For some time now, I’ve been wanting to blog daily. At first, it seemed like an unattainable goal. Now, after hard work and meeting most of the previous goals that I have set for myself, now I feel that God is telling me that I’m ready. I mean, it’s not like I don’t have anything to talk about. My mind is always racing with ideas, stories, and more ideas. Even if I was unable to come up with anything to blog about, my life is interesting enough with three little people running around. I’m sure that I would be able to come up with great material for you fine folks.
So what is stopping me? Fear? Procrastination? Uncertainty? All of the above. I am fearful because sometimes I doubt my writing ability. I’ve been experiencing a lot of confusion and that feeling of being “lost”. Apparently, a lot of people with Lupus experience the same side effect of this mysterious auto-immune disorder. Then I realized, if God is giving me instructions to blog every day, then that means He will bless me for obeying his directions, so I shouldn’t worry, right? I believe that all of the instructions that He is giving me will lead me to an overabundance of blessings. He has already proven to me that when I listen, I am blessed beyond my imagination. So, I shouldn’t be afraid. And after this, I no longer will be.
I procrastinate because, well, honestly, sometimes I just don’t feel like it. Especially when I’m sick, and especially ESPECIALLY when everyone in my house is sick and all I want to do is get some sleep…just a wink of rest. But then how I can ask, no, BEG God to bless me when I’m whining about getting sleep? Sounds foolish when I think about it. It’s like God saying, “Ashley, go buy a lottery ticket. You’re going to win.” And I’m like, *in my whiney child-like voice* “…but Lord, I’m tired. Can I go later?” What sense does that make? He’s trying to give me some money and I’m whining.
I want to be like Abraham. If you don’t know, God asked this man to not only travel, I believe three days (walking distance) away from home, but he wanted him to kill his own son as a sacrifice (Genesis 22:2-3) Crazy, right? But Abraham obeyed without hesitation. He packed up his stuff, grabbed a couple of servants, some supplies, and his son, Isaac, and headed off. Right when Abraham was about to stab Isaac, an Angel screamed out for him to stop. God told Abraham that he has proven his faith and because of it, God wants him to sacrifice a ram instead (Genesis 22:10-12). How awesome is that? Honestly, I couldn’t have done it. My faith is so weak right now, I would’ve been like, “Ok, Lord, I know I didn’t hear that right. So I’m just going to ignore it.”
I just learned today, actually, what God does when we disobey Him. In Numbers 14:39-45, it says when the Israelites disobeyed God by not going to the land that He promised them, he abandoned them. When Moses told them that God was upset, they were like, “Oh, well let’s go!” But by then, it was too late. God had already abandoned them.
I don’t want it to be too late for me. I don’t want God to abandon me. Which I know he won’t but still. I want to have unshakeable faith. This I pray every day. Give me strength like Abraham, Lord because I know that blessings will outweigh the consequences.
So, expect to see a lot of me! You all have taught me so much from your blogs and I want to thank you for that. This should be easy breezy beautiful cover girl.
“But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.” James 1:22-25