If you are unfamiliar with Tigger, he is also a character in Winnie-the-Pooh. His personality was very exuberant, friendly, and energetic. The complete opposite of Eeyore. I believe the reason why Eeyore was able to be sad but still have friends was that he didn’t put on a mask. He didn’t have to suppress his sadness because that’s just who he was. He accepted it and his friends did too.

Which brings me to my next point, anxiety just isn’t anxiety. Anxiety is the result of a deeper, rooted issue. For me, my rooted issue is fear. Fear of being discovered. Fear of judgement. Fear of rejection. When I saw the other parents living it up like it was 1999, I was afraid. I was afraid that I would walk in like Eeyore at a Tigger party, except they would judge me or treat me like a leaper because “no one likes to be around a person who is sad all of the time.” So I ran and spent time with the only person I knew wouldn’t judge me; Jesus. If you thought I was going to say myself, that would have been a whole lie because I judge myself all of the time.

I’ve been feeling really anxious lately, but then God revealed to me it is due to fear. Once I thought about it, I couldn’t help but agree. I am truly afraid. I’m afraid all of the time. I’m afraid for my children’s future. I’m afraid of what people may say about my appearance or health. I’m afraid of certain family members and their judgement. I’m afraid of the choices I’ve made and the result of them. I’m afraid that I may never get better. Any of this sound familiar? If not, it wouldn’t surprise me that I’m the only crazy worrying about this kind of nonsense because let’s be honest, who cares what people think? Or better yet, why do I care? Because I’ve always cared. It’s been a driving factor in my life to do well and be in the “elite class” of humanity. And when I fall short, I am judged, thus creating fear. I wish I wasn’t like this. I pray every day for the Lord to take it away, but then if I don’t have it, will I still have the passion that I have for humanity as a whole? Ok, I think I’m going down a rabbit hole with this one.

Louie Giglio, a pastor at Passion City Church, wrote, “The antidote to fear is faith, and the soundtrack of faith is worship.” When we are feeling fearful or anxious, this is the time to draw closer to God.

We must remind ourselves that he is able by refocusing on him and his plan for our lives. Did you know that in the Bible, God tells us to “fear not” 366 times? That’s every day of the year including leap year. Fear and anxiety is not something we are supposed to carry.

It is easy to say, I will not let fear reign over me when it feels like my chest has an elephant sitting on it. I have to remind myself that God says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

I know his plans for me aren’t to walk around in fear, that’s what Satan wants. He is not of God of fear, but a God of mercy and righteousness. His gift of grace does not include fear, anxiety, depression, addiction, anger, hopelessness, rejection, nor judgment. Those are the enemies tricks and lies.

But now God has shown us a way to be made right with him without keeping the requirements of the law, as was promised in the writings of Moses^[a] and the prophets long ago. ²²We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are.

²³For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.²⁴Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. -Romans 3:21-24

Next time you feel anxious about anything, I recommend you to do two things: (1.) Find the root of the anxiety so whatever fruit you bear will be free of it (2.) Draw nearer to Jesus because he bore that fear and punishment for you on the cross. Give it to God!

Remember, as I stated Prayer Is The Best Medicine. Pray for yourself, pray for others, pray for those in need, which is everyone! We all need Jesus. I love you all and have a wonderful day.

June 5, 2018June 5, 2018

Seeking God Part 5: Shame

Hey Friends,

Remember when I said I Suck At Maintaining Friendships, well I also meant online relationships as well. I apologize if many of you feel as though I don’t reciprocate the same love on your blogs as you do mine. I blog to release my feelings and share God’s words. So I apologize and will try to work on it. I truly love you all and are very proud of each and every one of you for doing what you love to do day in and day out.

Now that is out of the way, I want to share what happened to me tonight. Right now, I am currently reading a book by Christine Caine titled Unashamed. This is such a great read, especially if you are like me who has been carrying around the burden of shame since adolescent years.

While reading, it kind of ties into what happened tonight. So, as I was getting ready to head out to one of my classes at church, I looked for what seemed like an eternity for a shirt that didn’t show how skinny I am (current shame); anything too baggy or too tight would reveal an alarming skeleton frame. But, Eureka! I found a white shirt that I felt fit perfectly.

I get to my class, sit down next to my classmates, pull out my bible and notebook, look down only to see two large orange stains on the front of my shirt. Those stains led my eyes to a large brown stain on the left side of my shirt. My first thought was, “what the hell! This shirt was clean when I left the house 15 minutes ago.” After further inspection, it seems as though the stains were “sat-in” stains…meaning, even though I had washed it, those stains weren’t going anywhere.

Needless to say, I was embarrassed. I began to think about what other people would say to themselves when they noticed the stains. Would they think…“Oh, she’s dirty? She’s nasty? Why would she leave her house with a dirty shirt on?”

I would have never left the house in a shirt with stains all over it, for this exact reason…shame. Then I realized the lighting in my room and the lighting in my class are completely different. The lighting in my room made the shirt look nice, white, and clean. But the lighting in our classroom made my shirt look dingy with stains.

This made me think about my relationship with God. Before I began my journey, I felt like my life was nice, white, and clean. But then the more I sought God and the closer I became, the more He began to reveal that my life was just the opposite; gross, dingy, and stained. But he did this out of love to show me that the only way to “change my shirt” was through him.

Sitting in class, as embarrassed as I was, I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to hear what God had to say to me. Since this week has been emotionally tough, I needed to hear hope. But God didn’t speak to me during this class…or at least I didn’t listen to what he had to say. The chatter in my head about the stain on my shirt (and other nonsense I have no control over) was too loud for me to hear anything God had to say to me. So he chose to speak to me through Christine Caine.

The more we draw closer to God, the more God shines a light on our shortcomings… it may make us feel ashamed, embarrassed, just as Adam and Eve did when they ate the fruit from the forbidden tree. “At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.” Genesis 3:7).

When God shines his light on our shortcomings, it’s not to shame us, it’s to draw us closer to him. We were created to feel no shame. We were created in his image, his likeness (Genesis 1:27-28). Is God ashamed of us? No, quite the opposite. He made us “reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.” (Genesis 1:28).

As yourself, you would give that kind of authority to someone you were ashamed of? Would you kill your only Son for people you were ashamed of?

That is what’s so amazing about his love. God forgave Adam and Eve, even though they didn’t listen to the one and only rule he had given them; “But the Lord God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden— ¹⁷except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.” Genesis 2:16-17.

God still gave up the most precious gift he had, Jesus, so we didn’t have to feel shame, or guilt, or regret, or hate, or anxiety. He gave us his word as a guide and his promises that through him, we will see better days. Remember folks, the enemy has already been defeated on the cross…that battle has been won, through Jesus name. But I was told that even if you’ve cut the head off of a rattlesnake, his venom can still harm, or even kill you. Meaning, even though Satan was defeated on the cross, his “minions” are still working hard to turn you away from Jesus and shame has become one of best tactics.

When you walk into the brighter light and see of all of the stains in your life, don’t turn away from it. Don’t turn off of the light, but embrace it. God will tackle all of those stains one by one. Turn to Jesus when Satan throws another stain on your shirt because he is the only one that can get the stain out.

Love you all. Have a wonderful day. Please pray for Guatemala, each other, and anyone else you know who is suffering. The enemy is busy, but God is almighty. Blessed be, family.

“Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you…” Isaiah 54:4

June 2, 2018June 2, 2018

Foggy Days

Hey Friends,

So, have you guys ever felt so busy or occupied that it is almost like you are in a fog? It seems for the past couple of days, I’ve been really occupied with my kids and maintaining a relationship with God, I haven’t been able to have time for anything else.

Lately, my mind has been reminded of heartbreaking moments in my life…relationships that have been lost in outer space (it seems). I’ve even been reminded by haunting dreams; people that I haven’t thought about in years have suddenly come up as if our relationship was obliterated yesterday.

I can’t help but to wonder, is this the trick of the enemy? Is it suppressed feelings that have stayed dormant for so long that they no longer can stay hidden in whatever God-forsaken area of my heart? Or is because of a recent heartbreak that opened the floodgate of hurt feelings that I’ve tried to ignore for years?

I’m not sure of the answers to any of these questions, so I’ve occupied my mind with two things that I know would bring joy to my heart; my children and God.

Fixing my focus on God’s love for us is vital to my mental and physical health. Simply put, when I feel good and I am able to “do good”. I’m able to be a good mother to my children, I’m able to take care of my household, and most importantly, I’m able to see past my own struggles and have hope for the future. And hope is so important when trying to overcome adversity.

I have hope in knowing that God has given the gift of grace and righteousness. I have hope because Jesus Christ died in order for us to live! When I meditate on that thought alone, I have no other choice but to worship and rejoice. Knowing that he has paid the price for my past, present, and future mishaps.

That being said, I don’t know where this feeling of heartbreak is coming from. I don’t know why, all of a sudden, I am hit with past and present foes, but I do know that I will not let them defeat me because Jesus’ death defeated them for me already. And it is a complete waste of time to spend anymore thought or energy on it.

So, Satan I say to you…

I pray that you are not allowing whatever demons haunting to no longer haunt you. I pray that you put on the armor of God each day that you wake up and fight as if your life depended on it because Jesus’ is fighting for you. I pray that you find comfort in God’s love for us and know that it is more than our mere human minds can comprehend. In Jesus name, I pray, Amen.

Have a wonderful blessed start to your weekend. Sorry I missed Funny Friday…I will be more prepared next week. I love you with all of my heart.

“So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” -1 Peter 5:6-7

April 20, 2018April 21, 2018

Funny Friday

Oh crap! I’ve been so wrapped up in mental wellness, I almost forgot to post today’s Funny Friday. Why didn’t anyone tell me? Oh yea, that’s right…you’re not suppose to!

Today’s Funny Friday is brought to you by my 4 year old, Christian.

Christian: Mom can we go to field trip (QuikTrip gas station) to get a donut?

Me: I don’t mind, but I have to take a shower first.

Christian: Why?

Me: Cause I haven’t showered yet and I’m starting to smell.

Christian: …don’t forget to wash your tate o tots (testicles).

Me: Girls don’t have testicles

Christian: Yes they do. And they’re musty so you have to wash them!

Have a wonderful Friday! Stay blessed

April 18, 2018

Imbalance

It seems that when one is trying to get right with God, the enemy tries to discourage you. I’m apologizing ahead of time for the grammatical errors and misspelling. Tears are streaming down my face as I try to wrap my heart around how I’m supposed to deal with everyday life and battle my mental illness. It seems so impossible.

God has been trying to convince me that He will not put anything on me that I cannot handle and I know He knows me better than I know myself, but…why, why do I have to hurt so much? Why is it so hard just to get through one hour or even one minute of every day?

Lord I’m trying to flood my mind with your word, but my thoughts are becoming louder. Please save me.

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Today, I was supposed to post another article on Autism, but really, my heart isn’t there right now. So, please visit Autism Speaks to get more information on ways to cope with Autism Spectrum Disorder. They have helped me understand what autism means and provided wonderful ways to support my son, RJ.

To catch up on his story, please visit 💙❤️💛💚Dancing To Your Own Beat: Autism Awareness💙❤️💛💚 and Rj’s First Fist Fight…And Im A Little Proud!.

Thank you all for reading my thoughts. Please pray for one another. Everyone is struggling because more and more people are depending on God, instead of themselves, so the enemy is working overtime to prevent that from happening.

For those who are having a rough day, here is a cute puppy video to lift your spirits.

Love you all and stay blessed!

^“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11

April 17, 2018April 17, 2018

7 Reasons Why We Avoid Progress

Hello Friends!

Have you ever been afraid to become a better you? That sounds crazy right. You’re probably saying, “why would someone be afraid of progressing in life?” We would like to think that we want and need progression in our lives, but very few people will admit to being afraid of it. I know I am.

I so desperately want to get better, feel better, and do better. So why does the thought of “being a better me” frighten me so much? There must be something wrong with me, right? WRONG!

Ron Edmondson is a church leader and pastor of Immanuel Baptist Chruch and is an avid believer in Jesus. I was introduced to him by one of my church elders and leader of the group that I’m in called Crash the Chatterbox, Bert.

Bert gave our class a handout that explained why we are afraid of progress written by Ron Edmondson. When I first read it, I thought the same thing you said, “Why would anyone be afraid of progress?” But then I started reading. The reasons he stated makes sense and has transformed my perception, so hopefully, it’ll transform yours as well. Let’s do this!

7 Reasons We Avoid Progress by Ron Edmondson

It stretches us– Progress will lead to unchartered territories; areas that you have never been in before. The unknown can be scary
It invites us– Progress loves to create interest in new activities and circumstances. In order to fuel and maintain the momentum, one must embrace the continuous change that is going to happen.
You HAVE to improve– Progress requires more energy and effort as it progresses. Keep in mind, “You have to get better to get bigger.”
It’s often messy– I like to say, “Anything worth having is going to require a fight.” If it were easy, everyone would be rich, everyone would be successful, everyone would have the spouse of there dreams.
It often defies logic or boundaries– Think about this, 100 years ago, you would have been locked up in an insane asylum if you told them that is it possible to pick up a device, put it to your ear, and talk to someone 2,000 miles away in 30 seconds? Sometimes, stepping outside of the box will take you further than staying in it.
It invites competition– “Show people a little progress and someone will want to join the fun!” -Bert V. In today’s social media infested society, it seems that everyone is losing their individuality to become more like celebrities, and the celebrities are copying each other. So, maybe, if you progress, then others would want that for themselves, too.
It begs for more– This couldn’t be truer. One time I thought to myself, “Ugh! Blogging requires so much time and attention, and I need my naps, soooo…. maybe this is something I don’t want to do. I’m glad I didn’t listen to myself but instead listened to God. I sounded stupid. Blogging has become my safe haven, my beach, my getaway. Why would I deprive myself of such harmony just because I need naps? Don’t be a turd in a hot tub, floating around, waiting to get flushed. Nurture what nurtures you.

Reading over this broadened my perception. I didn’t know that I was afraid of progressing until I said, “Yea, I’m afraid of that” to most of the reasons. I was like the chicken in the video clip. A part of improving, unfortunately, is taking a really good look at yourself. Not your outer appearance, but your soul. And you may not like what you see. I surely don’t! But you know what, it is very much worth it.

I love the feeling that I have when I know I’m improving myself. I feel great when I know something that I have struggling with is now no longer a concern. All it took what a hard look, a little vodka, and a whole lotta Jesus. Joking about the vodka, cause boy, I wish.

Anyway, thank you so so much for reading my thoughts. I appreciate all of the love that is shown to me and I love each and every one you in Jesus name. Stay blessed, family.

PS…sorry for all of the cute furry animals. I wanted to use furry cuteness to represent my mood, but I think all it’s going to do is make you guys go…

“Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning.” -Benjamin Franklin

April 5, 2018April 8, 2018

I’m Coming Out, I Want the World to Know

My dark passenger is angry, possessive, and selfish. I like to call her, Harley. She is someone that I have hidden for a very long time. She is cruel, inconsiderate, and too smart for her own good.

When I experience a manic episode, Harley rears her ugly head. She is no longer easily tamed but instead crazed for attention and dangerous fun. She used to be someone I wished I could always be, but that was the mania talking. After speaking to a few people who have experienced Harley, come to find out, she’s not that great at all.

If you are unfamiliar with my story, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I in 2003 when I was 17 years old. For the next few years, I would take depression medication here and there, but honestly, I didn’t take my diagnosis seriously. I thought I was perfectly ok when really I wasn’t…far from it.

People, like myself, who struggle with Bipolar Disorder usually experience manic episodes. Clinically, manic episodes are defined as periods of extremely elevated mood that are not just feeling “good” or “high,” but moods that are beyond reason and cause major distress and life impairment.

Symptoms of mania or manic episodes include:

Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity-You feel like you’re on top of the world and no one and nothing can stop you.
Increased Insomnia- One time I was awake for 46 hours straight
More talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking
Flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing- Your brain never turns off, NEVER!
Attention is easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant items
Excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., engaging in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments)

I experience every last symptom listed above, some more than others at times. Sometimes, I don’t realize I’m manic until I’m at the end of it and I begin to crash. For me, a manic episode can last for days, sometimes weeks. Once the mania is over, my mind goes into a deep, deep depression. I can’t stop it. I can’t prepare for it. It literally hits me like a ton of bricks every time.

Mania Crash Symptoms Include:

• Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
• Difficulty concentrating
• Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed
• Difficulty sleeping
• Overeating or loss of appetite
• Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
• Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

I hid my condition for a very, very long time. I was afraid that people who see me as crazy and unlovable. I felt as though no one would understand because who would listen to a “crazy” person, right? I lied to my family and friends all of the time. I created a facade, a secret identity, if you will, so no one would see the real me, Harley. I later realized (just recently) that I am not really Harley. She is just my dark passenger called Bipolar Disorder I.

After Harley comes out to play, I, Ashley, is left with the destruction. Confused by the wreckage and heartbreak that Harley has left behind, I would always feel so ashamed, I would hide. I’ve lost a lot of great people in my life due to Harley, but what can a gal do?

Anyway, this post is what some may call My Coming Out post. I’ve briefly mentioned my bipolar diagnosis in other posts, but I’ve always felt the need to kind of hide. You know, mention it, but not really deal with it. I would think, what if someone that hates me read that I am Bipolar? They would probably say, I knew she was crazy! But I wouldn’t be fulfilling the purpose of my blog if I continued to hide my mental illness from the world. I’m choosing to deal with this head-on.

Love me or hate me, I’m bipolar.

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” ~ Mary Anne Radmacher

If you know someone who is struggling with Bipolar Disorder, please let them they are not alone. If you are experiencing any of the symptoms above, please contact your healthcare professional. Bipolar disorder is manageable, but not without treatment. Take care of yourself!

If you liked this reading, please visit Journey to Forgiving Yourself and Blogging With Depression to learn more ways cope with mental illness.

April 4, 2018April 4, 2018

How to Maintain a Successful Relationship

At 32 years old, I never thought that I would find anyone to marry me, let alone two people. Before my current husband, I was married for about eight years. My ex-husband and I got married very young for the wrong reasons. After we separated, he expressed to me that the only reason why he married me was that I was pregnant with our daughter and he thought I would leave him. I couldn’t be offended by that answer because I only married him so I wouldn’t be another statistic. I was 19 years old, pregnant, and wanted my daughter to grow up in a two-parent household. At that time, I think we loved each other. Honestly, I think we both were in love with the idea of family and not in love with each other.

Shortly after my daughter was born, things quickly changed. I think for my ex-husband, he became a father without knowing what that really meant. So he withdrew himself. He distracted himself with online games and hanging out with his friends. The more pressure I put on him to be a good father, the more he withdrew himself away from us. Until eventually, I gave up and asked for the divorce.

I spent many years after our separation blaming him for the destruction of our marriage. I blamed his selfishness and lack of attention that he put into the relationship he had with me and our children. After a while, though, I was forced to look at my actions that contributed to marriage failing. It was hard. It was easier for me to blame him for everything, but most of the time, when a relationship fails, it was caused by both people.

Looking back, I see the things that we both could have done differently. After our divorce was finalized, I took time to learn about myself. I had to take a hard, honest look at who I was and what kind of partner I would be to someone else. I’ll be honest, a lot of the stuff that I learned I didn’t like. For instance, I realized that I was extremely controlling. I not only wanted to control my household, but I wanted to control my ex-husband. I wanted to control his feelings and his reactions to my feelings. I wanted to control how he treated me and I wanted to control how he treated me as his wife. I allowed my expectations of what a husband and wife relationship should be versus allowing us to learn and grow together.

I didn’t notice that I was being so controlling. I was so afraid of being treated badly, I allowed my fear to create another wedge in our relationship. Don’t get me wrong, we definitely do not belong together. We are better parents apart than we ever were together, but I’m glad that we went through it because it was one of the greatest learning experiences that I’ve ever had. My relationship with my ex-husband prepared me for my marriage with my current husband. I’ve definitely learned something along the way that has helped my husband and I get through those annoying marital issues that come up every now and then.

Below are tips that I have learned that has allowed my husband and I to have a great relationship. We still have out bumps in the road, but the following tips have made those bumps more like ant hills and less like mountains. So let’s begin.

Tip#1: Always be willing to adapt– Would you say that you are the same person you were ten years ago? Probably not. You’ve changed, right? Well, that is never going to change. As human beings, we are constantly changing, growing from our experiences. So, the person that you fell in love with will more than likely change over the years as well. You have to be ready to fall in love with the new changes that your partner may present. For example, let’s say you fell in love with your partner because he/she is a successful musician, but then one day, they wake up and decide they want to become an accountant. Would you leave them or adapt to their decision? Having a successful relationship means choosing to love them through whatever decision they make.

Tip #2 Be Honest- Trust takes years to earn, but only seconds to lose. We all lie (well most of us) to protect the people that we love, but lying has the potential to do more harm than good. It easier to work through a bad decision that your partner made versus working through a bad decision and a lie. In my experience, the truth will always be revealed.

Tip #3 Patience– Having patience with your partner will take you further than you realize. When my husband and I are having a discussion, I have to take a deep breath at least 20 times during our conversation. It’s a little trick I’ve learned to prevent myself from interrupting him. It’s not 100% effective, but it has made a huge difference on how our conversations turn out.

Tip #4 Seek God Together– Discerning the voice of God will play a huge part in any relationship you are in. When you know Gods instructions on how he wants us to treat each other, it helps with how we interact with each other. I respect my husband more because of the love I know that I am supposed to have for him. I allow Gods love to guide how I feel about my husband versus allowing the world to guide me on how to love my husband. I see a lot of post on social media that tells us that we should love each other based off of what that person can do for us, but God says that we should serve and love each other, despite how it may benefit us. Do not love your spouse because of what they can do for you. Love them because God loves you.

Tip #5 Respect each other– This is a hard one for a lot of people because nowadays, people only respect someone if they too feel respected, but being in a relationship isn’t about that. In a marriage, sometimes, you may feel that your spouse has disrespected you. When my husband was unfaithful during our marriage, I felt very disrespected. I felt he disrespected me, our relationship, and our family. But does that mean I should stop respecting him? Absolutely not. This is where I had to learn the true meaning of forgiveness. As easy as it would have been to walk away, that would have been the wrong choice. His bad decision did not change who he is as a father and a husband. It just simply meant he made a mistake. And since he is human and mistakes are expected, I trusted God to help us work through it. Now, we are stronger than ever before. All thanks to his mistake.

Tip #6 Pick your battles– Not everything has to be a fight or a battle. There are some potential arguments that you are able to walk away from. When we first started dating, my husband told me that I was like a doormat. That I allowed anything to fly. This couldn’t be furthest from the truth. It’s not that I allowed anything to fly, I just didn’t like arguing over things that were meaningless. If he does something that was annoying or something I don’t like, I think “Is this really worth an argument?” In my opinion, some situations are unavoidable, but other situations can be let go if you don’t allow your pride and ego to get in the way. Sometimes you just have to LET IT GO. Save your energy for the more important fights because trust me, they will happen.

Tip #7 Active listening– I used to complain all of the time about how I felt my husband wasn’t actively listening to me. Sometimes when I would talk about a subject that was important to me, he would be playing his game or reading an article online. I would purposely say an assinine remark, just to see if he was listening and the majority of the time he was not. I’m sure a lot of men get grief about this when sports are on television or if they too own a game system. But just imagine how much less bickering you hear if you look your partner in the eye while they were talking. This would benefit your relationship in three ways:

It will allow your partner to feel like you are listening, thus creating trust and desire to share more intimate details about themselves.
It will give you an opportunity to add your two cents. If you listen to what that person has to say, then they are more likely to hear what you have to say, thus, creating a healthy “back and forth” conversation.
The bond between you and your partner will grow that much stronger. We all want someone that we feel we can talk to. Why not that person be the person who’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with.

It took 2 marriages and multiple failed relationships for me to come with this short list. I’ve made plenty of mistakes, so I take pride in learning from each and every one. It is my hope that, regardless of what kind of relationship you may be in; husband and wife, partner and partner, best friends, work relationship, church relationship; you are able to take away any helpful tips to gain a healthier, successful relationship.

My relationship with my husband isn’t perfect and it will never be perfect. We are two human beings who are constantly evolving in a sinful world who’s bound to make countless mistakes. Knowing this, I chose to fall in love with my husband every day that I have the blessing of waking up next to him. Each day, I learn something new about him. Sometimes I like what I learn and some days I don’t. But I chose to love him despite his flaws because he chooses to love me despite mine. Sometimes I feel I give him more reasons than none NOT to love me, but he continues to show me through Gods love, his love, support, and dedication to our marriage every day that his love for me is unconditional.

Thank you for reading my thoughts. I pray that God blesses each and every one of you beyond your deepest desires.

“Nobody can predict the future. You just have to give your all to the relationship you’re in and do your best to take care of your partner, communicate and give them every last drop of love you have. I think one of the most important things in a relationship is caring for your significant other through good times and bad.” -Nick Cannon

March 15, 2018March 15, 2018

Music is Life

Hey fellow bloggers!

The last few days have been extremely busy. First, I was hit with an unexpected Lupus flare (which slowed down my “to do” list). Secondly, we’ve been very busy getting prepared for an upcoming family trip to Disney World. I’m super excited because this is really a dream come true for my family. I think my husband and I are more excited than our children.

Just to give you a visual. My husband and I reactions when we officially knew we were going:

What I thought my kids’ reaction was going to be:

Their actual reaction:

Honestly, I think they won’t believe it until they see it. We’ve had to cancel family trips in the past due to my illness or finances and I know how disappointed they were back then. So, I think they are holding their excitement. I do see, the closer we get to the leave date and the more we pack, the more excited they become.

Anyway, since I haven’t had that much time to put into blogging (hence the reason why I didn’t post yesterday), I wanted to share with you a very inspiring cover sang by one of our fellow bloggers, Haley with Red Letters Blog. I love listening to her while I blog. Her angelic voice is soothing, allowing inspiration to flow easily through my mind and spirit. I would recommend giving her a visit and a listen. Below is one of my favorite covers that she has done. You can also find her on YouTube, just click the video below.

There is so much inspirational music that I listen to on YouTube. Some you may have heard and some are hidden gems (like above). Starting now, I will be sharing that list. I believe that music is vital to the survival of humanity and without it, we would become, even more, emotionally disconnected…in my opinion.

So take a listen and have a wonderful rest of your evening (early morning to my friends overseas). Stay Blessed!

“Where words fail, music speaks.” -Hans Christian Andersen

March 13, 2018March 13, 2018

NatGeo #4

Good Day, Friends.

Please enjoy this week’s photos from NatGeo Magazine titled 7 Gorgeous Photos from National Geographics

NatGeo #3

Hey Friends!

If you’re new to my blog, please visit NatGeo and NatGeo #2 to see the previous photos. Every week, National Geographic magazine post the most beautiful photos of our earth and its occupants that are captured by very talented people from all over the world. At the end of the week, they’ll post a segment called The Most Compelling Photos of the Week. I’ve been a fan of NatGeo since I was a small child and their photos have always been my favorite part of the magazine.

So here’s what I’m thinking, since I’ve received so much positive feedback when post National Geographic, maybe this can be a regular thing. We’ll see. Until then, please enjoy! You find can find more of their photos here.

In every walk with nature, one receives far more than he seeks. -John Muir

March 9, 2018March 9, 2018

Talk About Staying Motivated

You, yes you! The awesome follower reading my post right. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

It was only three months ago, I was forcing myself to blog as a way to get out what has been boiling inside of me for years. Writing has always been one of my many passions, but becoming a blogger has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Prior to blogging full time, I tried to join many online support groups to get help with mental and physical illness’ that I am currently struggling with, but none of them worked for me, until WordPress. You guys have been the best support group a gal can ask for.

I’ve poured my heart out to you and was reciprocated with love, words of wisdom, and encouragement. Even if you’ve never commented or liked, I am so grateful that you took the time out to hit that follow button. Out of the millions of bloggers, you chose to follow me. And I appreciate it that more than you’ll ever know.

Each like, comment, and follow has given me the courage to continue to write. Even when I am afraid, I know that at least one person will be able to relate, so I push forward and write anyway. I want you guys to know that you have helped save someone’s life…mine.

Again, thank you all! I love each and every one of you. As I document this journey in my life, I will never forget the kind souls that I have met on here and I can’t wait to meet many more. Glory be to God! ❤️

Please feel free to email me anytime for any reason. You can also follow me on social media:

Email: harotianessentials@yahoo.com

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