I’ve been using this automated voice to take over my podcast for a little bit. I hope you don’t. This will only be temporary. So, let’s jump right into it.
A couple of weeks ago, I received a daily Bible reading devotional in the mail. I always plan to use devotionals to help me spend time with Jesus, but it never seems to go that way. I usually find a way or an excuse not to take a few minutes out of my day to talk to my Him. So, when I received a the devotional in the mail, I was determined to sit down and commit to reading and studying for the next 30 days.
Day one was about the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman. If you are unfamiliar with the story, here is a brief synopsis: Jesus had stopped by Jacobs well to rest, when a Samaritian woman came to gather water for her family. Back then, it was unheard of for Jewish men (Jesus) to associate themselves with someone like the Samaritan woman. She was married five times and was then living with her boyfriend at the time she met Jesus, which was also very taboo.
“Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, ‘Please give me a drink.’ v.9 The woman was surprised, for Jews refuse to have anything to do with Samaritans.” -John 4:7, 9
This woman was a recluse of the town because of her lifestyle. She was accused of being a prostitute and was greatly condemned for her immorality. She chose to draw water at the very hottest of the day in order to avoid contact with the other women responsible for drawing water for their families as well.
After I read the devotional, it made me feel like God was saying, “Ashley, rest at the well. Bring all of your worries to My Son, Yahshua.” After that of course, I forgot to pick up the devotional pamphlet to finish the rest out the rest of the month. I wasn’t at all bother because I was sure of my instructions to “rest at the well”. Rest from the stress of the world. Rest from having to be in multiple places at once. Rest from treating self-care like its one more thing I have to check off the “to-do” list.
A couple of weeks later, I’m shopping at my local resale shop. They always have the best books. Anyway, I came across this Bible study called, Journey to the Well by Vashti M. McKenzie. After reading the first couple of chapters, I’ve come to the conclusion that God needed me to see this. I feel that He needed me to see:
“Jesus replied, ‘Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes fresh, bubbling spring within the, giving them eternal life.'” -John 4: 13-15
I know when I’m running low because I feel depleted and drained; when I feel I have nothing left to give. I think that’s what Jesus meant when he said “anyone who drinks this water will soon be thirsty again.”
One thing that I have learned during this journey is patience and faith. I have to have faith in order to keep going. Without faith and hope, what is there to hold onto? Many of us are going through our struggles alone for no reason at all. Bottom line: we all need each other, even the broken outcasts.
Jesus transformed the Samaritan womens life. She was ashamed and driven by her fear and her past. Yet, a person who should have nothing to do with her according to society’s standards, transformed her life by giving her hope, which turns in faith, which turns into freedom. It’s easy to become a prisoner of our own desires. For example, I so badly wanted to move on and heal from my husband, I allowed it to control my life. Everything I did was to not feel the pain weighing on my chest every day, but I was neglecting other areas in my life.
Like my brother says, “Ashley, everyone has something going on” and he is absolutely right. And while I’m on this journey of healing, I want to stop to smell and roses. I want to enjoy the scenery. I want to celebrate the good, the bad, and the ugly. And I definitely want to break free from the “woe is me” demon. If you have the same goals, then let’s work together to make that happen.
I would like to share a warriors story of infertility. If you’re kind enough to listen to her story, I ask that you please pray for her and her husband.
“Your (me) post made me reflect on my own muddled feelings about not being pregnant yet. Each month during the two week wait, I tell myself not to get emotionally invested, not to overthink EVERY weird feeling and mistake it for a pregnancy symptom. Not to hope, dream about due dates and outfits and life lessons I can’t wait to share.
In over 15 months now, I’ve been disappointed to the point of heartbreak, so I know NOT to do these things. But I do it anyway, every damn month. And every time I get my period I do into a funk. I feel like Charlie Brown trying to kick the ball Lucy is holding, only to jerk it away. Rinse and repeat one month later. Why do I do this to myself? I’ve heard ALL the messages on trying to reduce stress and take it easy, but that’s something my mind has never been able to get on board with. Like you, I have tried various techniques to try to chill.
It leaches out into the rest of my life. I am now apparently bitter when I hear about women being pregnant. I feel like my life is on pause because it could happen at anytime, and it feels terrible to live in this weird limbo of the unknown.” -Anonymous.
First, I would like to say that I am so proud of this woman for speaking her truth. Fear is running rampant in our hearts and in our homes, that it makes it feel impossible to share ones struggles. Secondly, I would like to tell you that you and your family are in my prayers; the God I serve is more than happy to bless you with way more than you can ever imagine or wish for (Ephesians 3:20). Do not give up hope. Take this time to learn about yourself. Allow this time to connect more with your partner. If not, connect with someone who can be a support for you. But whatever you do, do not become a recluse. Find support.
I love you all and thank you for listening to my thoughts. Please remember to pray for one another.