My Identity

Hey Friends,

My post has been far and few between because I am concentrating on developing my relationship with the Lord. I was beginning to feel like this blog was becoming my identity, but then as each day passed by, God was revealing that the plans that he has for my life will “accomplish infinitely more than we (me) might ask or think” (Ephesians 3:20).

I want my blog to be successful. I want to help people with my story of how I am overcoming mental and physical illness so it would inspire you to do it as well. But it says that His “mighty power at work within us” will help us to “infinitely accomplish” more than we could ever imagine for ourselves. Which means that I will accomplish more than developing a blog and helping people. He will use me to do so much more. I just have to keep my eye on the prize – focused on Him and His ways – and not allow the ways of the world to distract me.

It’s so easy to fall into that trap though, right? I mean, the world is constantly telling us what we have to look like, what we have to sound like, what college degrees we have to have, what friends we have to have in our circle, how many likes and comments we should have on our social media….it’s becoming more and more brutal by the day. Anxiety and depression are on the rise because, in my opinion, we are constantly comparing ourselves with “perfect” people online who seem to have everything. When in actuality they are as miserable as the person on the other side of the phone or tablet.

How are we suppose to know what our purpose is if we are constantly “following” other people? Sometimes I think we just poke around until we find something we like and do it. How are we supposed to gain any kind of individuality of we are always seeking approval from the world? We are losing sight of what is truly important, even if you have the right intentions of helping people. One of my favorite quotes is “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”. I truly believe this quote because people are focused on what they are doing and not who they are doing it for; Jesus.

While finding my freedom from the world through Jesus Christ, I am finding things out about myself that I have been in complete denial about. I truly thought I was more self-aware than most people on earth. WRONG! I even prided myself in it.

If I could be completely honest, it is hard to peel back the onion of your life only to see that you have been a mindless zombie like the same people you said you would never become. There have been a lot of tears through this process but it is so worth it! Why? Because God will do exceedingly abundantly more in my life than I could have ever imagined and I’ve imagined some pretty cool stuff. But first, He has to strip away what I thought was right so He can renew my mind to what is actually right.

Have you ever tried to put tape on a dirty surface? You can’t. It’ll peel right off. You have to clean the surface first, then place the tape on there. That way, it’ll hold forever. Jesus has to do a deep clean in our lives before He can do His good work in us. That way, the good work He does will “stick” forever. Praise God!

My identity is not this blog or helping people. It’s not even in my husband or kids. It is in Christ because all of the above are wonderful gifts that he has blessed me with. And one day, the kids will have their own families, my husband has his own walk with God and this blog and/or helping people may not be what He is calling me to do 40 years from now. Our lives I meant to be lived like seasons; winter, spring, summer, and fall. But you know what will never change? The fact that I will always be His! I will always be a child of God. God will always love me and nothing will tear me from His love. I will always be a follower of Christ Jesus and that is where my identity lies.

Thank you for reading my thoughts and for sticking with me during this journey. If you are just now following my blog, thank you! If you have been around since the beginning, thank you! I am truly grateful for all of you, I love you, and please remember to pray for one another.

I…beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.” -Ephesians 4:1-3

**Featured image borrowed from google**

October 11, 2018

All We Need Is Jesus?

Hey Friends,

I almost did it. I almost allowed what was in front of me to distract me from the awesomeness of Jesus. Let me explain.

In the Gospel of Mark Chapter 8, Jesus feeds four thousand people with only seven loaves of bread and “a few small fish” (v.7). This isn’t the only time he has done this. If you are unfamiliar with the first time, Jesus fed five thousand people right before then with five loaves of bread and two fish. Afterward, Jesus and his disciples went to see the Pharisees who demanded to see “a miraculous sign” to prove that Jesus was indeed the Son of God. Jesus was like, “Look, man, I’m not proving anything! Why do people keep asking me to prove stuff?” Well, he didn’t quite say it like that:

“When he heard this, he sighed deeply in his spirit and said, “Why do these people keep demanding a miraculous sign? I tell you the truth, I will not give this generation any such sign.” (v.12).

You’ll notice that whenever Jesus says, “I tell you the truth”, he really, really means what he is about to say, like a *fist slam on the table” kind of “mean it”.

He sighed “deeply in this spirit”. Can you imagine how frustrated he could have been to sigh “deeply in his spirit”? I know when I sigh deeply in my spirit, I do a long eyebrow rub along with it, trying to figure out how to keep my cool.

So after that, he and the disciples got back in their boat to go on the other side of the lake from Bethsaida. The disciples turned around and were like, “Oh crap, we don’t have enough bread for us to eat. We should we do?” They began to freak out a little because they started to argue about it. Can you imagine? Yelling like crazy people in front of Jesus.

At this point, I would imagine Jesus was a fed up because he then said:

“Why are you arguing about having no bread? Don’t you know or understand even yet? Are your hearts too hard to take it in? You have eyes – cant you see? You have ears- cant you hear? Dont you remember anything at all?” (v.17,18)

Then he goes on to say:

“When I fed 5,000 with five loaves of bread, how many baskets of leftovers did you pick up afterwards?” (v.19)

They said:

“Twelve.” (v.19)

Can you imagine the look they had on their faces? Like children being reprimanded by a parent. Maybe had their head down, twirling their thumbs in between each other, completely understanding that yet again, they have underestimated the power of our Savior.

Jesus goes on to remind them:

“And when I fed the 4,000 with seven loaves, how many large baskets of leftovers did you pick up?” (v.20)

Again, the disciples answered

“Seven.” (v.20)

Then Jesus asked a simple, yet complex question, “Don’t you understand yet?” (v.21)

Sometimes, our “hearts are too hard” to take in the miracles that are right in front of us. We are the like the Pharisees and the disciples, always asking for God to perform miracle after miracle and when He does, we miss it completely because we are so focused on what we DONT have. I almost missed it. I almost missed the miracles that I have right in front of me because I’m too busy looking at what I don’t have or how can what I do have, be better.

It could be your marriage, it could be your job, it could be something as simple as a nice gesture that someone does for you every once in a while that they don’t have to do. It is in our broken nature to take things for granted. It stems from the result of The Fall.

Adam and Eve had everything. They were literally living in a perfect world; paradise. When Satan tempted them, it was more about what they didn’t have (the knowledge of good and evil), rather than being appreciative of what they did have in The Garden, which was literally everything else.

Lord Father, please forgive us for being so greedy. We leave in a materialistic world, and sometimes we can get caught up in having “it all”. But your words say that we need is the Bread of Life (John 6:35) and your promises (Hebrews 10:23) (oh and food and water to live). Thank you, Lord, for your glory, mercy, love, and gifts of righteousness. Thank you for the constant running of Living Water through us and in us. I pray for everyone reading this, that their days are filled with your joy and grace. In Jesus’ name. Amen!

Thank you all reading my thoughts. Love you all and please remember to pray for one another.

October 4, 2018

God Answered…

Hey Friends,

In Exodus chapter 3, God asked Moses to go to His people in Egypt and lead them out to be set free from “their harsh slave drivers” (v.7). Moses felt like he wasn’t qualified to take on such a task. He even said, “Who am I to appear before the Pharoah? “Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?” (v.11) And God’s response was amazing. God answered, “I will be with you.” (v.12)

It’s just like God to not only send us on a task that is unattainable by human standards but also promises to be with during the task. How awesome!

So, Moses asked God who should he say sent him to lead them out of Egypt? I mean, these were hurting, destitute people. Moses understood that he couldn’t just walk up to people and say, “hey come with me, ya’ll, to a foreign place that I nothing about nor the location.”

God’s answer was so amazing and in His character. He said, “I AM Who I AM. Say this to the people of Israel: I AM has sent me to you.” God also said to Moses, “Say this to the people of Israel: Yahweh, the God of your ancestors…” (v.14,15).

There are many times in our lives that we feel called to do something; that God has requested us to complete a task and we doubt ourselves. We think we’re not qualified, we think we’ll mess it up, or we’ll think that we’re hearing God wrong. Like, “Lord, I know you’re not talking to me. I can’t do that.”

But God doesn’t make mistakes. He’ll never ask us to do something that 1) He doesn’t believe we can do it and 2) without His help and guidance. He will never set us up to fail and fall flat on our face.

The next time God asks you to do something, remember Moses. Pray for confidence that you are the only person He believes can do what is needed to be done for His Kingdom, no matter how small or big it may seem. Everything you do for the Kingdom of God last forever.

Thank you guys for reading my thoughts today. I pray you all are having a wonderful day. I love you all and please remember to pray for one another.

September 28, 2018September 28, 2018

Funny Friday: 1st Grade Answers

Hey Friends,

Welcome to Funny Friday!!! I pray you all are having a wonderful start to your weekend. This week has been filled with unexpected blessings and fruitful experiences. God has been rewarding me for my growth and it has been absolutely beautiful. My frustration and anxiety have been down AND I taught a small group for the very first time at my church. It went really well and I can’t wait to do it again. It may seem small, but one thing I am learning is to celebrate the small stuff; that is what makes life more enjoyable.

Ok! Enough about me. Let’s get to why you’re really here. Time to laugh your butt off with today’s joke brought to you by www.Inspire21.com.

1st grader answers

A first-grade teacher had twenty-five students in her Clarkston, MI class. She presented each child in her class the first half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are just 6-year-olds because the last one is classic.

1. Don’t change horses……………………… until they stop.
2. Strike while the……………………………. bug is close.
3. It’s always darkest before………………. Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of….. termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but……. how?
6. Don’t bite the hand that………………… looks dirty.
7. No news is…………………………………… impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a……………………. Mister.
9. You can’t teach an old dog new………. math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you’ll…….. stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust……………………………… me.
12. The pen is mightier than the…………. pigs.
13. An idle mind is……………………………. the best way to relax.
14. Where there’s smoke there’s………… pollution.
15. Happy the bride who…………………….gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is…………………………. not much.
17. Two’s company, three’s………………… the Musketeers
18. Don’t put off till tomorrow what……. you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs
with you, cry and……………………….. you have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as……………. Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not……. spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don’t succeed…………… get new batteries.

23. You get out of something only
what you………………………………….. see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind……….. get out of the way.

25. Better late than………………………….. pregnant.

Thank you all for sticking with me and I pray you all have a safe and wonderful weekend. Love you all and please remember to pray for one another.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. -Mark Twain

September 24, 2018September 21, 2018

Motivation Monday: What is Mania To You?

Hey Friends,

In my last post, Sometimes We’re Not Who We Think We Are, I discussed how I was experiencing a manic episode. It was a proud moment because, since my diagnosis, this is the first time I’ve been able to recognize it and be proactive before I did something I would regret later.

Today, I would like to talk about how I got through it and signs that you may see in your loved ones that they may be struggling with the same illness. Most times, it’s more helpful if you are able to see the signs first and present them with it versus seeing the signs and not saying anything at all.

Related Post: She Must Be Crazy– How to Approach A Loved One Who May Have A Mental Illness

First, let me explain WHAT IS A MANIC EPISODE?

According to Psychology.org, a manic episode is a symptom of Bipolar Disorder in which one experiences “a mood state characterized by a period of at least one week.”

Signs of a Manic Episode

“I’m Totally Fried, Man!”- Feeling wired, jumpy, and more upbeat than normal
“Not So Sleeping” Beauty – You have a decreased need for sleep

3. “Natual Beer Goggles” – You have an exaggerated sense of well being; always in a euphoric state of mind. You feel untouchable

4. “Chatty Cathy” – You are extremely talkative about any and everything. You begin speaking really fast as if you are unable to get your words out fast enough

5. “You Said What Now?” – You are easily distracted. You are unable to stay on one topic or project at a time. You jumped from one thing to another without skipping a beat.

6. “I’m Feelin’ Friskay” – Bluntly put…you feel the need to have sex all of the time; hypersexuality.

Now, the above are just average symptoms. Some people experience all of them, some people experience only some of them. Just to give you an idea, below are the symptoms that I experience.

How did I recognize that I was manic?

I began coming up with “brilliant” ideas that are exaggerated and unreasonable to everyone else
I started to spend money on things that we didn’t need as a family (when normally I am a penny pincher).
I found myself talking really fast about any and everything. I also began shaking while talking (which is new).
I started taking on a bunch of new projects and assignments that in essence, started to become overwhelming. Once one project became overwhelming, I would quit it and start a new one.
I began thinking about things that would destroy my family; I began seeking attention from other people besides my husband (I didn’t act on any, thank you, Jesus).

There are so many ways that you can get through a manic episode because once it is over, you will experience a fall of deep depression. For me, I have to prepare myself and my family for it.

How Do I Get Through A Manic Episode?

I inform my healthcare team – I immediately let my husband know what I was going through and the things I need him to do to support me through it. I involve him because truthfully, I need help with monitoring my behavior. A lot of times, I don’t remember things that I have said or done. So, open communications and complete transparency is necessary.
I DO NOT make any major decision – I relinquish complete control to my husband. I communicate with other people who may ask me to make major decisions. I simply tell them that I am unable to decide at that time. Usually, people are understanding. Use your own decretion on whether or not you want to share why.
I attend support groups in my area – It is important NOT to isolate yourself. When I isolate myself, I convince myself to do all kinds of unhealthy activities. It’s healthy to talk things out around people who understand so they can say, “yea, maybe that’s not such a good idea.”
I prepare yourself for the “deep depression” fall – Everyone is different. For me, when I fall, I fall hard. I isolate. I withdraw. I stop eating. I stop living. Since I know this about myself I prepare by:
1. Communicating with my husband about my needs
2. Set five goals that I will meet per day no matter what. Even if it’s as simple as brushing my teeth and washing my face.
3. Walk outside (even if it’s to the car and back)
4. Not putting pressure on myself to get better.

Bipolar Disorder is real but extremely manageable. If you have it or if you a have a loved one who has it, know that your life isn’t over. I pray that this explanation helps. I will be praying for everyone who is struggling. Please email me at HarotianEssentials@yahoo.com if you have a prayer request for you or your loved one who is struggling or if you just want to talk or have questions.

Thank you for all your time. I love you all and please remember to pray for one another.

“You are not your illness. You have an individual story to tell. You have a name, a history, a personality. Staying yourself is part of the battle.” ~ Julian Seifter

**Pics and Gifs are borrowed from Google**

September 11, 2018September 11, 2018

September Theme: Who Are We To God? Part 2

Hey Friends,

When I was 12 years old, I found out that I had a family in my hometown on my dad’s side of the family. Just to briefly tell you, my dad is what you would call a rolling stone. (If you don’t know what a “rolling stone” is, please refer to The Temptations Papa Was A Rolling Stone.

I am one of the numerous children spread across the country and needless to say my father was never around. He would come to my town and visit once every couple of years. He would stay a few hours and get back on the road as a commercial truck driver. One day, my father called me and told me that his brother and his wife moved to the city I lived in and they wanted to meet me. I was so excited and nervous at the same time.

After I met them, we immediately clicked. My uncle was like the father I always wanted. He was caring, funny, easy to talk to, and only lived 30 minutes from where my mother and I lived. As the years passed, my uncle would express his distaste for how my father treated me. He promised me on numerous occasions that he would never leave me…that he would always be “my dad”. And although I had my reservations, I trusted him.

A few years had gone by and my aunt and uncle decided to get a divorce. My uncle soon after met his current wife and decided to marry her. Then, I didn’t like his new wife, not because of anything she had done, but because she became the new center of his world and I felt extremely neglected. I thought she was taking my uncle away from me and that he would do to me what my biological father had done to me. So I became bitter.

One day, I decided to express my feelings to my uncle. I let him know that I felt like his new wife was becoming more important than me and my young children, and the reasons why I felt that way. Looking back, I can see how I was being a brat. How I was allowing fear of rejection bring up issues from my biological father and how they were interfering with my relationship with my uncle and his new wife.

He then told me that since I didn’t like his new wife, that I could no longer be in his life. And that he was officially disowning me. At that moment, I’ve never felt so rejected and foolish in my life. I was truly heartbroken. I felt foolish because I knew I shouldn’t have believed him when he told me he would never leave like my father did. I thought I should have trusted my instinct and never allowed him into my heart. Again, I have another “father” who didn’t want me. And for what? What was so wrong with me? What did I do so bad to be disowned by, not one, but two fathers?

After this, I said I would never trust another man ever again. And I didn’t. It’s been 13 years and I still have trust issues when it comes to men and the “promises” that they make.

I started to notice that I began to see God as another man that I couldn’t trust. The only difference is, I love God so much and I want to make sure that I do everything I can so that he doesn’t disown me, too. Every time I would mess up, I would beg God for his forgiveness. I would even mumble under my breath, “Lord please don’t abandon me. I can’t lose you, too.”

This showed that I didn’t have a clear understanding of who God is and who I am to God. Why? Because…

God never breaks a promise – God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through? Numbers 23:19
God promises to never leave us – So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deut. 31:6
He never changes his mind – Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8
God loves us more than we could ever comprehend – But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) Ephesians 2:4-5

Sometimes I still think about the last moment that I had with my uncle. Maybe I could I have said something different. Maybe I could have not said anything at all. I don’t know. I like to believe that everything happens for a reason and maybe one day we could speak to each other again. But until then, I am choosing to rely on the one relationship that I know will never fail, and that is with my Abba Father, my Daddy, my Yahweh, and my Jehovah.

If you have lost a bond or relationship with someone, please know that it will never happen with God. The enemy will try to trick you into believing that you have to be perfect in order for God to love you. But scripture says that God loved you before he even made the world (Ephesians 1:4).

Thank you all for reading my thoughts. I truly appreciate each and every one of you who take the time out to read my mess of a life. I love you, God loves you, and please remember to pray for one another.

“We are saved by how we believe, not by how we behave.” -Neil T. Anderson

September 4, 2018

September Theme: Who Are We To God?

Hey Friends,

This morning, I was thinking about how much we mean to God. Why does he love us so much? Why are we the center of God’s universe?

Did you know that God created us specifically to be with Him?

Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us.” -Genesis 1:26a (emphasis added)

We were made exactly how the Holy Trinity wanted us to be. We were made to be like them. How amazing is that? Did you notice that God said us? Before the beginning of time, God knew exactly how he wanted us to be. This is also why building and maintaining relationships with each other is so important to God.

He loves us so much that he gives us the best gifts a Father can give. He knows the struggles that we face and will always face. He knows that we have an enemy that is constantly after our immortal souls.

God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the goods things he planned for us long ago. -Ephesians 2:8-10

Our lives aren’t about what we can do for ourselves. Our lives are about how we can serve our Abba Father. God only wants us to pursue a relationship with him. That’s all he has ever wanted from us. And when we mess up, he is always there to forgive us and help us to move forward.

We are not our mistakes. We are not our past. We are the children of God…made in his image, to reign forever with him in heaven.

Thank you, God, for the gift of salvation and righteousness. Thank you for putting us above all else, and loving us despite our flaws. Thank you for sacrificing your son, Jesus Christ, to make sure that we receive what you created us for…to live with you for eternity in heaven.

Thank you all for reading my thoughts today. Right now, it is important to me that I understand who I am to God and why I’m so important to him. Maybe if I understand the love he has for me, then I will have the same love for myself. Please remember to pray for one another. Stay safe.

God bestows His blessings without discrimination. The followers of Jesus are children of God, and they should manifest the family likeness by doing good to all, even to those who deserve the opposite. -F.F. Bruce

**Pics borrowed from google**

August 27, 2018

This Sucks Memory Lane

Happy Monday Friends,

I pray that you all had a wonderful weekend.

In the past couple of days, I’ve been forced to look deeper into my heart. Satan has been bringing up old, shameful memories through my loved ones, my ex-husband, even certain smells, and tastes. Have you ever been reminded of a shameful act through something as simple as a taste? It’s a little frustrating, to be honest. The enemy will use all sorts of tricks to pull you down the rabbit hole of “This Sucks” memory lane.

It was easy for him to do because for a brief moment, I forgot that I was forgiven for the sins that I had committed and still continue to commit.

From the beginning of time, God knew who I was going to be. He knew the mistakes that I would make and He knew the trials that I had to face. Yet, he created me anyway. think about that. He knew that I would reject Him and His word. Yet, He created me anyway! He loves us that much.

So, although the enemy will try to use my past against me, God already had a plan to use my past to strengthen me.

When Satan tries to take you down “This Sucks” memory lane, tell that fool to leave you alone because focusing on Christ and looking forward will get you further to God’s heart then looking backward. Jesus prayed that we would experience the same glory that God our Father has given him. And that glory has more value than anything this world or the enemy has to offer you.

Father, I want those whom you have given me to be with me where I am. Then they can see all the glory you gave me because you loved me even before the world began! -John 17:24

Thank you all for reading my thoughts. I pray that you all are growing closer to God to achieve the ultimate goal for His glory. I pray that you all experience his gifts of righteousness, grace, and mercy each day that you wake up. I also pray you are able to feel his presence every day, which is literally the best feeling in the world. Please remember to pray for one another. In Jesus name.

If you make the mistake of looking back too much, you aren’t focused enough on the road in front of you. -Brad Paisley

**pics borrowed from google**

August 15, 2018

The Depth of Relating

Good Day Friends,

I pray everyone is having a wonderful morning. This morning I woke up feeling a mixture of sad and angry. Not sure why, but I refuse to allow those feelings to control my day and how I interact with my loved ones. So, after I sent the kids off to school, I cleaned my house and spent time with Jesus.

He always provides perfect calming methods when things seem like a struggle. This is the best part of having a relationship with Christ. He understands me. He accepts me. During the up and downs, he is always there to comfort me.

This makes me think about personal relationships that we have with each other on earth. There are not that many people willing to go through life’s devastations with you like Jesus does.

There are so many people who want to be in a relationship, but not willing to evolve when the relationship evolves.

Everyone in life will go through a devastation; loss of a loved one, financial hardships, mental or physical illness, etc. It confuses me when people say they want to be in a relationship when they put limitations on what kind of love they accept and receive.

It is my belief that once we understand Gods love, then and only then, will we be able to understand the kind of love we should show others. It’s my personal opinion that ONE of the reasons why God allow people to be single because they haven’t figured out how to love others the way God loves them. And the only way to love others the way God loves us is to allow God to replace your heart with his own.

That means forgiving when you don’t want to forgive. That means loving when you don’t want to love. That means being patient and kind when you don’t want to do that neither. That means being faithful when that person hasn’t been faithful to you. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

He promises that when we display this kind of love, we will be blessed. (Deuteronomy 7:9)

When I’m mad at God, He doesn’t get mad at me back. When I turned my back on Him, He continued to seek me and call out to me. He knows my worth even when I question it on a daily basis. THAT IS LOVE! And that is the love that He wants us to show towards each other.

Jesus is the perfect companion. If you don’t know how to love the only perfect man that walked this earth, then you certainly don’t know how to love an imperfect, broken man or woman of this earth, right?

I have a wonderful husband, but he isn’t perfect. He has made mistakes. Over time, I’ve been able to love him as God loves him, and not put my Expectations of love on him. Every day, I chose to love the man that I’ve woken up to. Sometimes, that’s a different person than yesterday (an example of evolving). It has strengthened our marriage in a way that we could have never done on our own.

For me, staying in God’s word is so important. It is a daily reminder of his love and how I should love. My relationship with Jesus is the driving force behind how I raise my family and interactions with my loved ones.

Thank you, Jesus, for your sacrifice because my life is truly better with you on my side. Thank you all for reading my thoughts. Have a wonderful, blessed day everyone. Love you and remember, please pray for one another.

Whew! I feel better than I did before I started blogging. Thank you, Jesus.

Three things will last forever-faith, hope, and love-and the greatest of these is love. -1 Corinthians 13:13

July 17, 2018July 17, 2018

July Monthly Theme: Emotionally Healing

Hey Friends,

The past few days have been filled with much needed up’s and downs. The ups are always wanted and appreciated, but down days are filled with learning and worship. Does that make sense? I know it may sound crazy, but I’ve learned to take my bad days as learning experiences from God. Like little pop quizzes from what I have learned from good days.

Instead of allowing my mind to be filled with doubt and despair, I’ve learned to rely on the strength of the Lord to get me through. It doesn’t feel like the end of the world anymore. Better yet, it feels like God is giving me more time to correct my life so I can become who he needs me to be for his glory and kingdom.

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My down days have forced me to deal with bitterness that I didn’t know I was harboring. I thought I was over it until my ex-husband decided to make a decision that would not only change the lives of our lovely children but everyone in our family. My ex-husband decided to move to another state despite how it would affect our children. Needless to say, I was angry. Mostly because I knew the pain that my children would feel since I experienced the same abandonment and rejection by my own father.

Right after the move, I concentrated on making sure my children felt loved more than ever. I initially ignored my feelings so I can concentrate on theirs. I felt as though I was over it as the days and months went by because of the feeling of “I want to rip his head off” became less and less. But then, he would say something rude or selfish and those “I hate you” feelings would come rushing back.

Unbeknownst to me, I was becoming bitter. Or maybe I was already bitter and didn’t know how fast it was growing inside of me from the moment I heard “I’m moving!” Recently, I began reading this book called Chaos Beneath The Shade: How To Uproot And Stay Free From Bitterness written by Tracey Bickle. It shined a light on how I truly felt and what I need to do to get over my feelings. I don’t want to “hate” the father of my two oldest children. I most definitely don’t want how I feel to spew out onto them. That would break my heart even more.

So, I’ve come to the realization that I need to heal from the situation. I’m not the first woman to be left to raise her children without the father and unfortunately, I won’t be the last. Plus, I have a wonderful husband who has gladly stepped in to pick up what my ex-husband has left behind. So, first I began to pray, Lord, please heal my heart. Please remove this hatred stirring inside of me. That wasn’t enough though and Tracey Bickle let me know why.

How to Begin to Heal Emotionally

Pray for the person that has wronged you. At first, I didn’t like this idea, but there are a couple of reasons why praying for the person that has hurt is effective:
- Forgiveness breaks the cycle- So my children won’t be affected
- When you consistently pray for them, your heart will begin to heal itself
- Jesus said so…But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! -Matthew 5:44
- Why did Jesus say so? Because “If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much.” Matthew 5:46
- “[Forgiveness] softens our heart to see the temporary nature of the conflict.” -Tracey Bickle
Going through the process of forgiveness is helping you trust God and because you are being obedient, He will bless you. He will then hold the person who offended you accountable for their own actions. “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;” -Luke 6:37
Talk it out. Seek counseling or talk to someone who you trust that would be able to help you look at the bigger picture. We need those who can see what we don’t and with compassion, tenderness, and kindness, they can help us walk through it.
Let it go. It was hard for me to let go because I felt like he is “getting away with” abandoning his responsibilities, while he’s living his best life; doing as he pleases when he pleases. But I have to trust that God will hold him accountable for the real reason that he left. “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” -1 Timothy 5:8

Simply put, this is not my fight, nor my worry anymore. I love my children more than anything! I will do anything for them to have great lives. And if that means letting go of the bitterness that I hold against their father, then I HAVE to do that. Plus, bitterness causes illness and I’m already sick enough, so this is my declaration that I am letting it go.

Thank you all for reading my thoughts. I pray that if you are holding onto any bitterness from someone that has hurt you, that you are able to hand it over to God so you can begin to heal. I love you all. Please remember to pray for one another.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. -Ephesians 4:32

**Pictures borrowed from google pics*

June 3, 2018June 3, 2018

I Would Like To Order The Early Bird Special, Please!

Hello Friends,

I saw a video on Facebook this morning that I couldn’t stop thinking about. I don’t remember the creator of the video, so know that the information that I’m about to lay on you didn’t come from me. Then again, are any of our ideas original?

Let’s call him, “Mr. Monk”. He said that the most successful people in the world wake up extremely early. “Mr. Monk” said that he lived as a monk (thus the nickname) for three years, which forced him to wake up every morning at 4am to meditate and do whatever monks do. He even said that some monks would wake up as early as 2am. Yikes! “Mr. Monk” went on to use successful people, such as, Michelle Obama, who is working out by 4am.

Apple CEO Tim Cook wakes up at 3:45 a.m and begins working on his emails.

Xerox CEO Ursula Burns rises at 5:15 a.m. to email and work out.

…for examples. I’ve always wanted to be an early riser. I remember being a teenager and I would watch my younger cousin wake up 2 hours before she had to be at work at 10 a.m. just to get her day started. I was always the last minute sleeper. I would wait until, literally, the very last minute I had to wake up in order to get to work during the 7-minute window they gave us to be late without getting in trouble.

Later in life, I noticed that I used to sleep as a coping skill to get through moments in my life. If I was sad, I would sleep. If I were angry, I would sleep. If I didn’t want to be bothered, I would sleep. Starting as a child into adulthood, I slept to escape the realities of mental illness. If I was asleep, I didn’t have to do or think about anything.

I remember when I began down this road of Seeking God (click the link to catch up), I desired to be an early riser. Mental and physical illness prevented me from doing so. When my Lupus symptoms started to get under control, it was more so the mental hell that I was living in that kept me captive in the bed. I slept not to feel shame, guilt, and rejection.

Then one day, out of the blue, I woke up around 6 a.m. while the kids were still asleep and spent the next hour and 45-minutes with God, reading my bible and journaling. It was truly a miracle. My body wasn’t stiff and in pain. My chest wasn’t caved in from anxiety. There weren’t the normal sounds of grunting, ooohhs, and aaahhhs. I felt…regular.

This gave me hope that I can have more days like this again. Soon afterward, I fell into a Lupus flare, but it didn’t matter. I did it!

“Mr. Monk” asked, what would you do if you were deposited $86,400 into your bank account each day. The catch is at the end of the day that it would disappear. But the same $86,400 would reappear the next morning. What would you do? Would you spend it on yourself? Would you spend it on other people? Would you invest it? Would you leave it sitting there untouched completely? My answer was, “darn skippy I would spend it, then invest it, duh! Every last penny. Then, do it all over the next day.”

Then he said, turn that same $86,400 into 86,400 seconds into your life account. What would you do then? What would you do? Would you spend it on yourself? Would you spend it on other people? Would you invest it? Would you leave it sitting there untouched completely? My answer completely changed.

I realized that God has been putting 86,400 seconds into my life account each day. Most days I use maybe 8,000 seconds, maybe!…other days I prefer to use none. When I fact, I could use most of it to help shape the world. Just as I would use the $86,400 to better the lives of my children and loved ones, I should use some of the 86,400 seconds from God to help better the lives of those same people (well most of it with the proper rest, of course).

Bringing awareness to God’s grace and salvation has become a goal of mine. Now that I know what is a stake, I can’t allow the seconds that God is gifting me to go unused any longer. I want to be able to be like most successful people in the world; wake up, do what needs to be done for the people who are defenseless to do it for themselves.

I no longer want to use sleep as an escape from reality. Now I’ve found more of a reason to do so. It’s funny how God will use non-believers to make a point and pull your attention back to the original plan of what he has designed you for. I’m not sure if “Mr. Monk” is a non-believer, but he definitely delivered a message from no one other than God.

I pray that each of you feels Gods unconditional love throughout the day. No matter your circumstances, you find peace in his glory, rest in his love, and comfort in knowing that you are a child of God.

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing…” -Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

**Just a reminder, images and gif’s are not my own**

May 16, 2018May 16, 2018

May is Mental Health Awareness

Hey Friends,

So, last week I blogged about how May is Lupus Awareness Month, but many of you may know that it is also Mental Health Awareness month. Fortunately, I struggle with both Lupus and mental illness.

Yep! You read that correctly, I said “fortunately”. Why would I feel fortunate to have both a physical illness and a mental illness? It doesn’t make sense. I must be plum crazy right?

We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us. -2 Corinthians 1:7

Well, if it weren’t for my current circumstance, I would have never found a reason to draw closer to the Lord. Some people like to call it “hitting rock bottom”. I became so depressed, I had no other choice but to seek God’s grace and beg for him to either take the illness’ away or help me cope with it.

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. -1 Thessalonians 5:18

Happy National Day of Prayer

Hey friends!

Prayer has been a huge part of my life. I haven’t always been a prayer warrior, but after it saved my life (along with the love of Jesus, of course), I’ve been talking to God all day, every day. There is so much to pray for, nowadays. We pray for our finances, we pray for our children, and we pray for each other, but it seems our nations need prayer more than ever before.

The National Day of Prayer is an annual day of observance in the United States, held on the first Thursday of May to come together and pray for our nation. If you don’t live under a rock, I’m sure you’ve heard about the countless murders and suicides happening all over the world. This is a sign that people are hurting, more than ever before, and the only solution they seem to have is to hurt someone else or themselves.

So, please join me in praying for our nation and our fellow sisters and brothers.

This prayer was sent to me by a sister in Christ from my church. It is so powerful, I thought I would share it.

Our Dear Heavenly Father, while we come to You in complete humility, we also come to You with boldness in the authoritative name of Your One and Only Son, Jesus Christ, who is the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world. In Jesus’ name, fill us now with Your Holy Spirit and lead us as we pray in Jesus’ name for America.

Oh God, we are burdened for our nation today. We turn from the sins that we have committed against your Word and your Name. We turn away from our contentious words and ways toward one another that has led us to division and polarization. We turn away from our disrespect and lack of dignity toward each other, and we turn away from our continual devaluation of all human life from the womb until death in this world. We also turn away from and refuse to participate in skepticism, criticism, and cynicism in our nation. We turn away from anything that divides us, and we run toward the gospel of Jesus Christ that is the only thing that has the power to unite us together.

Lord, in this critical hour in our nation, we pray for unity in America. Only You can bring unity, harmony, and oneness in America. As your Word calls us in Ephesians 4:3, “Making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace”, we ask You to empower us to make every effort to live in unity, to call for unity, and to forward unity in America continually.

We pray for the churches in America to unify in Jesus Christ and to pray as one unified spiritual family for America. May Your Church pray for America passionately, perpetually, privately, and publicly.

We pray for God’s power to unify families, workplaces, communities, and cities in America. By Your Spirit, lead us to forgiveness, reconciliation, healing, and unity.

We pray for people of all ethnicities and races in America to come together as one, living in peace and unity together. Oh Lord, because each of us is created in Your image, please give us the courage to stand against all racial and ethnic division, denouncing it as evil and sinful, while simultaneously coming together in unity with all persons knowing this is God’s will for us.

We pray in unity for the security of our nation. We ask You to preserve the United States of America from the forces of evil that are threatening our lives and our future. God, please guard all persons in public and private settings from anyone or anything that desires to harm us or take our lives. Our future is in Your hands.

We agree clearly, unite visibly, and pray extraordinarily for the next Great Spiritual Awakening in America. Oh Lord, wake up Your church spiritually and convict Your people to agree clearly, unite visibly, and pray extraordinarily until the next Great Spiritual Awakening occurs in our generation.

Oh God, we stand together upon Your words in Psalm 133:1, “How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony.” Through Jesus’ name and by the Holy Spirit’s power, we pray for all Americans to unify and to live together in unity.

In the mighty and majestic name of Jesus Christ who is the Only Savior and the Only Hope in this world, we pray. Amen.

If you don’t live in the United States, you can pray this prayer for your country, or even better, for the world.

I also pray that everyone who is reading this is blessed with Your love and comfort, God. I ask you, Abba Father, to be with those who need you, those who are crying out for you. Your love is more precious than anything of this world, and I pray that you show your unconditional love to all of your children during this time of confusion. Amen

“Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.” -2 Chronicles 7:14

December 27, 2017April 14, 2018

Turning Tragedy Into Triumph: How To Live Your Best Life Amid Turmoil

It’s 1pm and my house is completely quiet right now, which is unusual since the kids are on Christmas break. They are sound asleep because we allowed them to stay up until 5 o’clock this morning (a luxury only given during prolonged school breaks). Even our pet Guinea pig, Sasha, is quietly nestled under her pink, plastic hut. Meanwhile, I’m comfortably sitting on my sofa enjoying the sweet smell of pomegranate oil and the soothing, soft glow from my candles.

The reason for this rare, joyous occasion is our internet is down due to the extreme cold in my area. I am literally forced to become disconnected from the world. I am left to come up with other ways to entertain myself or keep myself busy. I now realize how dependent I’ve become on the internet. It makes me feel happy and sad at the same time. Happy because I’ve been able to get back to doing things I used to love, like handwriting this blog post or reading a paperback book. It forgot the wonderful scent of stale paper from a paperback book, especially a classic. Sad feeling because I am a little ashamed of how I’ve allowed the world to influence so much of my life. It would explain a lot actually.

This time of reflection has gifted me with the ability to share with you guys ways we can turn our tragedies into triumphs. I’ve discussed before ways that you can look at the bright side of any situation, but this is more specific. I used to ask myself, when will this all end? When will the suffering stop? I’ve come to the conclusion that it will never stop. There will always be pain. There will always be suffering. The only action that you can control is how you react to unfortunate circumstances that may occur in your life.

I figure the best way to live your best life during tragedies is to turn them into triumphs. Imagine dancing in the rain during the worst storm of your life. This is turning tragedy into triumph and here is how you can.

Embrace Your Journey: Sometimes, the things we want to hurt the most. When going through a traumatic moment in life, we tend to feel sorry for ourselves. It’s normal. Our brains are just trying to make sense of it all, but you have to know that your journey is NOT your destination. Example: Let’s say you have a goal of climbing Mount Everest. There is so much training and preparation that one would have to achieve in order to make it to the top; condition training, physical and mental training, planning the route, knowing the terrain and weather condition, etc. It is a lot of hard work. A mountain climber wouldn’t complain about the journey he/she has to take to make it. They just do it. They know that once they make it to the top and look down at the world, the journey was well worth it.
Acknowledge that what you are going through will not last forever: Everyday that we wake up, we have a choice to fight depression, anxiety, heartache, loss, illness, etc. Making that choice will lead you to your desired destination. I’m sure we’ve all heard that saying, “The best part about hitting rock bottom is the only destination from there is up.”
Look forward to the future: Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING last forever (well maybe McDonald’s french fries and roaches). What you are going through will not last forever. Imagine how it’s going to feel when you finally reach the top of your mountain. I’ve learned to always look up at my destination and NEVER look down at my past. Looking up only gives you the motivation to continue the climb to the top.
It is ok to NOT understand: There are things you may not understand about your journey until you have endured it, suffered through it, cried through it, made mistakes in it, had setbacks in it, almost collapse in it, almost ran from it, etc. Experience has a way of making us stronger and more resilient. So, if ever you were to experience tragedy again, you are better equipped to deal with it. If you are reading this, you are stronger than you were yesterday. You chose to get up and do something. I’m proud of you!
Tribulation will teach you patience: The worse part of my journey is being patient. I know great things are ahead. I know that my circumstances will get better, but I am the kind of person that has always lacked patience. This journey is teaching me that all great things come to those who are patient enough to push through. I like to read inspirational stories about people who never gave up because if they can be strong, then I know I can as well.
Embrace your experiences: Experiences are important because the experience will give you hope and if you have hope, you have access to the universe. There will be times when you feel like you will never move past your circumstances, but if you continue on your journey and don’t give up, it will get better. Your circumstances will change. When you have experience, you will no longer endure being drug into moments of hopelessness and despair. You’ll know through experience that God has your back and will bring you out of it, as He has done so many times before.
Acknowledge the darkness only to conquer it: There is a darkness lingering around humanity. Negative energy is so powerful because it is easy to give into our dark desires; drugs, alcohol, hate, fear, anxiety. If we acknowledge the presence of negative energy, then we are able to fight it, not sit in it. Example: If you are aware that you have diabetes and still choose to eat sweets, then you are giving in to the desire of the disease, hence becoming sick. If you are aware that you have diabetes and you choose to eat right and take the proper medications, then you will feel better.
Stand strong in the fire: The fighting process gives you the drive and commitment to stand the pressure. The most dangerous thing is achieving a goal that you didn’t deserve because the process prepares us for the power that you need to stand your ground and never let it go. When you fight for what you want, you won’t let anyone take it from you.
Believe in Gods promise for you: Your enemies want you to be stuck in a situation that is beneath the promise God has in store for you. Your enemies do not want you to succeed, but God’s greatest presence is when all hell is breaking loose. I am living breathing walking proof of this fact. Click the link to read how God appeared to me while I was having thoughts of suicide and self-loathing here, Letting Go, Letting God. God promises that He will never leave us or forsake us. He also promises that we will live eternally through Jesus’ name. That all of our worries will be accounted for and dismissed. Believe that your life is not meant to stay in turmoil, but yet it’s meant for all things great and wonderful. “Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.” -Psalm 62:8

Tragedies are hard to get through, especially when the “light at the end of the tunnel” seems so far away. No matter what anyone says, you can turn your tragedies into spectacular wonders and blunders to tell future generations. Allow your journey to be a life lesson for yourself and for other people. Remember, great warriors always have the best stories to tell.

“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”-Albert Camus