Loopty Loop

Here we are. Again. Time after time I find myself at the bottom of bipolarism. Bipolarism? I wonder if it’s a word. Well, according to this new nifty Grammarly app on my computer, it’s not, but oh well. It is now.

What is bipolarism? It’s the crap that one has to deal with when dealing with bipolar disorder. The crap that is hated by all, misunderstood by everyone. Being at the bottom of my emotions has become normal. By being at the bottom, I mean, crying when there’s no reason to cry. Screaming when everything is calm. Not sleeping when the moon says it’s ok to. Bipolarism.

When there are no more tears. When there are no more words to say. When there is no more energy to give, we look to our loved ones to give us hope, understanding, even comfort. But then, what happens when they are unable to do so? When they don’t have the emotional capacity to keep going through bipolarisms with you? When they become so fed up, they begin to experience symptoms themselves, screaming, “Has the whole world gone mad?”

This is when, the only direction to look is…UP. Up to God. Up to our Savior. Up to the only person who understands and can tolerate bipolarisms.

Today, as my mind was going through a loopty loop of emotions and irrational thoughts, the only scripture that could come to mind was

Be still and know that I am God! -Psalm 46:10

Be Still. God. Be Still. God.

How God, am I suppose to be still when this disease has let confusion run rapid in my heart and my relationships?

Every time I blog about the power of Jesus Christ, I am talking to myself. I am reminding myself of what the power is and how it is improving my life. But today, all I have is…BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD? What am I suppose to do with this? Right now? In my circumstance?

Be still.