Author: Healing with Harotian

Hey Friends! I love tacos, all things sweet, and Jesus. Join me in this wild ride we call life.
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Phenomenal Woman, That’s me!

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As I type this, I am struggling with a couple of health issues that has me bedridden; kidney infection and a lupus flare.  Although, I am really proud of myself for getting a few things crossed off of my to-do list, including getting prepared for a much-anticipated surgery this upcoming Monday.

Since I’m not feeling well, today’s post will be fairly short and easy, but inspirational. I want to share a very special poem that I like to recite to myself whenever I feel overwhelmed and unable to push through the day. 

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Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,   

The stride of my step,   

The curl of my lips.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,   

That’s me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,   

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.   

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.   

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,   

And the flash of my teeth,   

The swing in my waist,   

And the joy in my feet.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered   

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,   

They say they still can’t see.   

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,   

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed.   

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.   

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,   

The bend of my hair,   

the palm of my hand,   

The need for my care.   

’Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me!

Always remember, whether you’re a woman or man, boy or girl, young or old, YOU ARE LOVED! YOU ARE STRONG! YOU ARE PHENOMENAL!

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” -Isaiah 41:10

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They Tried to Kill Me!: How To Become Your Own Advocate

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Yep! You read it correctly. They tried to kill me. Who is “they” you ask? One of the major hospitals in my city. I went to the emergency room because I was having extreme pain, nausea, vomiting, and few other annoying symptoms that I experience a lupus flare.

Anyone who lives with a chronic illness knows that this process is very tedious and frustrating. I mean, who wants to spend a beautiful day cooped in a room, hooked up to machines that beep every 2 minutes while lying on a yoga mat they call a bed. Lord knows I love that I have the right to go to a hospital to get treated for any problems that I may be having. I fully understand that there are so many people around the world, including some of my fellow Americans in Puerto Rico, who do not have access to health care of any kind; just know I am explaining, not complaining. I digress.

So, the doctor immediately began treating me for the pain. I really can’t remember if I wasn’t paying attention or if he wasn’t fully explaining what was about to happen next. So, I really don’t want to blame him for malpractice if possibly, my thoughts were louder than his voice. I was in so much pain, that I didn’t notice the nurse come in and attached Ketamine to my IV (intravenous therapy). I don’t remember the dosage, I just remember what came 5 minutes after she left. I felt this high that I can only describe as the very first time I smoked marijuana. It was a familiar high. Five minutes after that, I began to feel a high I can only describe as a heroin high. Now, I have never ever in my life taken heroin. I’m just saying, based off of what I’ve seen in person, it felt how a heroin addict would look when they’re finishing that first injection.

In elementary school, when D.A.R.E. officers came in and told us, students, that drugs would kill us, I believed them. It has always been in my head that drugs=death. That’s a little weird to admit, but I’m sure it’s saved my life a few times. I’ve never thought about, dreamed about, or wondered a little bit about what those kinds of drugs would feel like. The strongest drug I’ve ever taken was Percocet 7.5/325mg, I even hate that! So, needless to say, drugs aren’t my thing. *Disclaimer: Marijuana is not a drug, it is a plant.* Sorry, I digress again.

This Ketamine high was absolutely horrific. First, my body felt like it was melting all over the hospital bed, I was so relaxed. Then, I started laughing hysterically like something was funny. No one said anything! I was just laughing, like, “Joker from Batman” laughing. Then, I began hallucinating, but that didn’t last long. Not compared to how long my body felt lifeless, like I was dead. Not to mention my heart rate went up. I was terrified. I’ve never felt anything like it. And the worst part, it only took away my pain for 30 minutes. 30 Minutes! I was high as a kite for almost 24 hours after that. Early, next day, I remember feeling like I was floating through space.

Come to find out, the nurse had the IV drip up way too high, so there was fluid entering my bloodstream faster than it was supposed to. So, instead of the medication entering my body at squirt gun rate, it’s entering my body at a water hose rate. Oh, and did I mention that I’m currently weighing in at 105 pounds?

This experience taught me so many lessons and I want to share them with you. Even if you do not struggle with a chronic illness, please use this as an example, even if it’s just for a check-up.

BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE

You know your body better than anyone! Medical doctors may be experts in their field, but you’re an expert on you. Below is a list of ways to help you become your own advocate

Ask Questions 

It’s true. There is no such thing as a stupid question. Especially when it comes to your health. No matter how big or small, crazy or sane, ask your questions, all of them. Gain as much knowledge as you possibly can so you can have a full understanding of what you are growing through.

Write everything down 

Keep track of all important documents and what you and your doctor discussed that day. Also, keep track of conversations that you may have had over the phone with one of your doctors’ nurses or supporting medical staff. This really helps if you have multiple doctors. If you’re like me, I talk to so many different people, it’s hard to keep track.

Keep a list of current/past medications 

Doctors are human, they make mistakes. One mistake that they can possibly make is prescribing a new medication that may counteract your current medication(s). So when they say, “We’re going to start you on (name of medication).” You can say, “Will it counteract any of my current medications?”

Know and respect your limit 

If they want to perform invasive procedures on you and you’re not comfortable, don’t let them do it. Express your concern. If you feel like you’re not getting heard, get another opinion.

Keep A Journal

 Write down your feelings. Write down your goals. Write down anything that you feel is in important for your recovery. That way, you’re not just keeping track of your body’s needs, but also your minds need as well.

 

I may have exaggerated a little. They really didn’t try to kill me. It was an oversight made by the nurse. Although, if I would have known the above and did a little research on my smartphone, that could have been avoided altogether. For now on, I’m making sure I know everything there is to know about the health care plans my physicians have for me.

 

“Oh, no, not I! I will survive. Oh, as long as I know how to love I know I’ll stay alive. I’ve got all my life to live. I’ve got all my love to give. And I’ll survive, I will survive, hey, hey.” -Gloria Gaynor

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6 Ways to Manage Your Emotions

Are you emotional wreck? Hell, right now, I am. I’ve always been a pretty sensitive person, but because of some of life’s challenges, I learned a long time ago how to hide my emotions from everyone. At the time, I thought I was managing them, when in fact, they were just being stored away in a very dark place.

When I was 15 years old, I began to notice that I was different from other people, very different. How I felt, what I liked, even my philosophy on life and it’s meaning, was very different from everyone else around me. I began to think that there was something wrong with me and this thought would eventually manifest into deeper, darker thoughts.

Since this year has been the most trying time of my 32 years of life, I have been forced to address emotions that I thought were long gone. When I first became sick, I was bedridden. Without realizing, I allowed the fear and uncertainty of Lupus cloud my judgment and my mind. I allowed negative thoughts to replace any hope I had of becoming healthy again, which exposed a lot of those old, buried feelings. I slowly began drowning without being consciously aware of it. I’m sure that’s why they say it’s never a good idea to have an idle mind. Thoughts can creep into your mind that will have you convinced that everything that you knew about yourself is a complete lie. Thus, becoming an emotional wreck.

Lately, I’ve had to practice how to handle my emotions, old and new, and I would love to share what has worked for me. So, below is a list of ways that you can keep your emotions in check.

  1. Know Your Triggers

We all have emotional triggers. Emotional triggers are situations or people that have the ability to cause a negative emotional response. For you, an emotional trigger can be friends, family members, or even the upcoming holidays. We may not have the ability to avoid our triggers, but we can certainly learn to live with them without becoming overwhelmed.

Once you are aware of your triggers, you can then deal with them accordingly. Remember, do what is best for you! If you need to remove yourself from the situation, do so. If you need to seek counseling or a support group to help you through dealing with the trigger(s) that just won’t go away, like a family member or boss, do it. Your emotional stability is what is most important.

  1. Don’t react right way

Have you ever lost your temper in a drop of a hat? Some of us *cough, cough* have the tendency to overreact while in the midst of emotional turmoil. Someone can say that one thing to drive you nuts, and then bam, you’re yelling and screaming, probably saying things you’ll later regret.

It’s better for your emotional state if you stepped back for a moment to ask yourself, “Is this worth getting upset over? Is this worth disturbing my peace over?” I’ll let you know right now, 8 out 10 times, the answer is no. Well, at least with me. When I think about it, there are very few people that are worth me compromising my peace of mind over, but admittingly, I am still a work a progress.

  1. Change Your Thoughts

I’ve spoken about this so many times. It’s really important that you have healthy positive thoughts. So, whenever you find yourself in emotional hell, you will already be convinced that you are awesome and strong and that you will get through whatever is happening at the time. Negative thoughts will no longer have room in your mind. You can change your thoughts by listening to inspirational speeches, reading motivational literature, or church.

  1. Do something that you love

When you’re immersed in something that you are passionate about and that you are focused on, your mind will be too occupied to become sad. Doing what you love uplifts and motivates you in ways that wouldn’t be able to imagine. It is also a great coping skill to get you through rough moments.

Do what you love as often as you can. That way, whenever you’re going through a rough patch, it’ll be second nature to jump straight into a healthy coping mechanism.

  1. See the bigger picture

One of my favorite sayings is, “There are 3 sides to every story; yours, theirs, and the truth.” Whatever may have happened to trigger a negative emotional response, try to step back to view the entire picture. For example, let’s say your co-worker comes into work upset with an attitude. It’s normally not like her because she usually comes in happy and chipper. She’s really not talking to you or giving you much attention. You could either take it personally and assume her attitude has to do with you, or you could try to consider other reasons why she’s being snappy. You never know what people are going through behind closed doors. Be a friend. Find out. Show support.

  1. Meditate

I am a huge fan of meditation. Sometimes I pray during mediation, sometimes I work on redirecting my busy thoughts. Mediation is a great tool to use due to some of its great benefits:

-reducing stress

-improving concentration

-practicing increase of self-awareness

-reducing depression and anxiety

If you take 5-10 minutes out of your day to meditate, you will begin to see a significant improvement when trying to get your emotions under control. People say it’s too hard because they are unable to get there brain to shut off. Meditation is not about getting your brain to turn off, but more about training your brain to redirect itself when you begin thinking about chores or errands or anything outside of self-improvement and growth.

Some days I don’t have to think twice about how to handle my emotions, but other days, I need to refer back to this list. It has been helping me real my emotions in when I feel they are out of control,  so I really hope it’s able to help you.

Do you have anything that helps you keep your emotions in check? Drop a comment below to let us know. I’m down for all suggestions. Again, I’m a work in progress *cough, cough*

“As you heal, you see yourself more realistically. You accept that you are a person with strengths and weaknesses. You make the changes you can in your life and let go of the things that aren’t in your power to change. You learn that every part of you is valuable. And you realize that all of your thoughts and feelings are important, even when they’re painful or difficult.” -Ellen Bass, Beginning to Heal

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Thank You!

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Today, I woke to find that 21 awesome people decided to follow my blog. It may not seem like a lot to some people, but I can’t tell you enough how excited I am that you guys find what I am saying interesting enough to say, “Hey, I want to know what she’s going to write about next.”

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By simply pressing that wonderful “follow” button, you all have given me, even more, motivation to use this platform to share my life’s experiences in hopes that someone, anyone can relate and learn from my very hard lessons.

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Thank you all so much for reading my words, my thoughts, my feelings, and my struggles. You all have truly become apart of my inspiration. I’m still new at this, so please feel free to leave comments on any opinion you have; good or bad! I love all constructive criticism. It allows me to grow which will lead to a successful career in…..whatever I’m trying to be successful at. Haha 🙂 Thank you, wonderful 21. Our family will only continue to grow from here.

“Here’s to those who inspire you and don’t even know it.” -Anonymous

 

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Sun Ray Kisses

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I feel like today was specifically made just for me.

As I feel the cool breeze shuffling through my soft sweater and baggy sweatpants, the warm sun is adding a beautiful glow to my melanin

The sounds of my little people calling my name is like hearing an angel sing

I no longer take for granted the joy of watching my kids jump, climb, and sprint through the wild dangers of the playground

I can’t help but feel like this is God’s way of answering my prayers in abundance

Today my mountains became ant hills, my worries became ambitions, my fear became non-existent

The sun has risen just for me

The sunlight hugs me, embraces me, to let me know that she has missed me.

I soak up all of her love because I’ve missed her too

 

“I decided to fly through the air and live in the sunlight and enjoy life as much as I could.” -Evel Knievel 

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11 Ways to Self Motivation

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One of the struggles that I face dealing with a chronic illness, is the idea that being sick will be the rest of my life. I began to feel like waking up with aching pains, eating only broth because it is all my body can handle, the rashes and constant infections, the extreme fatigue, expensive medications…will be the rest of my life? I slowly began to see more darkness than light. The light became so dim, that I thought I couldn’t see it at all. I even began to allow the darkness to completely take over me, but then I had a quick and swift wake up call. I will share this “wake up call”  in a future blog post. Honestly, it’s still so fresh and new, I’m not quite ready to share it with the world. That wound needs to heal first. Although it was a tough lesson to learn, I am so grateful that I learned it. It gave me the push I needed to attempt to climb out of the darkness.

 

The first step for me was to write down what I want; what are my short-term and long-term goals. I then folded up the ‘long-term’ list and placed it in a safe spot. I didn’t want to obsess about not meeting my long-term goals while in the middle of accomplishing my short-term goals. I am definitely the kind of person that attempts to rush the process. I’m working on that as well. My short-term goals are very simple. Sometimes I feel like they’re too simple.Then I remembered what once I have accomplished even the smallest goal, it will then give me the courage to conquer the next one. I did this to show myself that there are things to live for and not allow darkness to swallow me whole. See, darkness convinces you that you are not worthy of being great. Darkness tricks you into believing that your circumstance will never get better and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. I digress.

 

One of my short-term goals is to lower my stress. There are many causes of a lupus flare, one being stress. Honestly, I’m sure it is a large part as to why I experience a lot of flares. One way that I am lowering my stress is listening to motivational videos and speakers. I’ve mentioned it in a couple of posts before, so this should let you know how beneficial and awesome I think it is. I’ve honestly learned to have more confidence in my ability to move past what I am going through in this season of my life. I usually listen to random speakers on YouTube, but there is one speaker in particular that grabbed my attention the very first time I heard one of this speeches and I wanted to share it with you. 6 Keys to Self Motivation by Les Brown has given me the motivation is rise above my circumstance and get through this season of my life. Les Brown is a motivational speaker, author, radio personality, former television host, and former member of the Ohio House of Representatives. He has inspired millions of people around the world to improve the quality of their lives. Here I am talking like I’m a walking billboard. Honestly, I’ve just heard of this guy and I want as many people to know about him as possible. If you’re struggling to find motivation for anything, this is definitely for you. Below is a breakdown

11 Keys to Self Motivation by Les Brown  

1. Self-Mastery

–You must always continue to work on yourself to achieve self-mastery

-The greatest human ability is being able to become more. Ex. A dog can’t be anything other than a dog. A tree can’t be anything other than a tree.

-You have unlimited potential

-Find something that you’re passionate about

-Find something that gives you a strong sense of completion in order to develop your reputation

-You can work on yourself by reading books that inspire you, listen to motivational audio first to start your day. Your mind is more reception in the morning.

2. Live with Passion and Energy

-Make a conscious effort to be lively

-Stay away from negative and toxic people

-SMILE!

-We have a lot to be grateful for

-Your level of passion and energy determines how much you will accomplish and how well you can do it

3. Know What You Want

-What do you want? Be specific

-The more you are aware of what exactly you want, your subconscious will begin to align with what you want

-Write it down and keep it with you. Writing is an exercise that engages your subconscious mind

-Read it every morning, noon, and night. Reading causes you to focus and concentrate on what you want

-When doubt begins to cloud your mind to tell us we can’t accomplish our goals, this practice will help you focus and discipline your thinking to more positive thoughts

-You are powerful!

-You are a miracle worker!

-Self-doubt has conditioned your mind to forget this

4. Develop a Health Plan

-You can’t feel well and do well if you’re not healthy

-Respect your body because you are worth it

-Your body is the only vehicle you have to get you through this life

5. Monitor Your Inner Conversations

-Take charge of your inner thoughts

-Don’t listen to self-doubt

-When they pop up, change your thoughts

6. Visualize

-See yourself beyond your circumstance with the challenge already resolved

-Think about how you will feel once your goal has been accomplished

7. Know That You Have a Purpose

–Write down 5 reasons why you deserve your goal

-When your having self-doubt, read your 5 reasons why you deserve your goal as a reminder

-Know that life can be tough with challenging moments

-You need a purpose in your life to get through the tough times.

*Your purpose can be anything. God speaks of serving others if you need a place to start*

8. Master Your Skill

-Increase your level of confidence by finding something that you are passionate about and become the best at it

-Only compete with yourself and no one else

9. Be Relentless

-Recognize that you will go through hard times

-It doesn’t matter how hard you get hit, but that you get up to continue the fight

-In the face of hard times, BE RELENTLESS!

10. Take Action

-Don’t wait for the “right time”

-The ideal situation does not exist

-Take action now towards your goals

-If you believe it, you can see it

-Don’t become discouraged if others do not see what you see

11. Focus On Something Larger Than Yourself

-Find a cause to contribute to that makes a difference

-It will drive you to become more, to become better.

“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” Les Brown

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Need Fuel? 12 Inspiring Quotes To Get You Through the Day

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We have all bad days, don’t we? You guys know I have. One way that I have shared getting through difficult moments in my life is listening and memorizing motivational speeches and quotes. It helps replace my negative thoughts with positive ones. Since I’ve been practicing this, I find myself being more positive whenever a discouraging thought pops into my mind. Experts now say that it takes 21 days to form a habit. So, 21 days of replacing negative thoughts with more inspiring ones are definitely something that will help defeat depression in the long run. 

Some people believe that words are powerless, but we should know better by now that words have the power to hurt, heal, hinder, harm, humiliate, and humble. We all have heard the saying “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” This couldn’t be furthest from the truth. Hurtful words having started wars, destroyed families, and has caused unimaginable pain.

We now live in a world where everyone’s words are being read online every day, all day. In my opinion, we have more social interactions online than in-person interactions. Think about it. We communicate a lot via social media, blog outlets, emails, and text messages. We have the ability to communicate with millions of people simultaneously in a matter of seconds. What a time to be alive, right? We spend a lot of time reading other people’s thoughts and opinions, good and bad. My experience with social media has been egregious. It is actually one of the reason’s why I decided to start a blog. I want to spread more positivity vibes online, since as a society, we spend so much time on here. I’ve noticed that there a lot of people who would rather spread more negative energy than positive energy, but that’s not what I want for our children and the following generations to come. I want them to understand that words are powerful; written, typed, said aloud; they are powerful. As human beings, we should uplift and help each other get through this thing called life.  Below are a few words by some really awesome people who figured out how to overcome the negative energy and push forward. Please judge the message, not the messenger.

“Once you choose hope, anything is possible.” -Christopher Reeves

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. only through experience of trial and suffering can the Soul be strengthened, Vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” -Helen Keller

“Getting better from depression demands a lifelong commitment. I’ve made that commitment for my life’s sake and for those who love me.” -Susan Polis Schutz

“A positive attiitude gives you power over your circumstance, instead of your circumstances having power over you.” -Joyce Meyer

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually fear that you will make one.” -Elbert Hubbard

“Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail.” -Nelson Mandela

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.” -Vivian Greene

“Always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and twice as beautiful as you’ve ever imagined.” – Dr Suess

“Never be limited by others people limited imaginations.” -Dr Mae Jemison

“Success is to be measured  not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.” -Booker T Washington

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person and some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” -Former President Barack Obama

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Ah Ha! There’s My Motivation!

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Recently, I’ve been pushed to the edge. So far so, I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it back. Then, I was given a sudden reminder of why I’m fighting this fight in the first place; my family. It may sound a little cliche, but my children are the most important aspects of my life; emotionally, physically, spiritually. God trusted me to raise these beautiful people to value their lives and to serve humanity as instructed by God. But I can’t do any of that if my head is unstable. I’ll admit it. I’ve allowed people and circumstances to stress me out so much, I lost sight of why I was fighting. Now, after support from my husband, family members, and God, I was able to see why I NEED to fight.

I made a list of Daily Goals that I have to do no matter what, no excuses. There are only about 7 small tasks, but when I accomplish one, I feel even more inspired to accomplish the others. Hopefully, this will lead to my list growing with more difficult tasks that will lead to accomplishing my goals, thus getting the breath of air I spoke about in my last post Living with Depression. I know, once I catch the first breath after drowning for so long, I will be able to swim to land in no time and that moment….that moment is THE MOMENT! that will define the rest of this journey.

One item on my list is to listen to motivational speeches. It’s a way to get pumped up in the morning to start my day. When I’m in pain, I’ve begun a terrible habit of concentrating on that pain and the more I would concentrate on it, the more it would hurt. Then I would give myself excuses as to why I shouldn’t get up. Then…my mind would wonder to even darker places. It was a bad cycle. So, motivational videos help replace those negative thoughts. I’m too busy listening to what they are saying to listen to my own thoughts. Eventually, my thoughts will become those of the motivational speakers and I would no longer need to listen to them, well, maybe not as often.

I would like to share a video that really helped me get over a couple of fears I am having about moving forward. Take a listen and maybe it could help you as well. Sorry, I could only post the link that’ll take you to YouTube. Thanks for understanding 🙂

FIND YOURSELF MOTIVATIONAL VIDEO 2017

“Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” -Francis of Assisi

 

Side Note* I just became extremely overwhelmed while writing this. I began thinking, “what am I doing?” ,”whos going to read this?”, “people won’t like this”, “this is too much information I’m sharing.” <—– It’s these thoughts that confirm why I should continue to share my thoughts, as crazy as they may seem.  There has to be someone out there that can relate, right? 

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Living with Depression

Emotionally, today was a rough day for me. Lately, I’ve been feeling this doom cloud hovering over me every second of every day. Depression is apart of my life, full time. Meaning, it is something that has not gone away and most likely will not go away. Like any illness, it can be a struggle if not properly maintained. People who don’t understand try to offer what they think is great advice; “pray, think happy thoughts, try not to stress, try not to worry.” Anyone who lives with depression knows it’s not something you can “get over”. It is literally a chemical imbalance in the brain. Some are fortunate enough that they don’t have highs and lows. They can change their diet, meditate a little and they’re back to normal. People like me, it’s not so easy. Sometimes the emotions are so strong, it feels like daggers are constantly moving in and out of your mind and body.

Today, I had a bit of a meltdown. I’ve always been pretty good at explaining my feelings, but for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been at a lost for words, until today. It was something that my husband said that made the floodgates open and my emotions and words were finally in sync.

Have you ever felt like you were drowning? Like, your entire life is engulfed in water and you fight every day, all day just to try to get your head above water. Not even your head, maybe just your face. You know that if you get one breath, one inhale, then you’ll have more strength to pull yourself out of the water completely. You have people around you who try to understand by throwing you a life jacket, rope, anything that they feel you need to pull yourself out, but you know you need more than that. At this point, it’s either fight or flight. Giving up isn’t an option, but you’re getting so tired. The more tired you get, the further you sink into the ocean. Slowly watching the light from the sun become further away. It’s so dark and so cold.   This is what I was able to explain to my husband after weeks of not knowing.

He then explained that he knew exactly what I was going through because he has been there, feeling the exact same way. It gave me a lot of hope because he is in such a great place and if God could do it for him, then I know he would do it for me. At that moment, I felt less abandoned by God. He reminded me, through my husband, that He has not forgotten me. He sees every tear and hears every prayer. During this storm, He has made it abundantly clear, that I will be clear of any illness and disease and I will be blessed beyond my wildest dreams.

Even though some people may not understand what I am going through, I have family and friends who constantly throw a life jacket or rope to help save me. Those are the ones that I think about when I am unable to see through the darkness. I am truly blessed to have people who want to see me succeed. When I become better and I’m able to look back at days like today and laugh, they will be apart of my “road to success” story; how I fought the depression and lupus demons and won! Until then, I will walk this journey and trust God’s process.

“Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them — every day begin the task anew.” -Saint Francis de Sales

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Learning Life’s Journey

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Turning 30 has given me a different perspective on life. The amount of awareness that I’ve experienced has been a little overwhelming. A small example; I used to be one of those people who hated the idea of having insurance. Any kind of insurance; car insurance, renters insurance, medical insurance. I thought, why pay for something that might NOT happen to you. Then I turned 30. Now the idea of insurance is a necessity, something I refuse to live without. I remember last month our car insurance lapsed for 30 hours and I was in a panic. All I could think about was how it would just be my luck that I would get into a car accident on the ONE day I didn’t have insurance. I blame this fear on life experience (being in an accident without car insurance and dealing with that hell) and turning 30.

There are a lot of other things that I was used to doing and saying, that now hold a different meaning, a different value. Take love for instance. I thought love was kissing someone and being filled with unexplainable emotion (lust). I thought love was “feeling” like you would do anything for that person, no matter the circumstance. I honestly thought that wedding vow was just something romantic to say to get people teary-eyed and “awwww” mode. When in fact, it is a warning. It is a warning that life is going to get hard, really hard. And the person standing in front of you is supposed to be there no matter what. They even ask you if you’re sure if you can keep the commitment. Honestly, my first marriage, I didn’t understand that. When people told my ex-husband and I that we should wait to get married, I didn’t see why. I was forced to grow up quicker than the average kid. So, I thought I had everything figured out. I thought if I knew what I wanted and did everything to accomplish it, then my life would be great, right? Wrong! Double wrong! Triple wrong! Life is a journey, it develops in stages. Just because I was more “mature”  than the average 21-year-old, I definitely didn’t know about marriage. My life’s journey hadn’t come to the part where it taught me how to love my husband and conquer life’s challenges. Eventually, getting through my 20’s and a shit load of mistakes, I now know what it takes. I know what love truly is and I know what it isn’t.

I love my husband. I love my mother. Both are two very different people that I’ve had to learn to love despite who they are without judgment. We say we want unconditional love until you find out he/she has the ability to hurt you like no other person walking this earth. Or that the person you love has some weird fetus that you knew nothing about. (Not me, of course, just saying 🙂 )

I like to read comments on Instagram about celebrities breaking up for whatever reason. It’s funny to read what others think about love and marriage. You see comments like, “I would never put up with that.” or “He/she wouldn’t be able to treat me like that” or my favorite “I would leave if he/she ever did that.” If you love someone unconditionally and they show you a side of themselves that you didn’t know anything about (I’m talking something like a porn addiction, not spousal abuse) and you leave them without helping them through it, then why did you marry them? Why did you repeat those vows to your partner? Now I know that love is waking up next to the same person every day, not wanting to kill them. It’s waking up next to them being just as committed to them as you were on your first date, hell, even your wedding day. It’s learning something new about them every day and love them despite how it may annoy you, hurt you, or disappoint you. Love is working through the tough crap, the really tough crap! The “I don’t know if I can do this anymore” crap and loving them despite. Love is accepting any change that life throws your way and working through it together; mad, sad, whatever. You do it together, for the sake of your love, your marriage, and your family. It’s realizing that your relationship is bigger than what you want or need. It’s about someone else’s needs. My husband and I have been through a lot, but I would trade it in for anything in the world. Our trials were hard, but they taught us how to love each other so much more and appreciate each other so much more. So when we say “I love you”, it’s not just something we say out of habit. We’re really saying, “Thank you for sticking around and appreciating me. Thank you for loving me despite my flaws and secrets.” We know the worst parts of each other and that is what makes our love so strong. We know that whatever we face from here on out, we got this, cause we’ve been through worse.

Life is a journey. You can’t rush it, you can’t force it. No matter what you think you know, trust me, you don’t know the half of it. We may plan our journey, but God may have other plans. When He throws your plan out of the window and set His in place, it would be in your best interest to follow it. I thought my marriage to my ex-husband was a good idea, not knowing my current husband is what God wanted for me and I’m so grateful that His plan was way better than mine.

I now see insurance as something to have WHEN an event happens, not IF it’s going to happen. Life is one tricky bitch. The moment you think you have her all figured out, BAM! a curveball smacks in the face. Plus, life doesn’t discriminate. No matter who you are, life will happen! I never understood that until recently. I can admit to that. It makes it easier to not look at life’s challenges like something is happening to you when in fact, who isn’t it happening to? Everybody I know, right now, is going through something life-altering, but trust your journey, grow from your journey. You will notice your perspective has changed and that have you made progress, no matter how small you may think it is. 

“You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in.”  -Mandy Hale

 

 

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Changing your Mindset; Becoming More Mindful

Imagine, for weeks at a time, you are unable to sleep, eat, or even function. Your mind is so heavy and so clouded, that you are unable to see the wonderful things in your life. Some time has passed and now you are able to see the beauty in things that you weren’t able to before. Spiritually, you feel hopeful and that every challenge is just one step closer to becoming who God wants you to be. Well, this is definitely me! I struggle with depression, but instead of seeing the glass half empty, I embrace the knowledge that every glass is half full. All because of I am learning about managing my stress and mindfulness, which is, “a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.”

What is Depression? A lot of people have a misconception of what depression is and how it can develop a life of its own. There are two main types of depression that you may be experiencing; reactive depression and clinical depression.

Reactive Depression

  • Medications, such as steroids, are known to make you more emotional and prone to depression.
  • Common in people with Lupus
  • Since Lupus directly involves our nervous system, it causes such symptoms like memory issues, difficulty concentrating, confusion, and mood swings.
  • Overall, sickness can cause more sickness

Symptoms of Clinical Depression

  • Feeling like a failure and that nobody loves you
  • Feelings of hopeless, empty, or lost
  • Losing interest in things you once enjoyed to do
  • Feeling like life is worthless and that you can’t go on

If you have Lupus or any other auto-immune disorder, you may be experiencing one of these or both. Personally, I’ve struggled with depression way before I was diagnosed with Lupus. Depression is a lifelong struggle for me. It is something that I’ve had to come to grips with and accept. It’s like any other illness, such as Lupus, that I have to manage, most times on a daily basis. Giving up is not an option and money is extremely tight, so I’ve had to research free ways to become healthier; meditation, maintain a healthy diet (which is hard!), prayer, and mindfulness.

I am mindful of my condition in this present moment while acknowledging my feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. I have Lupus, there I said it. But, Lupus doesn’t have me! I have accepted that stress is apart of everyday life. It’s how I choose to deal with stress that determines how I feel overall. Chronic stress is like kryptonite to lupus warriors. It makes our flare up so much more difficult. So we have to reduce our stress.

Ways I’m Learning To Reduce Stress

  • Eliminate triggers- I’ve had to think long and hard about what and who stresses me out. Example, Facebook stresses me out. The only thing that I get when I walk away from scrolling down my timeliness is stress, worry, anger, and frustration. So, I deactivated my profile. Right now, I am unable to separate those feelings. When I close the app, I still have the world’s destruction and everyone’s opinion about it, on my mind. It is so unhealthy.  
  • Exercise
    • You don’t have to exercise, exactly. You can do yoga, walk around the block, or simply walk to the mailbox. There are days that we can’t or won’t move due to pain, but being proactive helps you feel better, more accomplished.
    • You can do this 2-3 times a week. Pace yourself and know your limits.
  • Eat Healthier Foods
    • For lupus warriors, it would be best if we ate more anti-inflammatory foods.
    • Foods That Fight Inflammation
    • Avoid foods that worsen inflammation, such as, soda, pastries, margarine, lard, white bread, and red meat.
  • Mindfulness Meditation
    • Mindfulness Meditation is all about directing your attention to the current moment and accepting that things are the way that they are. In regards to lupus warriors, we have to accept that this is what we are dealing with and calmly regain a sense of control over our lives and this disease.
    • Make time to meditate, even if for a few minutes, every day.
    • Find a quiet space
    • Sit up straight with your legs and upper body relaxed. Good posture helps you breath easier.
    • Be aware of each body part, and try to become completely relaxed.
    • Focus on your breathing. Breathe in through your nose (extending your belly outwards) and slowly out through your mouth.
    • Start in slow increments; meditate for 5 minutes and increase daily or weekly.
    • Personally, I like to have mediation music playing in the background to help me focus.
    • How to Guide to Mindful Meditation

Being a lupus warrior is exactly that, I am a warrior. I fight battles every day. Some caused by everyday life and some caused this illness. There are some circumstances that I am unable to change, but how I choose to deal with them is half the battle.

If you or anyone you know is suffering from any of the symptoms above, please talk to somebody about them and/or your doctor. Depression is life-altering and should be taken seriously. Be your own advocate. You simply may be dealing with receptive depression, but there is a fine line between that and clinical depression. Also, here is a Stress Test that helps you determine how stressed you are. There are others like it online.

   “In this moment, there is plenty of time. In this moment, you are precisely as you should be. In this moment, there is infinite possibility.” ~Victoria Moran

Resources
Dr. Therese Tryniecki, Phd
Lupus Foundation of America Heartland Chapter
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Trust The Process: What Choosing Life Looks Like

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Live for Today. Choose life. The mantra that I repeat to myself everyday, every hour, and sometimes every second. Chronic illness will try to trick you into thinking that your life is over after diagnosis. We aren’t the same people that we once were. We aren’t able to do the same things that we once did. It can be devastating, if you let it.

Two simple words with so much meaning. Choose Life. I feel as though God has given me sign after sign to stand still. I’m so used to moving and grooving. I was on a fast track to finally becoming financially stable. I had just finished school and after 10 long years, received a college degree. I was working at my dream job as a registered medical assistant at a prestigious hospital, and I loved the day-to-day interactions that I had with my patients. I really felt like I was making a difference. But then, I became ill. After going through the “woe is me”, “my life sucks” phase, I began to notice that God is trying to tell me to be still during this storm.

“Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”  (NLT) (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Now when I think about my battle with Lupus and Fibromyalgia , my perspective has completely changed. After reading His word, I was reminded that God will break you to position you, to put you in the right place, and to promote you. Lucky for us, He is a just God and a loving God, so when he breaks you, it will not hurt you or destroy you because He is also a graceful God. Trust the process that God has set before you. We may not always know why things are happening to us, but honestly, it’s not for us to know. When God wants it revealed, it will be revealed. Until then, trust the process.

Trusting His process is hard, at least it was for me. But then, after nine long days of going through a lupus flare I noticed something different about my husband. It’s not that he did anything different, it’s just God changed my perspective. When I’m in pain, everything that he does is annoying. Everything he says I take offensive and sometimes everything he does is wrong. Well, at least that’s how I felt when my mind is so engulfed in my own pain, that I am unable to see how blessed I really am. Until today. Today, my husband woke up, got our three children feed, clothed and ready for school and then went to school himself. Immediately afterwards, grabbed lunch for me, then went to his first day at his new job, only to come home, cook dinner, feed the kids, entertain them!, put them to bed, and still have the energy to give me a deep-muscle massage to relieve my body ache.

I immediately asked my husband to forgive me. He has been a ROCK throughout this entire process and I’ve taken him for granted. He effortlessly makes me laugh and smile everyday so I wont think about the pain. He tries so hard to make me happy, even when I’m working his last nerves. And most importantly, he is an amazing father to our kids; helping them understand and cope with what mommy is going through. Thank you Jesus for sending me this man! He is proof that You have not forsaken me, nor forgotten about me. You’ve sent the perfect person to stand with me and push me to beat this.

God has placed the tools that I need in my life to get through what I used to call a tragedy. I would be lying if I said wonderful things haven’t blossomed during my illness; I’ve grown closer to my husband, kids, and family members. I’m able to be more attentive to my families needs and wants. I’ve even been able to build a stronger relationship with Jesus Christ.

Remember, trust the process. Trust Him. Thank you to EVERYONE who has prayed for me, helped me, blessed me, and has been supportive of me. I love you more than I can express.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

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Rj’s First Fist Fight…And Im A Little Proud!

I received a very interesting phone call from the principal at my sons school today. She called to tell me that Rj has been in a fist fight. This is shocking for three reasons.

Shock #1: I was literally in a screaming match with his principal the day before about Rj having a bully, and the lack of regard that I felt they had for his safety. This bully has made Rj’s life miserable. He began to show signs of extreme stress. So, naturally being the mama bear that I am. I was pretty irate. So irate, that she got irate too. It got ugly, folks. I’m not proud of this, but it produced results. We quickly acknowledged that we’re both overly stressed moms and it was just one of those days for the both of us.  We were able to recognize that, tone it down, and move on. And really, was able to come up with a solution for my son’s bully that we felt was beneficial for everyone. So it turned out great. But you can imagine, how embarrassed I felt, when she called the next day telling me that Rj had started a fight with another kid. Whom in which, was completely innocent. That’s right! Rj admitted that he started the fight.

Shock #2: I know a lot of parent say this about their kids, but anyone who knows Rj knows that he is the least aggressive person that you may ever meet. I like to say that he wouldn’t be able to bust a grape in a fruit fight. His soul is so gentle. He loves everyone and just wants everyone to love him. So to hear that he started this altercation was….shocking. But it also shows signs that something is bothering him and it’s starting to seep its way out through aggression, but that’s for another post.

Shock #3: Rj story of events pretty much matched the principals story, which was, this kid “joey” tried to get into Rj’s group at recess. Rj told him he was in the wrong group and that his group was across the gym (which was true). But then “Joey” didn’t listen to Rj and that’s when Rj shoved him. “Joey” shoved Rj back, Rj then shoved “Joey”, then “Joey” punched Rj in the mouth. Rj then grabbed “Joey’s” shirt to try to pull him down. Once “Joey” got loose from Rj’s grip, he then ran hysterically to the nearest teacher. I was told by the principal that “Joey” was very upset and Rj was “cool as a cucumber”. Now, Rj’s personality is normally laid back, EXCEPT when he has been apart of an altercation, even with his siblings. So for him to be so relaxed says to me that he was proud of himself and that he thought he did the right thing, regardless of the consequence.  Also, Rj has never, I mean never, defended himself this way. And by defend I mean, he got back up after he was pushed down. He’s not a fighter. Well at least not before today.

I felt bad for “Joey” because it sounded like he was pretty shaken up. But….I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t say that I’m a bit proud. My Rj got into his first fist fight. He showed aggression. He showed he was wasn’t going to back down. Although shoving was a bit extreme. I mean, the kid was in the wrong group. But he showed emotion and with children on the autism spectrum like Rj, it very common for them not to understand or have the ability to process their emotions during the appropriate time.

Rj did later confess that earlier in the day, “Joey” did something to really annoy him. So in his own way, he was tired of “Joeys” shit and shoved him. Most people have been there. So I told Rj that he had to write a letter apologizing to “Joey”. He was very hesitant and sluggish about it.

Me: “Rj, write a letter to “Joey” saying you’re sorry.”

Rj: “Well, what do I say?”

Me: “Say you’re sorry. You are sorry, right?”

Rj: “I mean, not really.”

Me: “I appreciate your honesty, but you still have to write a note. It’s the right thing to do.”

I explained that it is never ok to take your frustrations out on other people. But I also explained that when life throws you a punch, you get back up. He learned both today.

Below is the second note that he wrote to “Joey”. The first one, well, lets just say it was a bit disrespectful. I wish I would have saved it to show you guys because honestly it was hilarious.

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“When life knocks you down, try to land on your back. Because if you can look up, you can get up. Let your reason get you back up.” -Les Brown

 

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A Hundred Weeds or A Hundred Wishes?

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A few years ago, I was having lunch with my brother. We were catching up on the latest tea in each others lives. I can’t remember exactly what made him ask, but he proceeded to ask me a question that I would think about almost everyday since that conversation. He asked, “Ashley, why do you always expect the other shoe to drop?” In other words, why do I always expect the worst to happen? My response was very simple, “Because I know it will and I want to be prepared when it does.” Most people would say that my skeptical personality is lethal to my overall perception of humanity, but it all depends on one’s perception of skepticism. I would say that I am more of a realist.

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I believe that there are two different ways to perceive Karma; fear-based and love-based. Fear-based karma is the consequences, good and bad, that are brought to you based on your actions, good or bad. You are judged for your actions; basically, you reap what you sow. While love-based karma is a belief that every lesson is a gift that provides lessons for your soul’s personal growth and will continue to bring back these lessons until you have learned from them.

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I’ve learned that how you perceive life’s challenges is half the battle. Love-based karma believers take the challenges of life and learn from them. They see each challenge as a lesson to get through and grow from the experience. Fear-based karma believers view life challenges as punishment for something they may have done to someone else in the past. I used to think that my condition, SLE ( systemic lupus erythematosus) and Fibromyalgia, is a punishment from God because of all of the awful things that I have done in my past. While now, I look at this illness as another one of life’s challenges that I need to work through and learn from. Now the only question left is, what am I supposed to learn from this? But I think that question should be answered in another blog post. Bad things happen. It’s life. The only things we can control is how we perceive the challenges and our reaction to the challenge. This is what separates us from the animals, right?

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“When you look at a field of dandelions, you can either see a hundred weeds, or a hundred wishes.” -Unknown

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Benefits of Black Seed Oil

Have you ever thought to yourself, hmmm, I wish there was something that I can do to improve my overall health besides ton and tons of vitamin pills? Or are you dealing with an illness that requires expensive pharmaceuticals? Well, I may have an answer for you.

My mother in law told me about Black Seed Oil. She said that it works wonders for her and that I should try it. I initially had to go online to find it, and from what I saw, it was not cheap. But I was determined, and was finally able to order myself a bottle. All I can say is wow! I’ve only been taking it for 4 days and I already feel a difference in how I feel. I feel so much better physically and mentally.

So I would like to let you more what I have learned about Black Seed Oil, and maybe it will do for you, what it has been doing for others for thousands of years.

What is Black Seed Oil?

Black Seed Oil is oil that is extracted from black seeds, made from Nigella Stativa flower.

How Can You Consume Black Seed Oil?

  • Add a teaspoon of black seed oil to food or drinks
  • Mix teaspoon of black seeds with honey
  • Consume plain 
  • Boil seeds, and then consume
  • Add black seeds to bread, food, and/or pastries

Me personally, I love taking a teaspoon and putting it into orange juice or yogurt

What is Nigella Sativa (black seed plant) used for?

  • Anti-bacterial
  • Anti-inflammatory
  • Anti-oxidant
  • Anti-fungal
  • Anti-cancer
  • Antiasthmatic
  • Antihistamine
  • Anti-viral
  • Anticoagulant

What is Black Seed Oil Good For?

  1. Heart Health – Heart disease is the leading cause of death among men and women. Adding black seed oil to your meal, once a day, can prevent blood clot formation and arterial pressure. For centuries, black seed oil has been used for heart health, which is one of its most praised benefits.
  2. Fight Against Fungal Infections-Research is showing that fungus and mold cannot exist with the compounds founds in black seed oil. Fungus infections can occur when bacteria has grown on the top of your skin, causing rash and disease.
  3. Reduce allergies 

 

Heart Health

  • 100 and 200 milligrams of boiled extract has been taken by mouth twice daily for eight weeks. Based on traditional use, one teaspoon of Nigella sativa oil has been taken by mouth in any hot drink with two cloves of garlic before breakfast.
 Helps Fight Against Fungal Infections

  • the affected area of skin is wiped with cider vinegar, followed by application of Nigella sativa oil. The process is repeated if necessary.
Reduces Allergies and Skin Infections

  • 40-80 milligrams per kilogram of black seed oil has been taken by mouth three times daily for up to eight weeks.
 Good For Your Skin and Hair

  • 1/2-1 teaspoon of Nigella sativa oil has been applied to the scalp after the scalp has been stroked thoroughly with lemon, left for 15 minutes, then washed and dried.
Known Efficient Cancer Treatment Acne
Kills Infection/Reduces Fever and Flu Symptom

Mix a teaspoon of black seed oil, honey, and warm water. Drink once a day as long as your fever persist

 Boost Fertility
Cures Boils and Carbuncles Treat Coughs and Asthma Symptoms

  • one teaspoon of Nigella sativa oil has been taken by mouth three times daily.
Get Rid of Diarrhea

Mix 1-2 teaspoons of black seed oil with yogurt for 2 days or until diarrhea is gone

 Reduce High Blood Pressure and Cholesterol
Helps Eliminate Insomnia Prevents Muscle Spasms and Cramps

  • one teaspoon of Nigella sativa oil with one teaspoon of olive oil has been taken by mouth three times daily.

Can be used orally or topically

Relieves Nausea and Upset Stomach Treats Toothaches and Oral Bacteria Infections
Cures Psoriasis/Treats Eczema Aids In Weight Loss
Prevent Diabetes

  • 2.5 milliliters of Nigella sativa oil has been taken by mouth twice daily for six weeks, in addition to existing metformin.
 Epilepsy Treatment

  • an aqueous extract of Nigella sativa seed (40 milligrams per kilogram per hour) has been used together with standard treatment for four weeks.
MRSA Treatment Opiate Addiction Treatment

  • 500 milligrams of dried black seeds has been taken by mouth three times daily for up to 12 days.
Improves Beard Growth Relieves Insect Bites and Stings
Helps with Chest/Nasal Congestion

  • the back and chest have been rubbed with Nigella sativa oil.
 Removes Gallstones/Suppress Liver Stones
Helps with Gas and Flatulence/Constipation Treats Hemorrhoids
Relieves Headaches and Migranes

  • 1/2 teaspoon of Nigella sativa oil has been taken by mouth after a meal three times daily.
 Boost Immunity
Improves Memory Cures Rheumatic Pains

  • one teaspoon of Nigella sativa oil with one teaspoon of olive oil has been taken by mouth three times daily.
Helps with Stomach Pains/Disorders

  • mint tea with lemon has been taken by mouth with one teaspoon of Nigella sativa oil three times daily or until symptoms are relieved.
 Improves Dry Mouth
Bladder Infections Treat Nose Bleeds
Dandruff/Dry Scalp Helps Relieve Joint Pain
Regulates Menstrual Cycles Relieves Arthritis

  • one teaspoon of Nigella sativa oil with one teaspoon of olive oil has been taken by mouth three times daily.
Lower Anxiety/Depression

  • 1/2 teaspoon of Nigella sativa oil has been taken by mouth with herbal tea.
 Treats Heart Burn
Relieves Stress Treats Meningitis
Promote Healthy Kidney Health Improves Sperm Count
Aids Treatment of HIV/AIDS Remedy for Colic

  • Nigella sativa oil has been warmed and used to massage the abdomen.
Removes Chronic Fatigue Prevents Anemia
Cleanses Parasites Treats Obesity
Detoxifies Body Deep Cleans Pores
Treats Schizophrenia Protects Brain Damage from Parkinson’s Disease

 

Although, Black Seed Oil could be your cure-all, but like anything, it does have its side effects. Please make sure that you consult with your physician before discontinuing any medications that you may be currently taking. Even though it may work for me, does not guarantee that it may work for you. I’m just a regular shegular person, who wants to live a healthy life without addicting, expensive pharmaceuticals drugs. 

 

Sources:
http://www.naturallivingideas.com/black-seed-benefits/

 

 

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